Gather around, my young friends and fellow dinosaurs, let me tell you about some BULLSHIT no one ever tells you about. I'm talking about menopause and perimenopause. Now, menopause has a very stringent medical definition. You have to not have had a period for exactly 12 months and a day to be considered in menopause. All the bullshit before that day once you start going through The Change is considered perimenopause. Here's some bullshit you might experience that people actually talk about when you're in perimenopause:
- shorter time between periods
- irregular periods
- hot flashes and/or cold flashes
- fucked up sleep
- OMG NIGHT SWEATS
- Vagina as dry as the Sahara desert
- lighter periods and/or endless bleeding like it's The Flood but it's in your pants
- lack of interest in Adult Fun Times
This time of joy can last anywhere from a couple of years to a god damn decade and there's no medical way right now to predict it.
Here's some of the REAL bullshit they don't tell you about but your dinosaur aunt is here to let you know:
- You can start perimenopause in your 30s, don't listen to idiot doctors who tell you you're "too young" because they don't know your body like you do.
- Perimenopause will make you HELLA DUMB. Seriously, I'm talking Bigly broken brain. Brain fog? Check. Short term memory? Wave goodbye to it. Ability to make words form out of thoughts? Yeah, good luck to you.
- Perimenopause can cause horrible fatigue because in addition to losing estrogen, you're also losing testosterone. Oh and that also leads to muscle wasting, cool cool.
- Things might suddenly hurt more because estrogen is known to be neuroprotective.
- If you're super lucky like I am, and like to collect rare illnesses, you might even get Burning Mouth Syndrome 💀
- And meanwhile, while you're going through this bullshit, you'll be getting gaslit by doctors who are operating based on 30 year old debunked data about how HRT causes breast cancer (not really) and that they shouldn't put you on it until you're in actual menopause. (Data shows starting HRT early can potentially prevent Alzheimer's in later years.)
- There are entire online clinics right now (I use Midi Health) focused on providing care for peri and menopausal patients and they will happily prescribe you HRT even if your regular PCP or OBGYN do not (if you meet the criteria). I've been pretty impressed with how holistically they view the patient. For full disclosure, I learned about them from my integrative health doctor and they do not accept Medicare (yet).
I'm 46 years old right now and I've been symptomatic for perimenopause for the last 8 years, although it's gotten the most dramatic in the past 2 years or so, which I hope means I'm almost done, holy hell. Yeah I was on the early side, but if it can happen to me, it can happen to you, so it's never too early to think about these things. And I hope to at least spare some of you the mind-fuckery I've been through because no one told me about most of this stuff, including my own mother who just DOESN'T REMEMBER what happened to her and now I completely understand why. And because I also have a connective tissue disease, I used to just dismiss my pain and fatigue as being caused by that illness rather than the loss of hormones.
Anyways, this is why we need Elders in our lives, so they can do Grandma Story Hour like I just did and validate you when the entire medical field tries to gaslight you. I hope you've found some or all of this educational/useful. Please share with your friends because we really do NOT talk about this stuff enough. (Ewwww Moon Blood!)
Stay well, and don't let the bastards grind you down!
Additional information from your 56 y.o Goth Auntie who is in menopause (Probably. My past endometrial ablation procedure makes it hard to be sure.)
- All of those super-fun things that perimenopause may bring you? THERE IS NO GUARANTEE THEY WILL VANISH WHEN YOU HIT MENOPAUSE. None. You may experience them for the rest of your life.
- Your body will change in weird ways, including putting weight on in ways you didn't used to. (I would be fine with my current weight if it was distributed in the way I used to gain weight, but nooooo.)
- You will almost certainly get increased facial hair.
- But you may also experience the hair on your head thinning.
- Let me repeat: FUCKED UP SLEEP. ::sobs::
- You WILL run into doctors who whole-heartedly believe that HRT increases the risk of breast cancer. If you have a mammogram (and then biopsy) that shows "atypical cells", it will be Strongly Suggested that you stop any hormonal therapy you may have been doing. If that happens, expect every single awful peri/menopausal symptom you've been experiencing to come back. (Related to this, if anyone has links to solid research that disproves this so I can throw it at my GP and oncologist, that would be awesome.)
Anyone who tries to tell you that perimenopause and menopause "are like going through puberty backwards" is uninformed. Puberty, while hell, was nothing compared to my experiences with perimenopause and maybe-who-knows menopause.
Can I talk about the headaches? because people who know me know I'm going to talk about the headaches.
See, as estrogen levels start to drop with the onset of perimenopause--often sharply a day or so before your now noticeably irregular periods start--the body basically experiences withdrawal from it. And! Estrogen is known to interact with serotonin and the trigeminal nerve in ways that influence pain reception! So it hurts more! And is more resistant to treatment!
(I have a high pain tolerance--I had a caesarean and stopped feeling a need for pain killers the next day--but two periods ago? that headache had me crying. at least the next period wasn't as bad. it arrived a week early, though.)
I also want to echo the stupidity. I was helping Husband work on the car today and he asked for the screwdriver. I picked up a wrench.
(I caught covid for the first time this year, and I thought the grasping for words, spotty memory, brain fog, and worse-than-ever typing were all long covid symptoms. then my period started getting weird, and, oh. perimenopause.)