if you think about it, every time we tranquilize animals to transport them safely to another place, we are the sleep paralysis demon

You know, I love this comic dearly, but ever since I’ve put it out into the world, I realized that

I made a grave error in my script.

A lot of people in the comments have, understandably, tried to correct me on my choice of words, most specifically on this panel:

“And yet a chimp can not learn language the way a human can.”

And I’m here to admit my mistake………….

I forgot to put a disclaimer reminding people that I do, in fact, know what the fuck I’m talking about.

Alright, I know that there’s a fun little factoid that gets passed around a lot - that gorillas/apes/chimps can learn sign language, and therefore CAN do language as well!

And the thing is - no, that’s not actually true. Not in the way you may have come to believe it.

If you want the TL;DR of it:

For further reading, I would suggest the following:

Here’s some reading about Nim Chimpsky, one of the more famous chimps, whose life was pretty horrible and frankly tragic by all accounts, even human ones

Here’s a wiki article with an overview of various ape language experiments and their surrounding issues

And HERE is a very succinct podcast episode that neatly summarizes the entire issue within an hour and twenty minutes:

I highly reccomend this Soup Emporium video on the subject, it covers most of the same stuff the You’re Wrong About podcast ep does but he also talks about those dogs and cats that press buttons to “talk” and specifically focuses on how this whole thing has a lot of fucked up ableist implications that should be acknowledged. Just be warned for mentions of animal cruelty, sexual harassment, and ableism. (I also reccomend his video about Helen Keller which expands on a lot of the ideas about ableism and language he brought up in the Koko one.)

Also stellar comic OP I love it!

and my personal favorite:

i love getting validation as a lefty but also learning about new fun ways it continues to suck

I have to squeeze my fucking wire crimpers with my RIGHT hand because if I don't everything has to be upside-down

Things I have to write on being in 3 Ring Binders.

This is the "the dark green hair I had planned for years to use turned out to be polypropylene so I had to choose something different and I didn't have anything else even vaguely close to dark green so I decided to leave her original very clone doll style top-of-the-head-only black hair in place and add more hair under in a rainbow gradient, only I wanted to keep it all nylon and the only green nylon I had was kind of pale and oh huh turns out the yellow is too, might as well finish it up with pale orange and pink and sure why not some white" doll I worked on the other day.

Between her hair color combination, the Hasbro Descendants body limiting the clothing options, and the replacement feet that are as big and awkward as the originals (but, hey, ankle articulation) making the shoe selection even more limited than the clothes...I have not been able to figure out how to dress this doll. The candy corn dress is my favorite, but it feels so low-effort

OK! DollJunk encouraged me to try smaller hands, so I rummaged around in my hand stash and found a set of hands that I'd originally cut off of a 2009 Enchanted Wingdom Barbie fairy doll; I'd adapted them to use with articulated wrist arms by cutting them off mid-forearm, then whittling the plastic away to leave pegs I could put into the arm. Not pretty, and tolerances are such that they can't rotate on this body, but they immediately made everything so much nicer.

This encouraged me to rig up a better neck connection, so the head sits a little lower and much more securely, and then I tackled the foot situation. I ended up cutting off the feet, above the ankles, from a set of gymnast Barbie legs that I'd tried carving down to fit more shoes, then eventually had the knees fall apart. I drilled into the new lower legs and inserted some sprue, which extended up into the rest of the legs. It's not at all pretty, and the feet are still awkward, but it's so much better.

The socks (which are the only thing I made) are just long enough to cover where the leg parts meet. (The amazing little cardigan is from an Aoshima Girls Mission action figure from about 2006 or 07)

#just now realizing that one of the ‘ken’ dolls my sister and i had as a child was a ‘dude’#but i’m certain we never had a jazzie#he must have been secondhand#that hair sculpt is unmistakable

He was possibly one of the two versions of Rocker Derek!

There were no doll sculpts created specifically for the Jazzie line. Jazzie herself used a sculpt from a non-Barbie Mattel line called Starr, as did Jazzie's friend Chelsie (Kelley and Tracy were the Starr character names, respectively.) (The Jazzie body is also extremely similar to the female bodies in the Starr line, with some simplifications.) Jazzie's friend Stacie used the early 1970s Barbie friend Steffie sculpt. Dude not only used the Derek sculpt, but also a standard Ken body.

(Incidentally, the Jazzie line was pretty much thrown together at the last minute to directly compete with Hasbro's Maxie dolls, which would explain why they were cobbled together from existing parts)

(also, yeah, once Mattel has a doll name registered to them, it is highly likely they will re-use it, which is why Stacie and Chelsie have been the names of several Mattel dolls, along with Spectra and Clawdeen. Kelley was also a re-used name.)

Doll History: Catwalk Kitties

History

Catwalk Kitties is a series of anthropomorphic feline fashion dolls who work as models at the Catwalk Kitties modeling agency in Paris, France. Unlike other toys, there was a focus on making sure there was as little advertising as possible-only appearing in a few toy catalogs. The series designer stated that the dolls were designed with the aim of being profitable to Lanard with minimal advertisement:

“With the doll market being incredibly competitive, the goal was to come up with a new idea for fashion dolls that would instantly appeal to girls and be profitable to Lanard without advertising.   I really felt that the only way to compete against Barbie and Bratz, who were both heavily advertised, was to have a new hybrid type of fashion doll.  The idea for the line came from "hands on" manipulations, drawing, painting and markering, on a naked fashion doll body with an enlarged head. I brought a couple of trend tear sheets and  a porcelain cat/ fashion/ collectible statue along with the rough model into a brainstorm  to pitch the idea.  I then worked with and creatively directed the talented group of artists & designers at Lanard to sketch and formalize all of the feline fashions and details that are uniquely the Catwalk Kitties.  Traditional fashion and hair grooming play patterns were used by wrapping the world of modeling around the dolls.”

According to the catwalk kitties wiki: While complete dolls are rare on the secondhand market, It is common to find unused factory stock heads on sites like Aliexpress and Ebay. Many collectors purchase these heads and put them on the bodies of other dolls such as Monster High and Barbie.

Characters:

Doll Lines

The first series of Catwalk Kitties dolls with a total of 6 dolls

Characters Included: Anika, Minx, Purrl, Sienna, Sushi, Toffee

This line included four of the original six characters from Series 1(excludes Sushi and Minx). The dolls were identical, only with their hairstyles differing slightly. They also had fewer pieces and were stamped 2006 on the packaging.

Playsets

Four playsets were released as a part of the Catwalk Kitties line. Each playset came with a new character doll: Callie, Chase, Jet, and Topaz

Petite Dolls

A line of 5.5” (14 cm) mini dolls were released, featuring the same characters as the mainline. A total of 10 mini dolls were released.  

Main Series

Contains: Chase, Purrl, Anika, and Toffee

Le Scooter Series

Contains: Anika and Toffee

Budget Dolls

A simplified version of the petite mainline

Contains: Anika, Chase, Purrl, and Toffee

Unreleased Dolls

Even more obscure than Catwalk Kitties was Lanard's concurrent line of 12" anthropomorphic dog action figures, called K9 Corps (Lanard's more traditional action figures were called The Corps.) Here's a link to the current K9 Corps listings on eBay.

I had a few, only finding them in Kmart at the time, and of course I didn't pay any attention to the characters' paramilitary backgrounds

Their leg plastic turned very brittle very fast, and every one that I, and people I knew, owned, basically had the knees crumble apart within a few years

Still very happy with this jacket--that amount of trim and precision are not normal for my sewing projects. I made the dress and tights, too.

Also, I was not chastising the plant. I was chastising a noisy truck.

the vertical direction of the stripes on the bands around the bottom of the skirt make it look extra shiny (on my phone screen sized picture anyway)

love the color combo

That fabric is a very simple ikat, woven with the stripes horizontal

I really wanted the pattern to be vertical, but positioning the fabric cross-grain like that on a pullover top isn't the best idea (because woven cottons tend to have a subtle selvedge-to-selvedge stretch that is vital to the wearability of many pullover top designs), so I was happy I could use it that way in the skirt...and also, the floral fabric chosen for the skirt ended up not quite long enough, so I improvised and added those stripes to eke out as much length as possible, along with the lace trim

The fun of working with second-hand fabric!

I have some thoughts.

On my computer now so I can actually type, but I think this would cause some issues where the gussets come together on the underside so it'll need more adjusting.

Anyway, I think for the most part all it really needs is to have a seam allowance added. This is mostly the same pattern plus another 1/4th seam allowance and I am wondering if they just forgot to add it to the original published pattern. The only piece that does have a seam allowance drawn on it is the tail.

The only thing that makes me think they didn't forget is the "sew to here" dots, but those could be wrong.

Another small change I made was making the front piece shorter so the head is more toward the front and less sticking right up in the middle of the body like a minecraft creeper. I think that'll cause a little trouble where the underside gussests come together, though.

I kind of don't want to, but I guess I'll try this pattern.

I shortened the upper body piece at the "neck" area, and extended the head sides by about a seam-allowance-width, then, once the front and back pieces and gussets were cut, I shortened the front piece and gusset by trimming length off of the bottom/feet area

That’s pretty much what I did. I think I did my reduction a little lower.

I'm really struggling with not being able to use the mobile app and Tumbler on the mobile browser is SO BAD.

But here is the original vs the changed one.

Actually I'm wondering now if the ear stitching was supposed to be done before stuff instead of after. That might make a difference in the way the head looks?

Wow did I sew that poorly....

Regardless, I think this is a little closer to what the illustration shows, but it's still not the same as the illustration.

This size is certainly a little less pointy.

That does improve the ears immensely

@vixendoe we're still trying to find ways to redeem this pattern XD

have you seen the pattern edit by @daftpatience ? I'm going to try it out when i get the chance but it seems promising

I have some thoughts.

On my computer now so I can actually type, but I think this would cause some issues where the gussets come together on the underside so it'll need more adjusting.

Anyway, I think for the most part all it really needs is to have a seam allowance added. This is mostly the same pattern plus another 1/4th seam allowance and I am wondering if they just forgot to add it to the original published pattern. The only piece that does have a seam allowance drawn on it is the tail.

The only thing that makes me think they didn't forget is the "sew to here" dots, but those could be wrong.

Another small change I made was making the front piece shorter so the head is more toward the front and less sticking right up in the middle of the body like a minecraft creeper. I think that'll cause a little trouble where the underside gussests come together, though.

I kind of don't want to, but I guess I'll try this pattern.

I shortened the upper body piece at the "neck" area, and extended the head sides by about a seam-allowance-width, then, once the front and back pieces and gussets were cut, I shortened the front piece and gusset by trimming length off of the bottom/feet area

That’s pretty much what I did. I think I did my reduction a little lower.

I'm really struggling with not being able to use the mobile app and Tumbler on the mobile browser is SO BAD.

But here is the original vs the changed one.

Actually I'm wondering now if the ear stitching was supposed to be done before stuff instead of after. That might make a difference in the way the head looks?

Wow did I sew that poorly....

Regardless, I think this is a little closer to what the illustration shows, but it's still not the same as the illustration.

This size is certainly a little less pointy.

That does improve the ears immensely

@vixendoe we're still trying to find ways to redeem this pattern XD

i followed a sewing pattern that didn't have any irl finished pics of it, and the whole time i was like 'yknow this doesn't seem like it'll work very well, but i'm the novice so i guess i should follow the pattern' and well.

this is fucked

What are you talking about it's perfect

I KNOW THIS PATTERN, I KNOW THIS EXACT PATTERN!

SO IT’S NOT JUST ME, THE PATTERN IS JUST FUCKED! THANK YOU!

I suspect? the problem is the fabrics that the examples above use--polyester fleece and polyester felt, neither of which are the most stable fabrics, so will stretch in ways the pattern doesn't account for

The pattern is noted in the replies as coming from here

and it's intended to look like this

Those illustrations--and the 1940s/50s time frame of when the pattern was published--say to me that these were meant to be made from woven cotton calico

My own pertinent experience is in the other direction:

I used this pattern

to make this plush, using fake fur--which is on a knit base--as the pattern directs

Then I made it again using a woven fabric

and that's when I realized that the original pattern depended on the stretch of the knit to help round out the shape

So! While the vintage kitten pattern probably still won't look quite like the illustration when made from calico, it might look less like a creeper. Maybe.

no blame because the linked pattern source doesn't say what kind of fabric to use, and most people aren't going to think about how so many fabrics available today were not available/didn't exist 70 years ago

...or.......it just is, indeed, a bad pattern

I'm kind of wondering if whatever was readily available as filling back then might behave differently from modern polyfil, too, maybe? Because I can't imagine putting enough polyfil inside these to make them that round while also allowing them to fold the way the illustrations show

OK, this will be my last addition to this post

First, lots of people are saying that sawdust would have been the most likely filling, and they're probably right. Loosely packed sawdust, though, but the idea of packing one of these with enough sawdust to make a pincushion is oddly tempting...

I don't think the shape shown in the illustrations can be achieved from this pattern, though. There need to be more seams and or darts for this to be round where it's supposed to be round.

However, I did try a few easy little changes to try to make it stop being quite so much...that

here it is compared to the first one I made

I'll put what I did under a cut, because I have already managed to make this a very long post

i followed a sewing pattern that didn't have any irl finished pics of it, and the whole time i was like 'yknow this doesn't seem like it'll work very well, but i'm the novice so i guess i should follow the pattern' and well.

this is fucked

What are you talking about it's perfect

I KNOW THIS PATTERN, I KNOW THIS EXACT PATTERN!

SO IT’S NOT JUST ME, THE PATTERN IS JUST FUCKED! THANK YOU!

I suspect? the problem is the fabrics that the examples above use--polyester fleece and polyester felt, neither of which are the most stable fabrics, so will stretch in ways the pattern doesn't account for

The pattern is noted in the replies as coming from here

and it's intended to look like this

Those illustrations--and the 1940s/50s time frame of when the pattern was published--say to me that these were meant to be made from woven cotton calico

My own pertinent experience is in the other direction:

I used this pattern

to make this plush, using fake fur--which is on a knit base--as the pattern directs

Then I made it again using a woven fabric

and that's when I realized that the original pattern depended on the stretch of the knit to help round out the shape

So! While the vintage kitten pattern probably still won't look quite like the illustration when made from calico, it might look less like a creeper. Maybe.

no blame because the linked pattern source doesn't say what kind of fabric to use, and most people aren't going to think about how so many fabrics available today were not available/didn't exist 70 years ago

Here’s the state of the cat patchwork project–it’s big enough for a twin bed, so I guess I could stop here.  I do have a lot more of the gray floral, so I could add more of that to the edges to expand if I wanted. (There’s not much left of the green print in the border, which is what I wanted, as that was one of the pieces in the grab bag I got just for the feedsacks.  Using up random stuff is good, heh.)

When I do this block in the future, I’m definitely adding ‘ears’ and ‘chins’ to the plain-in-this-one blocks at the tops and bottoms of the rows that are needed to offset the cat faces from each other.  I also want to create a single template for the shape of the area between the ears, which is currently made up of three pieces.  That shape would also be used for the cat forehead and the…ah…”spacer chins” mentioned in the previous sentence.

I chose to use that particular star block in the corners because it uses the same shapes as the eyes and chin in the cats.

Now this will probably get folded up and put into a stack with all of the other patchwork stuff I’ve put together over the last few years, because even if I had the confidence/skill/space to actually quilt stuff, I don’t have any batting. (Remember: sewing little pieces of cloth together is patchwork; sewing through layers of cloth and fluffy batting is quilting.  I love making patchwork.  Quilting, though, is completely foreign to me.)

And of course this happened

I did eventually finish this, backing it with a big piece of plain double knit that was in a thrift store fabric grab bag. (No batting and no quilting.) It's gotten cold at night, so we've been using it.

As far as I know, I made up this block myself, but it's so logical that it was probably already out there somewhere, even if I never saw it

Here's the graphic I made to show what's where when I first created it (although I made some changes when I made the cats above), and I don't mind at all if anyone else wants to use it

I have no idea why some of the pieces aren't fully outlined, and no idea why me of nearly seven years ago didn't notice

Gather around, my young friends and fellow dinosaurs, let me tell you about some BULLSHIT no one ever tells you about. I'm talking about menopause and perimenopause. Now, menopause has a very stringent medical definition. You have to not have had a period for exactly 12 months and a day to be considered in menopause. All the bullshit before that day once you start going through The Change is considered perimenopause. Here's some bullshit you might experience that people actually talk about when you're in perimenopause:

- shorter time between periods

- irregular periods

- hot flashes and/or cold flashes

- fucked up sleep

- OMG NIGHT SWEATS

- Vagina as dry as the Sahara desert

- lighter periods and/or endless bleeding like it's The Flood but it's in your pants

- lack of interest in Adult Fun Times

This time of joy can last anywhere from a couple of years to a god damn decade and there's no medical way right now to predict it.

Here's some of the REAL bullshit they don't tell you about but your dinosaur aunt is here to let you know:

- You can start perimenopause in your 30s, don't listen to idiot doctors who tell you you're "too young" because they don't know your body like you do.

- Perimenopause will make you HELLA DUMB. Seriously, I'm talking Bigly broken brain. Brain fog? Check. Short term memory? Wave goodbye to it. Ability to make words form out of thoughts? Yeah, good luck to you.

- Perimenopause can cause horrible fatigue because in addition to losing estrogen, you're also losing testosterone. Oh and that also leads to muscle wasting, cool cool.

- Things might suddenly hurt more because estrogen is known to be neuroprotective.

- If you're super lucky like I am, and like to collect rare illnesses, you might even get Burning Mouth Syndrome 💀

- And meanwhile, while you're going through this bullshit, you'll be getting gaslit by doctors who are operating based on 30 year old debunked data about how HRT causes breast cancer (not really) and that they shouldn't put you on it until you're in actual menopause. (Data shows starting HRT early can potentially prevent Alzheimer's in later years.)

- There are entire online clinics right now (I use Midi Health) focused on providing care for peri and menopausal patients and they will happily prescribe you HRT even if your regular PCP or OBGYN do not (if you meet the criteria). I've been pretty impressed with how holistically they view the patient. For full disclosure, I learned about them from my integrative health doctor and they do not accept Medicare (yet).

I'm 46 years old right now and I've been symptomatic for perimenopause for the last 8 years, although it's gotten the most dramatic in the past 2 years or so, which I hope means I'm almost done, holy hell. Yeah I was on the early side, but if it can happen to me, it can happen to you, so it's never too early to think about these things. And I hope to at least spare some of you the mind-fuckery I've been through because no one told me about most of this stuff, including my own mother who just DOESN'T REMEMBER what happened to her and now I completely understand why. And because I also have a connective tissue disease, I used to just dismiss my pain and fatigue as being caused by that illness rather than the loss of hormones.

Anyways, this is why we need Elders in our lives, so they can do Grandma Story Hour like I just did and validate you when the entire medical field tries to gaslight you. I hope you've found some or all of this educational/useful. Please share with your friends because we really do NOT talk about this stuff enough. (Ewwww Moon Blood!)

Stay well, and don't let the bastards grind you down!

Additional information from your 56 y.o Goth Auntie who is in menopause (Probably. My past endometrial ablation procedure makes it hard to be sure.)

Anyone who tries to tell you that perimenopause and menopause "are like going through puberty backwards" is uninformed. Puberty, while hell, was nothing compared to my experiences with perimenopause and maybe-who-knows menopause.

Can I talk about the headaches? because people who know me know I'm going to talk about the headaches.

See, as estrogen levels start to drop with the onset of perimenopause--often sharply a day or so before your now noticeably irregular periods start--the body basically experiences withdrawal from it. And! Estrogen is known to interact with serotonin and the trigeminal nerve in ways that influence pain reception! So it hurts more! And is more resistant to treatment!

(I have a high pain tolerance--I had a caesarean and stopped feeling a need for pain killers the next day--but two periods ago? that headache had me crying. at least the next period wasn't as bad. it arrived a week early, though.)

I also want to echo the stupidity. I was helping Husband work on the car today and he asked for the screwdriver. I picked up a wrench.

(I caught covid for the first time this year, and I thought the grasping for words, spotty memory, brain fog, and worse-than-ever typing were all long covid symptoms. then my period started getting weird, and, oh. perimenopause.)

For the past few months I've been trying sell as much doll stuff as I could, but I kept changing my mind and keeping dolls even though in the past I used to part with them easily. So I came up with a list of questions to ask myself whenever I consider getting rid of a doll:

1. Does this doll have a clear vibe/personality?

2. Do I like this doll nude? Will I like her in a different outfit?

3. Was this doll a well-thought purchase?

4. Do I have any plans for this doll? (photography, customizing, etc)

5. Do I enjoy holding this doll in my hands?

6. Will my collection lose anything without this doll in it?

7. Would I care about this doll if she wasn't old/rare/sought after/a good deal?

^ if I answer "no" to four or more of these questions, the doll has to go. So far I haven't regretted selling any of my dolls even though sometimes it was difficult to put them up for sale in the first place.

Feel free to use and edit this list if you're in the process of downsizing your collection too

One of the doll people I knew when I first got into doll collecting had a really good solution for decluttering that I keep meaning to follow myself. Take the dolls down from wherever, STRIP THEM ALL NUDE and now assess.

It's especially helpful if you have multiple of the same character doll, like for example Monster High.

I personally also like the leave the "sell" pile for a few weeks just sitting in a box to one side. Then I will go through it a second time once i've had a "cool off" period and pretty much forgotten what's in it. If I still feel like they all belong in the sell box, they get sold.

I've regretted too many things by impulse selling so now I take it slow.

This is a good list.

#7 has been what I struggle with the most; I call those dolls "cool to have," and I learned to tell myself that it's perfectly OK if I'm not the one who has them--they'll still be appreciated wherever they are.

From a customizer angle, I also find myself asking if I enjoyed the process of making the custom more than I enjoy having the finished doll--very often, the answer is, yes, I did enjoy making it more than having it. Thinking on this has allowed me to start to figure out which custom ideas are going to be like that--where the process is more fun than the result--and that allows me to take a step back and think more on how I can put that idea/work toward making a doll I might genuinely enjoy having.

This doesn't mean I never do customs impulsively anymore, but it does help me let any of my customs go, even if I put a lot of work into them. The process was the fun part!

It has also helped me stop taking in so much random stuff to potentially use for customs. This applies to how I now make a choice to purchase fabric now, too. The Konmari idea of letting past acquisitions teach you what you do or do not value is very helpful, and evaluating potential acquisitions in light of things let go has been very helpful for me.

Everyone has a different relation to the same hobby, and what works for one person will not necessarily benefit another. Still, seeing what other people do to deal with the same issues is always helpful.

Shibajuku Anime: Akira (Pt. 2 - The Review)

The nitty-gritty breakdown promised in Pt. 1. This post was an absolute drag to work on, but I'm glad to report I did at least find a few nice things to say. Precious few.

This is such a hilarious joke where do I even begin--

Alright friends and enemies, let's get this over with--

That's absolutely facinating they changed the sculpts, they invested money in new sculpting but then cheaped out on clothes. Why? Such a bizarre decision.

I do actually prefer the more anime eye paint and chips, i think it makes her look significantly less blank and staring. The original dolls creeped me out with how blank their gaze is. I could never warm to it.

But their clothing was SIGNIFICANTLY better made with actual fabric.

"collectors edition", lol. Wtf?

As for the character description, that sounds exactly like the terrible tween ocs I interacted with back when I used to online rp. "she's nice, but don't get on her bad side!" was such a bloody cliche I always rolled my eyes. It reads EXACTLY like those bios, which makes me wonder if it was in fact written by the original creator somewhere. Isn't she a kid? (Ok I looked it up and apparently not. I was under the impression the original dolls were designed by a teen but apparently Madeline Hunter was 29 when she designed the first ones. Huh.... I had such clear memories that there was a big thing about the designer being young. I suspect that was a misunderstanding based on her being the daughter of the company director. Everyone assumed "kid" )

But still. I wonder if they bsed the character descriptions on those terrible tween ocs.

Just wait, they'll get sparklewolf pets soon enough lol.

I wonder if the new head sculpt is because they didn't like how everyone who knew anything about Asian fashion dolls (real Asian fashion dolls) kept saying, "Huh, that sure looks like a Pullip head." I doubt Jun Planning or Groove would have threatened them with legal action, although we all know that Mattel would have if the heads looked so much like something they'd made, so it's, I guess, possible there was a request to stop on legal grounds.

Speaking of Mattel, "horrible shiny stuff that feels like paper and I never want to touch it again" is what they use for a lot of doll clothes these days when the default thin synthetic knit doesn't work for the design.

I tried editing an image of the head sculpt so the nose just...wasn't like that

and that makes it look like a Tomy Dollcena

I have pieced and cut the shirt fronts and the sleeves, and have picked out pieces for the top of the collar, which I'll assemble tomorrow. Probably.

I am trying to keep the same fabric from ending up too close to itself, which means that most of the perimeter of the back piece layout will be determined by playing keepaway with the fabrics on the edges of the other parts of the shirt. I...feel...like getting everything else done before figuring out the back will, ultimately, make placing things back there easier than if I'd done the back before the sleeves, which would have left me with trying to keep things distant on the smaller areas of the sleeves. I have no idea if this is how it will work in practice, but it's what I've left for myself.

After the back is finished, then I'll cut the front inside bands, the bottom of the collar, the collar stand, and the interfacing for all those parts. Then I can start assembling everything.

I had started recording video of the whole process, but it goes so much faster when I don't do that XD

Started working on the back, one half at a time. Sewing together the strips of squares--which have been serged and top stitched, in addition to sewn to the next row--and I realized that I wasn't paying full attention to my fabric placement and there are prints that are way too close to themselves for me to be happy. So. I need to figure out which fabrics to swap, then pick out the seam between the strips and the top stitching and serging and seam holding the pieces together, then sew in the replacement pieces and serge and top stitch and then sew the strips together (followed by more serging and top stitching)

I realize that most people wouldn't be bothered by fabric repeats like that--the shirt that inspired me to start making clothes from patchwork to begin with has a print repeat. But. It doesn't make me happy in my own projects, so I'm going to change it. (The serging and top stitching are all me, too.)

Tomorrow.

I laid out the back with a strip of pieces in the center, instead of centering a seam, because my rough estimates suggested it would be wide enough.

It is not wide enough. It would have been just right if I'd centered the seam.

So now I consider my options--add another strip to each side to keep the centered-strip configuration, but have those strips be almost completely unseen because they will mostly be in the seam allowances, or center a seam and add a strip to one side, which will also need to have pieces added to the the "shorter because it was supposed to be below the sleeve" strip so it's tall enough to reach the shoulder.

It probably will be the latter, but I balk because I'll have to pick out the stitching around a not-full-size piece that had been in an area that would, again, have mostly disappeared into the seam allowance. That's an approach that I usually need to do with patchwork for clothes, because I often don't have quite enough full-size pieces to make the area needed, so adding little pieces around the edges-- where full size pieces are going to get cut off anyway--is the most economical use of fabric. I, however, have a lot of full-size pieces of this project left at this point, so I really don't need to be stingy

Tomorrow

I have pieced and cut the shirt fronts and the sleeves, and have picked out pieces for the top of the collar, which I'll assemble tomorrow. Probably.

I am trying to keep the same fabric from ending up too close to itself, which means that most of the perimeter of the back piece layout will be determined by playing keepaway with the fabrics on the edges of the other parts of the shirt. I...feel...like getting everything else done before figuring out the back will, ultimately, make placing things back there easier than if I'd done the back before the sleeves, which would have left me with trying to keep things distant on the smaller areas of the sleeves. I have no idea if this is how it will work in practice, but it's what I've left for myself.

After the back is finished, then I'll cut the front inside bands, the bottom of the collar, the collar stand, and the interfacing for all those parts. Then I can start assembling everything.

I had started recording video of the whole process, but it goes so much faster when I don't do that XD

Started working on the back, one half at a time. Sewing together the strips of squares--which have been serged and top stitched, in addition to sewn to the next row--and I realized that I wasn't paying full attention to my fabric placement and there are prints that are way too close to themselves for me to be happy. So. I need to figure out which fabrics to swap, then pick out the seam between the strips and the top stitching and serging and seam holding the pieces together, then sew in the replacement pieces and serge and top stitch and then sew the strips together (followed by more serging and top stitching)

I realize that most people wouldn't be bothered by fabric repeats like that--the shirt that inspired me to start making clothes from patchwork to begin with has a print repeat. But. It doesn't make me happy in my own projects, so I'm going to change it. (The serging and top stitching are all me, too.)

Tomorrow.

The Fae Thought He Had Her, but She's Had Lots of Practice

Actual Title: "On Foreign Soil."

The fae was having a grand old time with his latest toy. Mortals were easily befuddled with the magic of contract-and-courtesy. He'd taken pretty much all he could from the family: several names, the mother's attention, the son's concept of friendship... Even the life of the father.

He'd taken that one taking just the right moment of his time, the one where he moved just out of the oncoming car's path. That also took out the youngest daughter and making a new neverwas to lurk in the pockets of lost time around the home.

The tricks made him strong. The sense of betrayal and regret humans had when they realized how screwed they truly were was like honey: rich, sweet, and immune to spoilage. If anything, in the last sixty-some-odd years he'd been home the humans had gotten more petulant and even easier to trick.

It was a veritable buffet.

So when the eldest daughter returned home from college, he expected her to be easy pickings. The young were always foolish and prideful, and very often rude. They gave him so many opportunities.

So when she threw open the door, and stared at him with cold green eyes, he immediately laughed in delight. His face took on a distinctively 'David Bowiesq' aspect, a trick he found worked well the last time he'd been to the mortal lands.

"Oh, hello. May I have your name, lass?" He cooed in a cocky-yet-soothing voice.

"My name is Alex, and no." She said.

He raised a brow. She was canny, or at least half-canny. She knew enough to object to him taking it. Still, she had answered, and by the laws of the fae, the latter objection did not override the former offer.

So why wasn't he Alex now?

It was odd, but sometimes mortals were a little resistant to magic. He worried for a moment she was a skeptic, but she couldn't be. Her response meant she knew, or at least suspected, what he was. Moreover, he didn't feel the painful chill and sluggishness empiressece caused, nor the crushing weight of the explicable upon his bird-hollow bones.

No, she was just lucky, or was carrying an iron horseshoe, nothing he couldn't handle in his, or someone else's sleep.

"And what the fuck are you calling yourself, asshole?"

He blinked.

The impudence hit him like a slap. She'd just given him the opening to do anything he wanted, but the raw temerity of the insult, it's artless crudeness, it's utter lack of respect stunned him too much to enjoy it. His rage and petulance rushed into the hole left by his shock, and he sputtered.

"You rude little beast, you have no idea what you've brought upon yourself!"

He raised one pale hand, the flesh fading from it to leave nothing but blackened bone, and he pointed the index finger at her in a silent gesture. He let fly his curse. Not just any curse, but his, the one he had made for just such an occasion.

Alex stared at him. Arms crossed. Her hair was the color of the fae's on rage.

"What's the matter, cat got your brain?"

The fae's confidence wavered and the flesh returned to his hand.

"Where are the spiders?" He said. "There... there ought to be spiders! There should be spiders!"

She rolled her eyes.

"You broke the laws of courtesy and decorum! I can do as I please as a wronged noble! You should be spiders!"

"Whose laws?" It was Alex's turn to smile.

"Why, the only ones that matter, the laws of Faerie, as laid down by Oberon and Tita-"

"And Titsforbrains, yeah. I was five once and I can read. I know your dumb politics. Slight problem. Where are you now?"

"The mortal realm?"

"More specifically?"

"The Earth. The United States."

"Exactly." Alex smiled. "And while you might come the land of the platonic ideal of inbred nepobabies, in the United States of America, no law says I can't call a fuckface a fuckface. Fuckface."

The fae tried a different curse, yet Alex was not being twisted into any sort of goat, ironic or otherwise. "But, that doesn't matter! We're a higher form of being, our laws override yours."

"No they don't." Alex said with a confidence reserved for honey badgers and humans of age three. "Now undo all your bullshit and get out of my house."

"Nuh-uh!" The Fae's cocky smirk returned. With a flourish, he pulled out a deed. "It's my house, I got it off your mother, fair-and-square. She traded it for the heart your little brother so foolishly traded me. So you should get out of MY house."

"Contracts signed under duress are non-enforceable." She said in a bored, dismissive tone.

The Fae started to object, but the contract was already crumbling into dried daffodil petals in his hand. He tried to pretend this wasn't terrifying. Inexplicable happenings were supposed to be caused by him, not happen to him. "Are you a wizard?"

"Don't be stupid. I just know my rights." She said. "I'm betting you didn't disclose the full terms of the contracts either?"

The Fae shook his head, more from fear than as a response to the question. Of course he hadn't. If the mortals didn't do their due diligence and couldn't read Linear-B, that wasn't his fau-

The thirty years he stole from the youngest boy ripped themselves out of his body. A half dozen other deals began popping at the seams.

"How are you doing this?" He gasped.

"I'm not doing it. You are. You're idiot who runs on rules and laws who decided to come scam innocent people for your own profit and amusement."

"But it always worked before-" The Fae ran his mind through all his previous romps. Every single human had whined and begged about how unfair things were. Why was this one different?

He ran through those memories again. They were among his favorites so it was easy for him to see every detail. An old man trying to argue Fae law with him. A shepherd girl trying to use her own word games to trap him. A hippie saying almost the exact same words about non-enforceable contracts.

Almost.

He ran through the memories again and again. Always impressed or terrified or blinded by greed, the mortals always argued on his terms, always went back to his wording of the deal or contract, always appealed to the laws of his people and his own noble position.

None of them had ever argued jurisdiction. Once one of them had, it applied, not just now, not just to these toys, but retroactively, and, from how it felt, with interest.

"Oh." Was all the Fae could say.

"Yes. 'Oh.'" Alex smiled like the cat that ate the proverbial canary. "Children can't sign contracts, either, you know."

Everything the Fae had done to the boy snapped back at once. It felt like every seventh tendon in his body had been snipped simultaneously with tiny scissors.

"Nor can someone sign away the right to kill them to someone else, or sell themselves or others into slavery."

Alex's father reappeared in the living room, looking dazed. In his lap was Alex's youngest sister, now remembered by all present as a person that existed. The return of the father's moment was a minor loss, but there was one less neverwas in the Castle of Paradox, and the Baron would blame him for its unmaking.

"Also, names aren't transferable between people, nor are they the whole and sum of a person's identity in this country. The closest thing we have to that is a social security number. And if you steal one of those, well, identity theft is a crime here."

Mr. Baxter, Mrs. Baxter, Julie and Sam's lights all turned on at once, though they were still groggy and half-asleep and would be for hours to come.

A fortune in names, first, middle, last, with nicknames and pet-names and all between, all vanished from the Fae's purse. He could feel its lightness in his pocket.

The Fae turned on his heels. "I fear I must take my leave, so sorry for the inconvenience!"

He was halfway to the door. The impact on the back of his skull knocked him forward off his feet, sending him slamming into the polished wood floor. The projectile that laid him out bounced and landed by his head.

He'd been right about her having an iron horseshoe.

"You don't get to walk away." She said. He felt her steel-toed boot, soles made of entirely synthetic rubber and cleats of cold steel, press against the base of his spine. His hollow, bird-bone spine. "You don't get to fuck with people, say 'my bad' when you get caught, and run."

"Y-your law!" He gasped. He felt his bones cracking. He wanted to turn into something else but he couldn't focus. She was pressing down harder now, because she was half-kneeling. Her hand picked up the fallen horseshoe. "You have to let me go, or arrest me, turn me over to your police, right? You can't just murder me!"

"What are you?"

"I- I'm a Faerie of Arcadia, a sub-Prince of the House of-"

"So not a human. And not an animal." She kept him pinned.

"No!" He growled. Blood the color of an oil slick on the highway began to fill his mouth. The pain made him forget his fear for a moment, and he bared his true face, something between a bug, a wax store mannequin, and a pug-dog. "We-we're a higher form of life! Far beyond anything this miserable pile of dung you call a planet has to offer! You will pay for this impertinence the moment you break the law that holds me!"

"You're a lot of things. A bully, a pest, a liar. But you're not human. And you're not an animal. In fact, as far as the laws of this land are concerned, you aren't real."

Alex lifted her boot to kick him onto his back, then pinned him again.

"Th-then you can't kill me!" He laughs. "You can't kill something that's not real! You've trapped yourself! You'll have to let me go!"

"You haven't been to our 'pile of dung' in some time have you?" Alex asked. She nodded to a strange white book-shaped object that sat unopened, upright, next to the television, next to a pair of white and black crescent-moon shaped objects studded with small white and black buttons.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

--

Six hours later, a notification popped up on Alex's dorm room computer.