J.D.:When you fucking die, I’m gonna turn you into a diamond.
Turk:Are you-Are you gonna put me on display??
J.D.:I’ll wear you as a pendant. I’ll carry you around the universe with me.
J.D.: You didn't like Ringling brother for brothers?
Turk: It would've been the greatest show on earf!
(after J.D. agreed to become friends again with Elliot)
Turk: 'You're my best friend'? First, you already got a best friend. (points to himself) And second, she's just not that into you.
J.D.: Hey, she's still transitioning into seeing me as a viable heterosexual.
Elliot: I'm gonna go get lunch, anyone want anything?
Turk: Just get me a sandwich, I'll pay you back next week.
Elliot: Cool, anyone else want anything?
J.D.: Your love and affection.
Elliot: Aw, babe...
J.D.: Babe.....
Turk: This is really sweet and stuff but I want my sandwich.
J.D.: i mean it's crazy!
Turk: what
J.D.: we finish each other's-
Turk: sentences. it better be sentences. touch my sandwich and i will slit your throat
J.D.: You know what, bro? Turk: What? J.D.: If i were a cat, i’d spend all 9 lives with you Turk: *clutches heart* … bro
Turk: (slapping J.D on the butt) Way to go J.D. [J.D walks away] Turk: It's a lot firmer than you think.
(Turk punches Elliot in the face)
Elliot: What the hell was that for?
Turk: Sleeping with my wife.
Elliot: Carla?
Turk: J.D.
Turk: Dude?
J.D: Yeah?
Turk: Where's the pie?