Jack: My hands are cold
Sam: Oh, here! *holds Jack’s hands*
Jack: …my lips are cold too.
Sam: what are you looking at?
Jack, taking a buzzfeed quiz to find out which holiday candle scent he is: porn.
Sam:Why do you want to work for NASA?
Jack, internally:There are no ghosts in space.
Jack:I just really want to help people, y'know?
Jack:All in all, a 100% successful mission.
Sam:We lost Guy!
Jack:All in all, a 100% successful
Teal'c: Sam's happy so as her friend you should-
Jack: - Probably be trying to break her and Pete up? Yeah I just don't know if that seems like me.
Jack: I spy with my little eye something that is-
Sam: White ice?
Jack: Did you forget to set your alarm?
Sam: I had my yoga class.
Jack: Well, I hope you've gotten in touch with your chi.
Teal'c: What's up, homie?
Sam: Jack? You broke Teal'c!
Sam: I can't believe I ordered you to shoot her.
Jack: I almost did, too. I would shoot anyone for you.
Sam: Have you got any enemies?
Daniel: No. I'm universally popular and well-liked. Why would anyone wanna kill me?
Teal'c: I can think of a few reasons.
Hammond: Definitely.
Jack: Shitloads.
Sam: ...You annoy people.
Daniel: Whoa, what happened?
Jack: Baal's dead.
Hammod: How?
Jack: Shot.
Sam: Blown up.
Teal'c: You guys are thorough.
Sam: …I really need to know what you want.
Jack: You want to know what I want. [he kisses her]
Sam: Ok, that works for me.
Jack: Oh my god, that bag is soaked with grease. I'm telling you right now, i don't care what's in it, I'm eating it.
Sam: It's a human head.
Jack: If it's deep fried, I'm still in.
Sam: What would I do without you?
Jack: Oh suffer endlessly, no doubt.
Jack: Yeah, I don't like people.
Sam: Oh, well now that's not fair Jack. Have you met all of them?
Jack: I've met enough of them. People; What a bunch of bastards.
Jack: You did it.
Sam: Did you ever doubt I would?
Jack: No, though the burning red room did give me pause.
Teal'c: That was weird.
Jack: What was?
Real'c: Sam just hung up on me.
Jack: Happens to me all the time.