Dan: I should be in charge. I’m the older brother.
J.D.: Do you even want to be in charge?
Dan: No... but I'd like to be asked!
(Turk punches Elliot in the face)
Elliot: What the hell was that for?
Turk: Sleeping with my wife.
Elliot: Carla?
Turk: J.D.
Turk: Dude?
J.D: Yeah?
Turk: Where's the pie?
[Elliot and J.D both reach for the latex gloves]
J.D: Go ahead.
Elliot: No, you go ahead.
J.D: No, no, no. Be my guest. I know how much you like snapping on the latex.
Carla: That's what you got busted for, ringing a bell?
J.D: Yeah, mm hmm.
Carla: That's it? Bell ringing?
J.D: Yes.
Carla: Uh, were you at least smoking a Cuban cigar while you were doing it?
J.D: Carla.
Carla: No, I mean, bad boy. How many times have I told you not to ring bells?
J.D: Look, I need to talk to someone. I can really use a friend right now.
Perry: Okay then well, good luck with that.
J.D: I'm just going to wander around in the rain.
Elliot: Uhh... it's not raining.
J.D: I can't catch a break!
JD: I'm saying, you're a football player. It's in your blood!
Turk: That's racist.
JD: Your soul.
Turk: That's racist.
JD: Your eyes?
Turk: That's gay?
JD: That's homophobic.
Turk: That's black.
JD: That's racist.
Turk: Damn.