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You Are Not Alone

@disintegratedsanity / disintegratedsanity.tumblr.com

This is a Mental Health support blog. Where you can come and talk about your problems and we will not judge. Where you can submit problems that you deal with when dealing with your neurodivergence.
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How to Bring up your own Mental Health Issues with a Friend

  • Be prepared: Think about the different reactions, positive and negative, that the person might have so you’re prepared. The person will be thinking about their perception of mental illness, you as a person and how the two fit together.
  • Choose a good time: Choose a time and place when you feel comfortable and ready to talk.
  • Be ready for lots of questions…or none: The person you are talking to might have lots of questions or need further formation to help them understand. Or they might feel uncomfortable and try to move the conversation on – if this happens it’s still helpful that the first step has been taken.
  • An initial reaction might not last: The person might initially react in a way that’s not helpful – maybe changing the subject, using clichés rather than listening. But give them time.
  • Have some information ready: Sometimes people find it easier to find out more in their own time – why not hand them a leaflet or a printout of some information on what you’re dealing with?
  • Keep it light: We know that sometimes people are afraid to talk about mental health because they feel they don’t know what to say or how to help. So keeping the conversation light will help make you both feel relaxed.
  • Take up opportunities to talk: If someone asks you about your mental health, don’t shy away, be yourself and answer honestly if you feel safe doing so.
  • Courage is contagious: Often once mental health is out in the open, people want to talk. Don’t be surprised if your honesty encourages other people to talk about their own experiences.
  • Give them time: Some people need to take a little to think about things like this, maybe do their own research before they want to go deeper into the topic. This is not necessarily a bad sign!
  • Their reaction is not your fault: Unfortunately, there will always be people that do not react well. While that is disappointing, keep in mind that this is not your fault. You can’t be blamed for what you’re dealing with and did nothing wrong - the problem is their attitude, not you.
  • Let them know what you need: Be open about how you would like them to support you - it can be much easier for people to not feel overwhelmed when they know what is expected of them.
  • Remember this is about you: Make sure you are comfortable with everything that happens and is discussed. Don’t let them ask questions that make you uncomfortable and don’t just accommodate them.

Let me know if anything should be added/changed!

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How to Talk to a Friend about their Mental Health Issues & Support them

Do:

  • Be direct and honest; talk openly
  • Be positive; encourage your friend
  • Encourage trust
  • Listen carefully
  • Be supportive
  • Take care of yourself
  • Be available
  • Be patient
  • Express concerns in specific terms
  • Be aware and non-judgmental
  • Ask what you can do to help
  • Respect "no"s
  • Ask questions, be responsive
  • Educate yourself on the disorder (if they have one)
  • Pay attention
  • Take talk of suicide very seriously
  • Be natural, be yourself
  • Invite your friend out for walks, activities and fun
  • Give them space when they need it
  • Remind your friend there is hope
  • Remember that they may not always see that hope

Do not:

  • Act shocked
  • Be critical, skeptical or dismissive
  • Be patronizing or overpowering
  • Lecture
  • Take over your friend’s life
  • Respond negatively
  • Avoid the concern or issue
  • Judge your friend
  • Give up or get discouraged
  • Get defensive or angry
  • Tell your friend to ‘snap out of it’
  • Ignore your friend’s concerns
  • Suggest you have all the answers
  • Try to be their therapist
  • Be afraid of being wrong
  • Joke about the situation (but let them joke if they want to)
  • Ask “why”
  • Overextend yourself
  • Try to diagnose your friend
  • Be disappointed if they can't do certain things
  • Push them past their limits
  • Push yourself past your limits to help

If you can think of anything else or have any corrections, please reply to this post or send me an ask!

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Hi folks!

The askbox has been cleaned out now and will be reopened shortly! If you need anything, please don't hesitate to send an ask or submission and I'll answer as soon as possible. I'll be around for a while today, so I will hopefully be able to answer relatively fast.

As a reminder, I'm mainly here to help with things concerning neurodivergence - meaning mental illness, developmental disorders and learning disorders. However, I can also help with things like gender, sexuality and romantic orientation, so you can also direct these kinds of questions here. The focus remains on the above mentioned topics, though.

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Hey. This is a link to a post I made about Depression quest you guys might want to share around.

Guys I’ve personally checked this out. I would strongly recommend NOT playing it if you are already feeling crappy, or easily triggered into depressive episodes. But I think it might be a very good link to send to friends/family who don’t seem to “get it” but want to be supportive. Tell them to play it all the way through and then see what they thought about it.

- Jordan

I really recommend this as a means of teaching somebody what depression is like.

-Kat

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Let's talk about depression.

So there’s a depressed person in your life. This can be hard! As a depressed person, I know that I am sometimes a yawning chasm of neediness and tears. It’s entirely possible that you have never had this kind of predicament in your relationships before, or that you’re a veteran but need some support. Either way, here are some tips (courtesy of some messages from my mother, which did 100% the wrong thing).

Don’t:

  1. Assume you know what’s bothering them. You probably don’t. Fun fact: with depression, there’s rarely a “thing” that’s bothering us. It’s usually a huge conglomeration of things.
  2. Use phrases like “You’re just making yourself miserable!” or “How about looking at the positive?” or “What is being angry REALLY doing for you?” They are not only minimizing the depressed person’s very real predicament, but condescending, patronizing, and alienating besides.
  3. Speaking of minimizing… Telling a depressed person that they’re being irrational, overreactive, or melodramatic feels a lot like being slapped and will cause a depressed person to close off and feel worse. Depressed people are usually hypersensitive to whether or not their reactions are perceived as “ridiculous” to begin with, but we don’t have a lot of control over them. Mostly, if we start getting tearful or angry over something that seems small to you, we’re just as frustrated by our reaction as you might be. 
  4. Be brusque, or try “tough love.” It won’t work. It will make the situation worse and make us feel like shit about ourselves, besides.
  5. Assume that you can treat depression like a bout of the sads. It’s not as simple as that. It’s a chemical imbalance that we can’t talk ourselves out of, or sleep off, or brush aside. It hurts. It’s there all the time.

Do:

  1. Be aware that what helps and what doesn’t varies from person to person. The following list are suggestions, but are by no means universal rules.
  2. Wait for us to talk to you if we come to you. Often, depressed people have a hard time vocalizing what’s wrong. Sometimes literally all we need is someone to cry on.
  3. Be empathetic. Understand that depression is a hard, exhausting thing to battle, and that gentle reassurance or a comforting text or a small gesture of appreciation can go a long way. 
  4. Reach out with support, and ask what you can do to help. If the answer is “nothing” (and it might be because we don’t always know what can be done to help) ask what you can do to help us move forward past this one hard moment — sometimes that thing is a hug, sometimes that thing is a rewatch of Clueless, and sometimes that thing is a crisis hotline. The important thing is to ask. Simple things that show we are loved and valued by you can be huge.
  5. Reach out for support. This is a universal thing both for depressed people and for people who are trying to be supportive of people with depression. It can be really, really fucking hard, and a huge strain on a relationship (both ways, when one person feels like they can’t meet another’s needs and the other feels like their needs aren’t being met). But there are always people who are there to lend a shoulder; whether those people are family and friends, a therapist, or a crisis counselor, they’re there.

Here are some numbers.

Love and solidarity. x

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Depression resources master post

-Kat

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We posted this not long ago and, since then, people have been reblogging this, saying how the submitter was invalidating people's depression etc.

I want to apologize to anybody who thought of this as offensive.

However, I do not believe it is meant in a negative way to anybody suffering from depression. I am not the submitter of this, but I think they mean people who, for example, use depressed and sad as if they were interchangeable, those who never really experienced depression, but use it as a label or just generally incorrectly, meaning those who do not actually fit the symptoms and would not be diagnosed with depression.

I understand that this is easy to misunderstand, but I do believe this is what the submitter meant.

-Kat

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