better luck next time, don't worry so much

anyway the “nice cock jason” tiktok is playing in my head at all times on repeat indefinitely

nice cock jason Thursday

Our bus has been impounded

This party act is grounded

We will be here forever

This was a cursed endeavor

Our Venga story’s tragic

We stole our party magic

From ancient wizard’s tower

We didn’t know his power

He turned us into weevils

And made our bus illegal

There is no hope of rescue

We’re sorry that we failed you

[x]

no this isn’t happening

zoom meeting

a couple weeks ago this guy posted in the chicago pagan facebook group saying that he’s a djinn and that there’s a portal between here and egypt and only he and one other person had the power to close it and there was going to be a massive sandstorm… like dude, close the fucking portal, why are you even telling us this

UM FJFKDJFJD HELLO

in memoriam 

(source)

This fukcing guy ok story time. I'm a hunter and I spot a rabbit in the field so I go up to it all sneaky but it jumps in a hole. I stick my rifle in the hole and shoot. Little do I know that the rabbit had escaped out another hole positioned right behind me. My rifle, bending like a rubber hose to pop out of the other hole, was now in the perfect position to shoot my asshole

*goes to Coachella in a white linen suit like an antebellum lawyer, sweating profusely and dabbing at my forehead with a handkerchief* now, I’m no fancy scientist, but would you folk know where a simple gentleman such as myself could obtain some acid? Now, I’m no big city lawyer, but could any of you fine youths point a country boy such as myself in the direction of some fucking acid?

easily a contender for post of the decade

WAIT NO DUDE DONT SUCK THAT COCK ITS LOADBEARING *whole building collapses*

my family fucked up my life by using spoonerisms interchangeably with their true phrase counterparts since before i was born and now i can’t escape from instinctively saying shit like “im gonna shake a tower”

oh “meeking a smee” made me feel like i was being fucking tazed

theres a lot of people on this website who dont realize their dad is a gnome

it’s that time again

yelling hard enough triggers my gag reflex

I cannot believe I get to see this video again 

*pronounces “hors d’oeuvres” as “horse divorce”*