How to Survive a Shovel Talk
Pairings: Malleus Draconia/Fem!Reader; A Bit of Reader/Everyone; Azul Ashengrotto/OC
Word Count: 9k
Rating: Mostly SFW (some NSFW humor towards the end - ie. includes some literal kink shaming, so...)
Summary: It's not your fault that your best friend is hopelessly, obliviously, in love with Azul Ashengrotto. But a horrible pair of moray eels are going to make it your problem.
A/N: A commission for a friend of mine! Pure, unadulterated, insanity
“Awwww,” Floyd whined. “I know she’s your best friend and all, but what’s a little gossip between other friends, hah?”
You gawked. “You asked what her weaknesses are. Like a stupid video game character, or—or—”
Floyd threw a too-long-arm across your shoulders. “But we’re all friends here, yeah? And she hasn’t been around as long as you have, Shrimpy! At least, with like, y’know,” he pressed down a bit too firmly, “a ‘corporal form’ or whatever. So sometimes you gotta’ reach outward to ask for someone’s bits and bobs. It’s just kidding around stuff, anyways!”
You twitched. Because, yeah, maybe—maybe—joking around about someone’s metaphorical Achille’s Heel could be gentle banter between friends. Maybe. But this was Floyd, so it was clearly a stick up. Or an attempt to destroy you all. Or something.