today i layed an egg. woke up around 10am. layed an egg

A spoon's only objective in life is to make soup go upwards, and it knows this. That's why when you put one under a running tap it blasts the water way high. The spoon thinks there's suddenly TONS of soup to deal with and it freaks out.

favorite visual gag in cartoons is when someone gets dismembered and a femur bone is sticking out no matter what the body part

& they say romance is dead

Yall have it so good with your gotdamn spotify and your gotdamn youtube 2 mp3 websites. Back in my day they flew planes into the World Trade Center. It was a national tragedy.

everytime someone rbs this i get a notification as though it were my post, even the rbs that don’t have my addition. go away onion post i am not your mother

Abandoned by its biological mother, the onion post instead imprints on a random passerby that fed it.

Today’s Seal Is: Ya Really Mean It?

one of my favorite tweets ever

night time dry mouth like a suckling pig to my water bottle heaven

Reblog to give prev a fucking break holy shit y’all

it is not normal for grown men to find teenage girls sexually attractive. in fact, the older you get, the less attractive teenagers should become. i cannot believe people are arguing about this

humans are not “wired” to find younger people attractive. you are just poisoned by the normalization of pedophilia and capitalist ideals of beauty. your tastes are supposed to age with you.

touches your paw with my paw really gently

these are the guys who lick your clothes clean when you put them in the dishwasher

washing machine