The truck stops back in the station and Buck is off like a shot, ignoring the way Eddie calls after him. It’s been a long shift, and technically still isn’t over, but it might as well be—they’re not expecting to get sent out again in their last few minutes after spending hours cleaning up the train derailment. Eddie is exhausted down to his very bones, aches in muscles he forgot he even had. But he’s not worried about himself—he’s worried about Buck.
He swings down off the truck and Hen is leaning against the side of the other, arms crossed, her brow furrowed as she looks off after Buck.
“Did I hear right?” She asks. “Abby?”
Eddie sighs. “I’m gonna—”
“Yeah—yeah, you should. Go after him.”
The thing is, Eddie knew vaguely that Buck had an ex named Abby who left before he started. He knew that Buck had spent months hanging onto a relationship that everyone but him seemed to understand was already over. But it’s been nearly two years and Buck’s dated—Eddie hadn’t realized how affected Buck still was until he saw his face earlier in the night, until Buck recklessly risked his life to save her new fiancé.
There’s something fierce and protective inside him that makes him want to snap and snarl and claw on Buck’s behalf. But as there’s no one to snap at—Abby’s been gone for hours—Eddie will settle for making sure Buck is okay. So he strips down and heads to the showers.
The other man is facing the wall, head bowed low under the spray. He doesn’t react until Eddie says his name again.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Yeah, well, you could have died tonight,” Eddie shoots back. “So, we’re going to.”
Buck lifts his head and glares. “I knew what I was doing, Eddie. Just because you and Bobby decided to treat me like a child doesn’t mean I am one—”
“Yeah, and I’m not an idiot. I know what a suicide mission looks like. So maybe let’s be honest with each other, okay?”
That was why he walked away before, let Bobby take over. Because he had been afraid of what he might say, what might slip out in the heat of the moment with tensions running high. He had been half-tempted to grab Buck by his shoulders and step in close—
Don’t you understand? Don’t you know that we care about you? That we need you? That I—
Buck deflates, his mask of set jaw and sparking eyes cracking, slipping away to reveal the devastation underneath.
“I wasn’t trying to—” Buck swipes at his eyes, rubs a hand over his face. “It really wasn’t like that, I swear, I was…almost positive I could do it. That I could save him. And I did—I did, dammit, I—”
Eddie doesn’t hesitate. He steps under the spray with Buck, pulling him into his arms. For half a moment, Buck resists the pull, but then he shudders and drops his head to Eddie’s shoulder.
“I saved him,” Buck repeats, muffled and wet against Eddie’s skin. Eddie bites his lip and closes his eyes, tightening his arms.
“I know. I know you did.”
“I gave her everything. I did everything right. Even tonight, after all this time, seeing her again was just—I’m not still in love with her, but it didn’t matter, I still wanted—and it still wasn’t enough. I wasn’t.”
Eddie’s stomach drops, his throat getting tight. He pulls back, sliding one hand around Buck’s neck to look him in the eye.
“Hey. Listen to me.” Buck’s eyes are red, but he looks up. Eddie swallows.
“You are enough,” he says. “You are more than enough. God, Buck—everything you’ve done for me, for Christopher, for this team, and yeah, hell, everything you did for her tonight—it’s incredible. And it means more than I could ever—you’re enough. I see that. I see you. If she couldn’t, that just means she didn’t deserve you.”
Buck exhales shakily, his eyes closing. He’s quiet for a long moment.
“Everyone always leaves,” he admits, eyes still closed. “My whole life, nobody—nobody ever stays.”
“I’ll stay,” Eddie promises. Buck makes a hurt sound, but still doesn’t open his eyes. Eddie’s thumb gently strokes the side of his neck.
“I’ll stay,” he repeats. “Let me prove it.”
Eddie sways closer, presses his forehead against Buck’s.
Let me be good for you, too.
Buck shudders again, but then his hand is sliding around the back of Eddie’s neck and his mouth is on his and Eddie—
—feels like he’s come home.
