so like there's this thing that happens where if you become suicidal in very early childhood and spend the rest of your life in varying states of dissociation and derealization, floating by assuming your physical life will be brief and not caring about that, eventually, if things go right and you manage enough effexor and therapy and stop experiencing major traumas for a year straight: you will wake up from this dream. You will realize you've been living in the real world. It will occur to you that you will have a real and tangible future, and that here and now you are still alive.
And buddy
You're gonna want to watch your cholesterol suddenly.