these recent episodes in particular have been so endlessly heartbreaking and fascinating regarding not only how logan's abuse has manifested differently in each roy but also how the forms the abuse took as well as logan's motivation/emotion behind it varied so greatly from kid to kid. each kid is uniquely damaged, both because they're different individuals and also because the treatment they experienced wasn't uniform at all. i think kendall and shiv received the most similar treatment, just with variations based on their identities as Golden Boy and Woman (Derogatory) respectively -- i think logan's approach towards both of them was rooted in his desire for them to 'reach their full potential' in his eyes (which, again, probably means different things depending on what genitalia they have). connor, meanwhile, was subject to pure neglect. but despite the differences in the abuse experienced by kendall, shiv, and connor, one thing holds true for all of them: each one of them is obsessed with independence, be that through rebellion or self-sufficiency. they convince themselves they're over it, over needing dad's love, because they're their own people now, so everyone else can suck it. they're lying, of course, but they're trying to believe it so hard it's painful.
and then there's roman, whose abuse at logan's hands has had the opposite effect: it's nearly impossible for him to even conceive of himself as a real person with agency and value. while logan's 'tough love,' as he'd call it (although most psychologists would call it 'abuse'), towards ken and shiv was motivated by his desire to actually make them live up to their potential, and to increase their value by instilling (what he viewed as) 'positive qualities' into them, logan's 'tough love' for roman was motivated by his desire to beat the wrongness out of him. rather than trying to add anything positive or bring out the best in roman, logan's priority when dealing with roman was trying to get rid of (what he viewed as) the 'negative qualities' inherent within him. and when he couldn't, he sent him away to military school. ken and shiv were taught to live up to their respective potentials, connor had to teach himself how to live because no one else did it for him, but roman wasn't taught anything -- he was only taught how not to be. because while the others were lacking qualities logan desired, roman was innately, uniquely, entirely wrong. it wasn't a matter of making roman into the man logan wanted him to be so much as it was unmaking roman into something logan could look at without feeling sick. because roman is abnormal, unforgivably so. he's broken, fucked up. he's not made right. real people, normal people, don't act like this, feel like this. everyone else is a person and he isn't, so he doesn't count, not really. while logan shaped the identities of kendall, shiv, and even connor, all he did for roman was convince him that he's not enough of a person to have one, that all he is and all he'll ever be is Wrong.
(this got really long so the rest is under the cut!)