I Don’t Give a Crappuccino
The sound of bickering had Ron sighing heavily. He would give anything for even a moment of silence. The mid-afternoon rush of customers was already too much on his nerves, let alone wanting to deal with his worst customers.
“Fancy seeing you here, Potter,” Malfoy—I am too good for a first name—drawled in a tone that set Ron’s teeth to grinding. He didn’t know why the man bothered pretending it was a surprise to see Harry. They both came into Java Prince every Friday. Every single bloody Friday. Of course it would happen to be on the same shift Ron worked. Every single one.
Ron groaned, not even bothering to smile at the next customer in line. Miss McGonagall wasn’t one for pleasantries anyway.
When Harry said something that had Malfoy going off, Pansy smiled in a way Ron knew she didn’t do outside of work—someone could only be so polite, a trait he knew she didn’t possess—and whispered, “They’re at it again.”
When the rush of customers eased, and they could both relax, Ron slumped against the espresso machine, not bothering to care that Snape might catch him. The git was a shitty boss to begin with. How a man so surly ran a popular coffee shop, was a complete mystery. One look at the man’s dour face and suspicious sneer would send any sane person to Starbucks in a heartbeat.
“It really is sad,” Pansy spoke up, eyes riveted to where Harry and Malfoy were still arguing. “They don’t even realize how much sexual tension is bleeding through. If they were just a tad bit younger, I would flirt with either of them.”
Ron tilted his head to the side before switching to the opposite as he thought it through. Both men were relatively good looking—if one was into guys in their mid-thirties—and neither had a wedding ring. “Maybe. But their personalities aren’t really something that you would want, right?” Harry was at least kind, but there was definitely some snark in him, the man could keep up with Malfoy’s rude behavior as well.
“Who said I want them for their personalities?” She wiggled her brows, eyes glinting in mischievousness.
“Gross,” Ron complained as he looked back to the customers. “Can either of them even get it up?”
A loud cough had Ron startling as Miss Longbottom stood at the counter, eyeing him in disappointment.
“What can I get for you, dear?” He batted his eyelashes, hoping to come off as endearing. When her lips thinned even further, Ron gestured for Pansy to take over the order.
“An espresso.” It was said as a demand, something Ron knew Pansy wouldn’t handle very well.
Pansy smiled her customer service smile, which had Ron wincing at how fake it came off. “Sorry, ma’am, but here at Java Prince, we require the title as it is printed on the menu to ensure we are giving customers the accurate order.”
When Miss Longbottom sighed heavily, Ron had to bite his lip to stop from smiling. Snape wouldn’t be a ridiculous owner if he had normal titles for his drinks. Everything in the store was uniquely named to ensure the customers were uncomfortable. Lovely man.
“I would like the largest Depresso you have,” Miss Longbottom growled out bitterly.
Ron prepared the order, grateful that he didn’t have to deal with her. Sometimes, he wondered why getting a job in customer service had ever crossed his mind. Surely, there was something out there that would hold him over till he graduated.
As soon as the Depresso had been placed on the counter and Miss Longbottom stormed away, Ron stood up straighter at the sight of Harry standing in front of his register.
“What can I get for you?”
Harry smiled warmly before looking into the dessert cases. “Can I have two Sourdough Sectumsempra Scones?”
Ron took the payment, lost in thought. It wasn’t often Harry or Malfoy ate here, not that he would blame them. Snape wasn’t the best cook—Ron liked to think Snape sold his soul to maintain a steady flow of customers.
When Pansy came up behind him to rest her chin on his shoulder, they both watched Harry walk up to Malfoy and toss the scones down.
“Here, you lazy wanker,” Harry muttered in frustration before sitting next to Malfoy in their usual stools.
“I trust you didn’t poison them,” snarked Malfoy, eyes glinting.
Harry let out a laugh as he shook his head. “Poisoning you would be a dream of mine. Can you imagine the silence that would fill my life?”
Ron furrowed his brows, wondering if they had finally moved on from insults and entered into some kind of strange flirting.
“Please,” Draco breathed out, eyes rolling dramatically. “You wouldn’t know how to live without me.”
“Hmmm,” Pansy hummed, watching them banter back and forth. “I think we don’t need to plot anything. They seem to be flirting on their own.”
“Plotting?” asked Ron incredulously. “I wasn’t going to help you plot anything. Working here is enough of an energy drainer. Snape sucks out everything I could possibly give just by existing.”
“Is that so?” The drawling tone had Ron’s eyes widening as he straightened up. Of course the git would choose now to re-enter the living world. “Perhaps you have more energy than you realize. Weasley, clean the kitchen. I do believe the breakfast dishes have yet to be washed.”
Ron would have groaned if he wasn’t worried about losing his job. He sighed internally before taking off his apron and going into the back.
The sight of every possible pot and pan Snape owned piled into the sink had his shoulders slumping.
Snape was the worst boss ever.
“Can I get… uh… what exactly is in a Half-Blood Latte?” Ron rolled his eyes, not having the patience to deal with this customer. The woman had asked what was in every single thing, as if the menu didn’t state it already.
“The blood of every customer who takes too long to order.”
The woman’s mouth dropped open with an indignant noise before exiting his line and going to Pansy’s.
Ron sent Pansy a sheepish shrug when she glared at him. There was no way he was apologizing for that.
When Ron looked up at the next customer in line, he breathed a sigh of relief to see Malfoy. It was a little early for his normal time, but even his pretentious attitude was preferable to the previous customer.
“Yes, but also a medium ‘I don’t give a Crappuccino’ as well.”
Ron arched his brows at the second one. Malfoy didn’t usually buy Harry’s order. Both men always arrived at different times.
Curiosity almost had Ron questioning the out of character action, but Malfoy wasn’t exactly a pleasant person.
It wasn’t until Harry arrived, hair messier than usual, clothes a little rumpled and a distracted aura that it made sense.
“I think they are dating,” Ron whispered to Pansy, ignoring the next customer in line.
Pansy jerked, causing the order in her hand to nearly slip. “What?” She paid no mind to the exasperated man the drink belonged to. Her eyes snapped towards Harry and Malfoy.
“Their body language is no more flirtatious than before, and they certainly aren’t doing anything to suggest something has changed.”
Ron rolled his eyes at her observation. “Malfoy ordered Harry’s drink before Harry arrived.”
Pansy smirked, eyes lighting up in delight. “Interesting. The operation is progressing as planned.”
“What operation?” Ron argued, arms folding across his chest. “We don’t have anything planned.” He glanced back towards the two in question and watched the way Harry smiled at Malfoy.
“You don’t have anything—”
“Excuse me!” The next customer in line interrupted. “Can I get some service around here?”
A snort had Ron wincing as Snape walked by to restock the dessert case.
“On a good day?” Snape returned, sneer already in place. “Maybe.”
Perhaps Snape wasn’t that bad of a boss.
“I am bored enough that a customer would be appreciated,” Pansy whined, staring at the clock for the fifth time in the past ten minutes.
“Bite your tongue,” Ron warned. “I don’t feel like doing any work.”
“And how is that different from any other day of the week?” She countered pulling out nail polish from her bag.
Ron rolled his eyes, hand covering his chest in mock offense. “I will have you know that I am the hardest working person employed here.”
“It would seem that I need better employees then,” Snape informed them as he turned the corner and leaned against the wall. “If you are the epitome of a model employee, then I am in trouble.”
Pansy snorted as she held out her palm and gestured for Ron’s hand.
“Alright, but don’t do black,” Ron warned, choosing to ignore Snape’s jibe. “Last time you painted them that color, it left a stain on my nails.”
She worked in silence, only pausing to glance at the clock another three times. “It’s Friday,” Pansy mumbled as she finished the last few nails on his right hand.
Ron peered at Snape, hoping that her statement made more sense than just pointing out the obvious. When his boss shrugged, he sighed heavily. “Funnily enough, I can read a calendar.”
Pansy smacked his arm, smearing nail polish in the process. “I meant that Malfoy and Harry should be here soon. They never miss a Friday.”
“Why are you so invested in those two?” Snape asked, interest causing him to step away from the wall.
When Pansy’s cheeks pinked up slightly, Ron laughed. “She thinks they would be a cute couple. We have been debating over their chances for months.”
Snape furrowed his brows, something Ron hadn’t really ever seen him do before. “Why would you think—” He was cut off by the door opening for the first time in hours.
“Ah, speak of the devil,” Snape drawled, walking up to the register, fingers typing out their orders.
Ron scratched his head with his free hand as he exchanged a look with Pansy. They had never seen Snape take a single customer’s order before. Not even when they were swamped and could use an extra hand. Their boss was a prick like that.
Malfoy smiled, something that Ron had to do a second glance for. “The only devil here is you, Uncle Severus.”
“I wasn’t sure you’d make it in today,” Snape continued, ignoring the insult.
Harry tilted his head to the side, confusion evident in his features. “Why wouldn’t we? Today’s the big twenty.”
“Exactly,” Snape began, fingers snapping for Pansy or Ron to make the order. “Twenty years of marriage isn’t something people tend to celebrate in a coffee shop.”
“Marriage?” Ron and Pansy demanded in unison, neither noticing the milk overflowing in the cup they pulled out.
Malfoy regarded them with derision, not something unheard of. “You didn’t know we were married? We come here once a week every week and have been doing so for twenty-two years.”
When neither of them spoke up, both having a hard time grasping the knowledge, Harry pointed to a photograph on the wall. “We met here on opening day.”
Ron looked at the photo–it was something that he always ignored, since it was of two random customers during the grand opening.
Pansy let out a soft exclamation. “Look! It’s them!”
Sure enough, it was. Ron wouldn’t have noticed if she hadn’t pointed it out. Harry and Malfoy looked quite different than when they were teenagers.
“They looked cute back then,” Pansy noted, eyes narrowing in thought.
“Excuse you?” Malfoy frowned as he placed a hand on his hip. “I will have you know that I am dashing at any age.”
Harry grinned before placing a kiss to the top of Malfoy’s head. “You sure are.” He looked to the photograph before continuing his explanation.
“Draco was hired to work the counter,” Harry smiled before entwining his fingers with Malfoy. “It was a disaster and he dumped out my order on the floor when I sassed him.”
“Lovely first impression,” Ron muttered, watching the way Mal—no Draco squeezed Harry’s hand.
“He deserved it,” Draco argued, a smile quirking at the memory.
Harry laughed loudly, whole body moving into the action. “I did not. I kept coming back every Friday in spite. It was fun finding things to say to get him angry enough to ruin my order.”
Ron couldn’t help but smile at the way Draco’s eyes lit up at the obvious joy on Harry’s face. It was cute. In an old person kind of way.
“What made you guys decide to get together?” Pansy asked, still looking at the photograph.
“Uncle Sev said he would fire me if I didn’t get over my feelings for Harry by either asking him out or killing him.”
“Charming,” Ron mumbled, smirking at the glare his boss sent his way.
Pansy shook her head. “I just got to ask, why come back every Friday? It’s not like the coffee or the food is any good.”
When Snape’s glare immediately focused on her, Ron let out a snort.
Draco laid his head on Harry’s shoulder. “This is where we met, fought and fell in love. It’s just a part of us now.”
Pansy sighed a little happily before shooting Ron a smile. “We always thought you two hated each other.”
The confusion on their faces had Ron rolling his eyes. “You fight a lot.”
Snape scoffed. “You mean their incessant flirting? I had hoped as the years passed, that would stop, but they subject me to it at every opportunity.”
Ron hummed curiously as he thought it over. Sometimes it seemed like the two were flirting, but he supposed if that was the way they always did it, he wouldn’t have noticed.
“I say it’s your karma for having such a sunny disposition,” Harry grinned cheekily, ignoring the scowl on Snape’s face. The man had guts, Ron wouldn’t have dared to say that to his boss.
“Get out of here,” Snape shooed them towards the door. “Enjoy your anniversary.”
“We will,” Draco promised before drawing Harry into a rather passionate kiss.
Ron would have unabashedly stared at the good-looking couple, but movement had him peering at Snape curiously. His boss had retrieved a camera from his office and took a photo of the pair. It was interesting to think that Severus Snape of all people was a romantic at heart.
When he looked back towards Harry and Draco, he smiled at the sight of the couple still holding onto each other.
It was cute. In an old person kind of way.
“Do you think when we get that old, we’ll be as sappy?” Pansy wondered leaning against Ron’s side.
“Why Parkinson, are you flirting with me?” Ron countered smiling at the way she sighed heavily.
“Not anymore, I’ve decided to run away with Snape.”
Ron laughed loudly before bumping her in the side with his hip, a smile formed when Snape began grumbling about ‘another couple of idiots that flirt nonstop’. He could get used to this. Friday’s might even be his favorite day of the week.
Java Prince may not have good coffee, food or customer service, but it was filled with a lot of love, and that was a pretty close second.
This was my odd version of a coffee shop au. I know a few people asked for this, I can’t find the original prompt anywhere, and I am so sorry for whoever sent me the first prompt.
This was not the ficlet that won the poll, but I couldn’t provide you all with the one that won just yet. It’s still being worked on. So hopefully you enjoyed this instead.
I would like to thank @rmh8402 @rieraclaelin @staganddragon for helping me with titles and just listening to me talk about this haha. It was an experience for sure. Oh! and @llap115 too!
