I wanted to share a bit about what’s been happening over the last few months (year?).
Since the top x bottom discussion started and that hater appeared, fandom and reading/writing/drawing for me became hell. This person absolutely ruined my experience with fandom, and how I view it and interact with it. I took some time off trying to distance myself from everything. Though I still love it, I can’t draw/read/write anything anymore without feeling there’s something wrong, or I’m doing something bad, or that it shouldn’t be like this or that and I attribute that to being a target of that hate (for whatever reason) until this day.
I pushed away from friends I’d made and people I really liked inside the fandom, I stopped drawing what I loved because I couldn’t stare at it anymore and I stopped reading fanfics because I couldn’t shake the feeling I was doing something wrong. I still can’t, most of the time.
The worst thing is, I’m still being targeted. Idk, more than a year later and they won’t leave me alone. Less than a week ago, I got 99 DMs about how my art is terrible, how I should k*ll myself etc from that same troll, and I’ve been getting those constantly over the last few months.
No, I don’t take them seriously and no, I don’t believe a word they say, but I can’t shake the terrible feeling that comes with knowing there’s someone who goes to these lengths only to make me feel bad (I don’t know how many people are still being targeted by this and I’m sorry if you are). Also, I’m going to the police once New Year’s is over. I was going to keep quiet about it, but my mother convinced me otherwise. I don’t think it’ll do me any good, but maybe it can add to the numbers and help someone in the future.
And I don’t know if this post will make any difference, but if you’re reading this, please, PLEASE, treat people nicely. You don’t know what they’ve been going through, how their life is and how your words may affect them. Even if you’re hiding under anonymity on the internet, it doesn’t mean you don’t have to take responsibility for your actions and words. Why spread more hate and rage?
I’m so, so incredibly thankful for the fandom and everything it’s done to me. It probably saved me from myself in more ways than I can count and I wish I could still feel the same way I did in the beginning, or at least shake that uneasiness that comes with it nowadays.
Anyway, I know no one asked and probably no one wondered, but here’s why I kind of vanished and why there hasn’t been as much drarry content as in the beginning. I miss you all I used to talk to (and those I never spoke to, as well), I miss getting to know people, participating, and being a part of something. I miss it all and wish I’ll get it back someday.
Thank you for reading, if you’ve made it this far, I appreciate and miss you, and I hope you have a wonderful 2023.
it’s fucking obscene that @fantalfart has had to endure this. it’s fucking 2023 for chrissake, people. check your bullshit and LIGHTEN UP, FRANCIS, IT’S FICTION.
I'm with Peach on this one...