🌈Ranibow Sprimkle🌈

this picture makes me very happy

If there's one thing I will never understand it's Lord of the Rings fans wanting to be an elf in Middle Earth. I mean, sure they're graceful and pretty but they live too damn long and having to witness an eternity of stupidity from the species around them. Like, imagine being Elrond and basically witnessing a cringe compilation of the human race. Nope. No thanks.

I've been witnessing a cringe compilation of the human race my whole life. Elrond is not special.

Theoden and Grima

“Late is the hour in which this conjurer chooses to appear. Lathspell I name him. Ill news is an ill guest.”

Do you ever lie awake wondering how the heck Gimli knows what a nervous system is

Clearly dwarves have medical knowledge far more advanced than that of the other races.

His Majesty Dr. Gimli, son of Gloin, Neurosurgeon, M.D.

gimli trying to explain his studies to legolas, a flat-earther

#*scroll down* #*remember that middle earth is canonically flat for elves and round for everyone else* #*scroll back up & smash that reblog button"

tired: legolas took gimli to valinor with him because they were bffs/in love/etc. 

wired: legolas took gimli to valinor to prove the world was flat after arguing with him about it for decades

Sorry it’s what to elves

So, in Tolkein lore, the world was originally flat, with most of the land in the middle (hence Middle Earth).  But the Numenorians (men who were rewarded with their own Atlantis-equivalent island for service in the first big war against Melkor, but eventually Power Corrupts etc) tried to invade the uttermost west which was basically Elf Heaven.  To put an end to that sort of thing, the creator of the world Bent The World and made it a sphere…but left elves able to treat it like a flat disk.  So elves can sail west and reach Elf Heaven, but a man or dwarf or hobbit who sails west will eventually wrap around to the east coast of Middle Earth.

This is why Legolas can see for such great, almost impossible distances. The Earth does not curve for him.

The hobbits invent a fun game called ‘how close can we get to our friends before they notice us’

easy mode: Gimli (makes a lot of noise himself, very easy to sneak up on)

medium mode: Boromir (challenging enough to be great fun)

hard more: Aragorn (VERY attentive to his surroundings)

expert mode: Legolas

it takes them a LONG time to get Legolas but Frodo eventually manages it and it’s magnificent

Legolas: *sitting around minding his own business*

Frodo: *two inches from his ear* hi Legolas what’s up

Legolas: ANDAGNDOAHGDLKHNKDLFHLKFDANGLKFDAGN????? *backflips to his feet in confusion*

*cue the rest of the fellowship losing their fucking minds*

after that he’s onto them and they never manage it again

from all i can gather this is entirely cannon except the fellowship hobbits didnt invent it, its been a traditional hobbit game on par with humans and ‘tag’ for about 500 plus years to the point the average human will routinely fail to notice an entire picnic of hobbits at ten feet, blanket and potato salad included like hobbits dont realize they legit have a supernatural ability to not be noticed on par with elves physics bending sniper scope vision

okay but is “picnic” the collective noun for hobbits because that’s brilliant

a picnic of hobbits

perfection

So yeah, it’s canon that hobbits are the stealthiest of the races of Middle-Earth, even more so than elves. Which is an amusing trivia fact, until you start realizing how much of the plot of both The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings is based on this.

Why did Gandalf randomly decide that a plump gentle-hobbit was the right person to be a burglar for an adventuring party? It seems like wizardly eccentricity, until you realize Bilbo’s got a racial bonus to Stealth of like +20. Why does he get the Ring? In text, it’s partly coincidence, but also - which party member do you give your Ring of Invisibility to? The Rogue with a crazy Stealth bonus, of course. Bilbo uses his Stealth, boosted by the Ring, constantly, and the dwarves would have been dead a dozen times over without it. He’s able to get the Ring in the first place because he stealthed out of the middle of a horde of goblins. Then he’s sneaking up inches from trolls, secretly living inside the elves’ freakin palace (with Legolas) for months, rescuing a whole pack of dwarves from under the elves’ noses, regularly pick-pocketing people including elves, sneaking past a dragon, sneaking to deliver the Arkenstone.

Then we follow up into Lord of the Rings. Gandalf’s now bred up a second-generation Rogue. Frodo, Sam, Pippin, and Merry have that same massive racial Stealth bonus, and Frodo also has been raised by an adventurer. He speaks Elvish fluently, he’s friends with dwarves, he studies maps obsessively. Then he inherits Bilbo’s Stealth-boosting magic item - now upgraded to cursed McGuffin. When Gandalf decides it’s time, he collects Frodo and assembles a party. Their goal isn’t to march into Mordor, or to battle the Boss: it’s to sneak through enemy lines, past an entire army (or two).

The humans, elf, dwarf, and wizard angel keep drawing too much attention and getting them attacked (plus admittedly Pippin, the low-WIS darling), so eventually Frodo and Sam ditch them and head off on a pure stealth run. They can’t use the Ring of Invisibility anymore, but fortunately Galadriel gave them another Stealth-boosting magic item, the cloaks. They sneak halfway across Middle-Earth, past armies, through miles and miles of enemy territory, while being hunted by every evil being on the planet, particularly a literal giant All-Seeing Eye. Not to mention the Palantiri, extremely powerful divination items which are being actively used by three different groups of enemies/competitors.

The other main canonical Hobbit power is that they’re “very hardy folk”, meaning they have incredibly high resistance to various things from poison to mental influence. So they can survive the literally poisonous air and water of Mordor, which was designed to kill every species but orcs. And they can survive close contact with the Ring for decades or centuries, not only physically but also maintaining some degree of mental independence, when any other race would succumb in minutes to hours. (Note the most “powerful” characters - Elrond, Galadriel, the literal angel Gandalf - refuse to even touch the Ring, as do the most morally sound, Aragorn and Faramir.)

Why did Gandalf choose a minor member of the country gentry, the size of a toddler, with no combat training, to save Middle-Earth? Because absolutely no other creature on the planet could have done the task. Frodo was all but created as a weapon against Sauron. He, and he alone (with Sam), was capable of saving Middle-Earth.

TL;DR: Legolas would get jump-scared by Frodo every single time, because Frodo is the greatest Rogue in Middle-Earth, and the plot of the entire series depends on that fact.

There’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it’s worth fighting for.

The board is set, the pieces are moving.

We come to it at last…

She’s no man D:

#i’m not crying, you’re crying

“Nay, time does not tarry ever, but change and growth is not in all things and places alike. For the Elves the world moves, and it moves both very swift and very slow.”

hot take: Pippin is the only one of the hobbits who is ‘team Arwen’ in the ‘who is the most beautiful woman in the world’ argument

Pippin, after being formally introduced to Arwen for the first time: hey Merry. do you think if I asked nicely enough she’d marry me instead?

Merry: Pippin. *lays a comforting hand on his shoulder*

Merry: I think it is worth a shot.

Pippin: got it *wanders away*

Frodo: why would you do that

Merry: I want to see if he’ll really try it

#PIPPIN: IF I BEAT STRIDER IN ROCK PAPER SCISSORS CAN I MARRY YOU INSTEAD? #ARWEN: UHHHHHHH #PIPPIN: GREAT! BRB

Aragorn accepts the challenge knowing full well that, as he can literally read minds, it is impossible to beat him at rock paper scissors.

Aren’t you forgetting the minor detail that Pippin would likely never think of which one he will throw?

consider: Aragorn accepts the challenge assuming he’ll win easily. Pippin wins immediately.

Arwen: well, now I must marry him. we ageed.

Pippin: :D

Aragorn: Arwen please

Arwen: I love my tiny fiance

I love it

Elrond: I don’t like it either but you agreed that if he beat you in fair combat then he could marry Arwen

Elrond: so now my daughter must marry this hobbit

Arwen: I’m comfortable with that

Aragorn: please this isn’t funny

Arwen: you should have thought of that before you accepted the challenge, I’m engaged to Pippin now.

Pippin: listen I know this isn’t actually going to end with me marrying you but this is still the best day of my life so far

Also consider Pippin giving Aragorn the Shovel Talk. He’s fully accepted that he’s not going to marry Arwen, but he’s also like

Pippin: I accept she can take care of herself, but she shouldn’t have to!! I also accept she has two brothers, but they’re also YOUR brothers, so they shouldn’t have to pick sides. So, BE GOOD TO HER, OR ELSE!!

Aragorn:  Or else what? Not that I’m not going to be good to her, I just want to know the Or Else

Pippin: That’s for me to know and you to NEVER find out!

Aragorn: Gandalf, I am kind of scared of the Hobbit?

Gandalf: Well, he’s a Took, they’re all like that. Just do what he says, you’ll be fine.

Lord of the Rings - The Fellowship of the Ring | Legolas Greenleaf

Faramir and Eowyn, two damaged souls that found each other ♥ they are too cute for words (or at least tolkien is much better at words than i will ever be)

“And so they stood on the walls of the City of Gondor, and a great wind rose and blew, and their hair, raven and golden, streamed out mingling in the air.”