In your view, what does Dumbledore do with his time at Hogwarts when Tom Riddle isn't being annoying? Does he have as much to do as the teachers, or does he hang out, do research, and wait for the Ministry to do something stupid? (I know he has other things on his plate, I'm just thinking about his headmaster's duties here.)

Dumbledore has delegated pretty much every single fucking part of a Headmaster’s job. That isn’t me claiming things or headcanoning; that is actual-canon.

Who writes and sends out *all* of the student letters each year? Minerva.

Who goes to visit the Muggle-born kids to explain all of this magic and Hogwarts stuff to confused kids and baffled parents? Not Dumbledore; he couldn’t even be arsed to do so for Harry. He only did that when he was most likely ordered to do so by the Headmaster in 1926 Hogwarts, as Dumbledore at the time was just a “mere” teacher. (Never once does he say he CHOSE to go visit the Muggle-born kid in the orphanage. Also, shredded purple velvet in 1926. What the actual fuck, Dumbles. Where was that outfit in the stupid/racist FB movies, anyway?)

Who counsels the kids? Not Dumbles. You can’t even go SEE the Headmaster unless the Headmaster gives you the password first. The Headmaster is completely inaccessible to the entire student body unless he needs to see use you for something. Dumbles is supposed to arrange for the other teachers to perform pastoral care and then *make certain it’s actually done* but I think we can rest assured that he doesn’t do jack shit in this regard.

Does Dumbles teach any classes, as a Head Teacher is *supposed to do?* Nope. He subs like two classes in the entire series (or is it just the 1?) and otherwise does not teach at all. This alone should have seen him sacked in his first year as Headmaster.

But you don’t just have to take my word for these things. In fact, here’s a list of a Head Teacher’s expected duties straight from the UK. Aside from the buzzwords, the actual tasks haven’t really changed in years:

Dumbledore doesn’t talk to anyone, or consult with anyone, unless he’s been given no choice. People whom he is supposed to be subordinate to have to go to him, whereupon he usually waves them off and sends them politely packing. He sure as fuck doesn’t communicate with anyone’s parents unless he has zero choice. (You think Hermione’s parents were told about their daughter being petrified? Pffft.)

This was done for Dumbles at least a century ago (probably longer) and he’s never bothered to change anything.

He does this. He does this so badly that it should also see him sacked. Gilderoy fucking Lockhart is a prime example. So is Horace Slughorn.

(I call bullshit on him not being able to find anyone for Harry’s 5th year DADA class. He just wanted the Ministry to reveal their corruption, and Dumbles had no qualms about sacrificing his students to do it. Sacked again.)

Nnnnno, they seem to be responsible for handling all of this shit on their own. Example: Filch is staff, and he sure as fuck doesn’t seem to get the help he needs.

*Snort* BWAAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAAAAA no.

What advanced skills teachers? Sack this fuck already.

Unless it benefits Dumbles, I highly doubt the Governors receive anything aside from a polite letter telling them everything is fine, we’re all fine here, thank you.

What staff unions. What associations. These poor teachers are on their own.

Pfft. Nope. The staff is still fucked.

Not in the entire fucking time Dumbles is in charge. In fact, we know that canonically, he has TAKEN AWAY large parts of the available curriculum. When Dumbles was a teacher, there was a *canonical* Transfiguration Department, which implies that all of the seven major subjects had a department, likely staffed by 2-3 teachers each. These students are just as fucked as the teachers.

Hahahahahahhahahaaa no.

An absolutely positive flat-out Nope. Dumbles would have to plot in different ways and actually ensure that teachers are behaving in professional ways with the students for him to achieve this.

*laughing derisively*

*more derisive laughter*

Sorry, ran out of oxygen. It’s kind of obvious that Dumbles wasn’t doing any of this.

Again: what advanced skills teachers and standards? These kids are fucked.

*SNERK* sorry we’re back to the derisive laughter again. We don’t even need anything more than Harry’s limited narrator POV to know this wasn’t happening. Dumbledore was a big canonical fan of letting people hoist themselves by their own petard...which is the exact OPPOSITE of what a Head Teacher is supposed to do in order to support both staff and students.

We already know this was delegated to Minerva McGonagall. She had to write, sign, and send all the school communication; she taught full time in a schedule that would’ve been exhausting at any age which does NOT include time for grading; she was Head of House and all of the pastoral duties meant to be included, etc. etc. etc. I don’t think that poor woman was ever allowed to sleep.

If anyone says Dumbles was totally doing this, I’m going to have to get out a dolly and ask where the bad person touched you. Dumbles is on canonical record in book 5 as flat-out admitting he didn’t fucking do this.

The Marauders. (I don’t care if you hate Snape. What they do to him in the “Snape’s Worst Memory” incident is sexual assault.) Werewolf incident. The whole of Book 1. All of the fights in the halls between students that the staff had to deal with without any fucking help from Dumbles. What discipline? Not only was it not really a thing, Dumbles was not participating in ensuring these kids behaved themselves.

Yeah, let me go back to that bit about Hermione’s parents and the Petrification incident. Also: what regular info? If anyone was sending regular information and scholastic updates to parents, if was the rest of the staff...which was not their job. Their job was the hand off that information to the Headmaster so the Headmaster could do the political/social work of keeping the parents informed. Dumbles is a master of ridding himself of any job that won’t actively advance his political standing in the wizarding world.

He talks to Olympe and Karkaroff for like what, one book? Beauxbatons and Durmstrang are wisely trying to keep away from this scheming mofo.

All Dumbles did was try to keep the governing board out of Hogwarts completely, and it wasn’t just because of Lucius Malfoy. We know from book 2 that Lucius was NOT the only member of the board, and was probably in the minority for being Death-Eater-inclined. He was certainly in the minority for being anti-Dumbles, though. More fool them; Lucius Malfoy was right (UGH) that Albus Dumbledore is a fucking terrible Headmaster who needs to be replaced, it just shouldn’t be fucking Lucius Malfoy in charge of replacing him.

Cornelius Fudge has to grovel at Dumbledore to get any information out of him. It’s a shame that when Fudge finally sprouts a backbone, he aims it in the wrong fucking direction. Otherwise, Dumbledore acts as if he is the Ultimate Authority, and that should have rang everyone’s alarm bells before book 1 even ended. (Deliberate student endangerment! DELIBERATE. STUDENT. ENDANGERMENT. AT THE OPENING. OF. THE. SCHOOL. TERM!)

Talking with other schools to put on a big Tournament that does fuck-all for increasing inter-school relations? Check. Putting on a big Tournament in which no Hogwarts student gets to participate in the classes that on-site Durmstrang and Beauxbatons has to offer? Big Fucking Check.

Given how Dumbles handles the rest of the school, I imagine that Hogwarts teachers were just as underpaid and lacking in resources as their contemporary teachers at the time. Possibly for them it was even *worse.* These teachers are canonically overworked and spend most of their time in foul moods, bad tempers, and frantic rushing about in an attempt to accomplish all of their fucking jobs.

Book 1. Philosopher’s Stone. Sack this Fuck. (That’s not even getting into the rest of all the many ways Dumbles failed at this part of his job.)

He doesn’t need to; he’s already delegated all of his fucking jobs and/or ignored them completely.

He. Doesn’t. Teach. Classes. The primary way a Head Teacher is meant to immerse themselves into student life so that they are aware of their students, know their students, and are aware of any potential difficulties regarding staff or materials, and Dumbles doesn’t do it.

Sack this lazy spangled fucker.