Guys!
Me and @jhaernyl stumbled on an interesting idea.
What if the stormtrooper armour was designed to be tactically uncomfortable so the troopers would constantly be itchy or dealing with a seam pinching or a million other things so they’re concentration isn’t 100% on the job.
And the helmets look cool/scary, but the visibility is probably pretty shitty.
What if someone on the inside of the empire, designed the stormtrooper armour to be terrible on purpose?
I mean, I know that when the Nazi party had their uniforms designed, they were an impractical mess. Like, no one could run because things were attached by hooks that would just fly off. The suspenders were on the inside of the shirt so you couldn’t just take your pants off if you had to answer nature’s call.
Like, a good terrifying uniform and a fully *functional* terrifying uniform are two very different things.
And I really really want there to be a bunch of space blacksmith who’re being held under the emperors thumb and fucking the empire over, one badly made stormtrooper uniform at a time.
Haha, they are pretty impractical aren’t they? Especially since the filters apparently don’t work for toxins? Like who made that decision? If they filter smoke they should filter poisons. Is chemical warfare not a thing in space? That’s probably the fastest way to crippled a whole ship. (Shit, now I’ve got ideas re: something gets introduced into the air systems on a ship (maybe Obi-Wan’s?) and only those clones who were wearing their helmets didn’t get effected. Could be angsty (poison? Disease?) or funny (sex-change powder? Truth serum?) or smutty (sex-pollen?). Hmmm add to the list.)
And! The Nazi uniforms were also designed by Hugo Boss! Way more focus on appearance than practicality. (Especially for invading Russia in the winter…)
Truth serum and sex pollen.
*SLAMS HANDS ON COUNTER*
TRUTH SERUM AND SEX POLLEN!
Oh god. Truth serum and sex pollen at the Same. Time. That. That could be glorious.
Obi-Wan very very carefully saying things that are true but still managing to talk around truths he doesn’t want to reveal: at least for a little while, but he’s sweating, practically radiating heat and desire and holding onto self control by only the thinnest margin and the knowledge that no one is fully in control right now, but he is the most dangerous if he loses it. And so he’s desperately using the force to filter out what’s happening but it’s not working very well and additionally until they put a stop to the source he’s just gonna keep breathing it and being affected. (Maybe it’s something that a rogue separatist managed to plant, and it’s a deadly poison to their species but it has this effect on the clones/many other species.
And Cody totally had his helmet on, so he’s not effected (though a tiny bit of Obi-Wan wishes he was, so he could have the excuse, no matter how tentative, to touch his commander) and quickly manages to contain those exposed, but the medics just say that they all need to work it out of their systems. So they pretty much just tell everyone to go work it out of their systems, or go to medical to get knocked out for the duration if they aren’t comfortable with that.
Obi-Wan’s not real comfortable with either of those options, so he tries to meditate it away, and it’s not working, especially when Cody knocks on the door to his quarters, because he’s not oblivious, he saw the looks that Obi-Wan was giving him, the way he leaned into his presence and breathed deep. And if his General would like company/help with the side effects of this attack… Well. Cody would be *more* than pleased to offer his assistance tonight. (Forever) (And if they 501st happened to be visiting… Well. All sorts of possibilities open up then…)
*SHREIKS!!!!!* NO NO! KEEP GOING! TELL. ME. MORE!
Weellllll, I imagine it would start with Anakin blurting something about really wishing Padme was here, because some thoughts he should only be having around his wife. And just…money changing hands *everywhere* before people realizing Obi-Wan heard that, and like, the whole room goes silent because shit, JEDI AREN’T SUPPOSED TO DO THAT ARE THEY?
And Anakin’s like, mad-terrified-horny and it’s a super weird feeling especially because he can tell the arousal is artificial because he had only felt that way towards Padme (Demi-Anakin anyone?). And Obi-Wan just sighs and say something like “thank you for ruining my plausible deniability, Padawan. We’ll talk about how to tell the council *after* this crisis is done”
(But collecting the winnings he’d put down on “that bet you are all totally not placing on my Padawan’s non-existent relationship status”)
And Rex was totally exposed because he was off duty when it hit (trying to coax Cody off duty to come hang out with him ? (by hang out I mean cuddles and sex, FYI)) but he managed to get through helping figure out the crisis with minimum embarrassment, mostly of the ‘wearing soft ship-board clothes is not good for concealing erections type, especially when running around with your lover you haven’t seen in weeks and the man you’re both attracted to, even when he asks unfortunate questions’ kind. And Rex goes with Cody to offer their help to Obi-Wan, and he was infected with the truth serum stuff so it’s easier for Obi-Wan to convince himself to give in when Rex says “we both want you. Like you lots and lots. We’ve gotten each other off talking about what we would like to do with you, have you do to us. We’d like whatever you are willing to give us.” Annnnnnnd, smexy-times!
I was expecting this to lead to something about how one of the clones was assigned to design armor for the stormtroopers for reasons I can’t quite pin down right now
A clone who’s chip had degraded or something but didn’t know what else to do with whole “oh fuck my brothers and I did a terrible terrible thing bc fucking 66″ and decided to just do whatever he could to sabotage the Empire’s army. Thus: shitty, distracting armor
this is good too tho
Excellent addition!
For the sex pollen and truth serum, mace windu calls them and finds that they are truth serumed. So what does he do but interrogate obi wan about what he and qui gon did to him. Like pathetic lifeforms they brought back to all their adventures that aggravated him.
Look obi wan and qui gon did shit to mace including paperwork and headaches. He is going to get the truth even if it is late. Even in front of his own troops along with the 501st 212th and Anakin Skywalker.