Oh what this?? Another dp x dc idea?? U bet!!!!
So anyway, Danny gets forced to go to a gala with Vlad and is not happy about it. The whole night he is just dragged around by Vlad talking to person after person and he’s sick of it.
It isn’t until late in the night when the gala is almost over that he sees an opportunity to slip away and takes it. He doesn’t get very far out the door however when a hand lands on his shoulder and turns him towards a group of people in front of a car. At first he freaks until he sees who’s guiding him to the others. BRUCE WAYNE!! GOTHAMS FAVOURITE HIMBO WITH TO MANY CHILDREN TO KEEP TRACK!!!
Seeing this as the opportunity that this was he shut his mouth and let Bruce herd him into his gaggle of orphans, who took one look at him and went- let’s see how long it takes Bruce to notice.
A long time it seems. It’s now the next day and Bruce still hasn’t noticed the extra person at the dinner table. 
Vlad doesn't think anything of it when he can't find Danny at the end of the night; it's not out of character for him to take off and leave Vlad at the gala and he's plenty capable of taking care of himself. But then Danny shows up in paparazzi pictures of the Waynes and everyone is speculating on the newest adoption and Vlad goes oh shit and begins attempting damage control.
Meanwhile it's day five and the Wayne family is split.
Bruce, of course, still hasn't realized there's an extra black haired, blue eyed teenager in the house. Dick assumed Danny just got picked up while he's been in Bludhaven, Jason is distracted by Red Hood business and doesn't go to galas anymore so he hasn't met Danny, neither has Tim who has been out of town with the Teen Titans. Damian would declare war except Cassandra won't let him because she noticed Danny didn't belong before they made it home from the gala and recognized that Danny's only goal was mischief. Alfred prepared a room for Danny because he's pretty sure that Danny will end up adopted if Bruce notices before Danny's parents take him back. Stephanie thinks it's hilarious because this is pretty much the same way she joined the family.
Week two. Jason has noticed and stopped by the manor for the specific purpose of meeting Danny and that alone has Alfred ready to keep him. Danny has just moved into some random rich guy's home and is eating his food, which Jason respects as a former street kid from Crime Alley.
Dick still hasn't realized Bruce doesn't know about Danny. Through a comedy of errors any time it seems like Bruce might catch on he mistakes Danny for Tim. Dick doesn't know that they are talking about different people.
Damian is keeping his distance because he sees Danny as an interloper and a threat to the family secret, but the others have been too welcoming for him to act without evidence. The only reason he tolerates this state of affairs is because Cassandra spends so much time around Danny.
Vlad can't even get close to the manor. Over the years Bruce has gotten the various magicians of his acquaintance to add magical protections to the house and now spirits that aren't invited in (as Danny sort of was since the family brought him) can't gain access. He's starting to think the Waynes might be a crime family, he suspects Bruce might be Penguin.
This is unknowably hilarious, a cryptid of comedy.
I’m! fucking! losing! it!
Very sitcom of Bruce, the only thing that would add more chaos is if the Justice League get in on it.
Jon starts just showing up just for dinner at first, then sneaking around at any time of night, then in random and increasingly unlikely spaces, IN FRONT OF Bruce.
In the kitchen at 3am, eating his food.
He hides behind a door Bruce closes, and B just assumes it’s one of his menagerie of orphans trying to get the drop on him, because he’s reading a case file and he hasn’t slept in the last 84 hours.
Bruce has noticed that they’re up to something but their secret mayhem seems innocuous and he’s learned that it’s best to let sleeping dogs lie.
A cold chill runs up his spine when he recalls how it feels to be assaulted by glitter in the Batmobile’s vents, but the shiver he gets is remembering the talking down everyone got from Alfred for crossing the line.
He still finds bits of glitter in his hair after a long night. He swears its force is so strong that it’s the one constant through all Batman timelines in the multiverse.
On one memorable occasion, Jon walks directly up onto the ceiling as Bruce enters the library. Dick’s finally in on the bit and it takes all of his Robin training not to peal out laughing.
The closest Jon ever got to getting busted was when he was in one of the coat closets and Bruce put his coat away, possibly without detection, but definitely without comment.
Billy Batson stays a week at one point. And try as he might to get away without anyone hiding money and food in his belongings, he finds a magically (possibly an exaggeration, but with the serious skill involved in fitting it in there at all, much less without his notice, it’s difficult to tell) folded care package that included enough food, water, and toiletries for a week, also a sewing kit and waterproofing kit for his backpack that he refused replacement for. He knows only Alfred could’ve done it because those rich bitches can’t fold things worth shit and there’s the curious lack of tracking devices in it as well.
Conner Kent even makes a few guest appearances at half a handful of dinners and game nights.
Bruce has almost decided he’s had enough when he catches a couple League members peeking in the windows out of the corner.
When it comes to an absolute head, Bruce is about to have an honest to god intervention with his merry band of gremlins;
it’s bizarre, asinine chance that ends the fun.
Danny was exhausted. He’d just souped box ghost after having to loop around all of Gotham at least 3 times chasing Johnny around to catch him.
And oh, I don’t know. Kicking Skulkers ass a total of not 1, not 2, not 3, but 7 times in the last 48 hours, none of which he’d caught a wink of sleep in.
He’d known his rogues would get bored at some point but he’d honestly thought Vlad would be the one to ruin the game. He’s lost track of how long it’s been. He think he’s been unofficially adopted. By this weird, probably crime family.
He wasn’t quite sure Bruce hadn’t noticed and kept playing along, there’s no way even with this big house that he’s gone undetected for this long. It’s been maybe…2 months? Yeah, that’s sounds about right. He’s too tired to do any more math than that anyway.
He really hopes Batman hasn’t taken notice of his debut in the Gotham nightlife.
Who is he kidding, of course he has. He’s Batman!
He decides not to think about that and just phases invisibly into bed, the mattress giving an emphatic thump as he drops his transformation midair and is asleep before he even gets under the blankets, shoes and jeans and all.
Batman has been working on a big drug smuggling bust and been busy with Harley all week. He’s moved beyond exhaustion into a new plane of existence. He’s forgotten what not having to muscle your eyelids open at all times, feels like.
And there’s the troubling new meta that just pops in and out, out of nowhere. He knew there was a new player, most likely neutral, as they had only been spotted blurily, flying from a distance.
B has a hunch that they’re one and the same. The property damage had been minimal, but the power to go incorporeal seemingly at will is very…troubling.
But Batman is done for the night and Bruce is trudging up to bed. He hears some of his kids snickering in their rooms and doesn’t possess the energy to be a responsible caretaker and tell them it’s 4:00am and time to sleep.
Plus, they’d never let go of the hypocrisy.
No more thoughts he tells himself, no more thoughts until coffee tomorrow, he can dream can’t he?
He’s opening his door before he’s registered getting there. Bruce thinks (drats more thoughts?) that he’s quite possibly hit a new record of sleeplessness, or that he could ever hope to beat Tim. Damn he worries about that kid. But can’t think about that now.
Doesn’t bother to turn on the lights.
And doesn’t quite flop, Alfred’s taught him better than that, but sits heavily at the foot of the bed.
Two things happen.
There’s a loud yelp. And Bruce is across the room, batarang in hand because apparently he’s still halfway in his suit, sans cowl. phenomenal. ideal really.
Two green lights flash above the mattress. His vision hasn’t quite adjusted. And it takes a second for his adrenaline sleep addled brain to come up with…eyes. Lazarus green eyes. Ice water fills his chest. Not great.
A confused garbled, “Jason?”, is out of his mouth before he registered the thought.
Danny’s high squeak of “Batman???,” comes shortly after. He blinks out of visibility for just a second, nerves, and yep. He’s definitely screwed. Why did he ever believe that anything could go right? Danny should’ve known his Fenton luck would come into play soon.
The question finally filters through after what seems like a frozen eternity, “um No,” comes out much shakier than he would’ve preferred at the same time two voice exclaim, “wait what?!”
Now that Danny’s been awake for more than 30 seconds, he realizes that, although he’s in deep shadow, Batman is bare faced, just dead guy perks.
Thanks ghost vision for the pleasure of viewing my death: the sequel in 4D.
No way Batman is going to let him live if he’s comfy enough to let his hair down.
Noise
Lights glinting off metal
Commotion
Pandemonium
No one quite knows how to describe what happens next, and despite that everyone has their own batencdotes- baanecdotes- bantnodtoces- batfam campfire stories of this night.
Stephanie swears up and down that someone *cough cough Dick* brought a super soaker. But Barbara knows the truth, the whole truth. Did anyone really believe they were safe from the future groupchat shenanigans with mask cams in this family?
She’ll let them know one day. But just for fun, she already has enough blackmail for 3 lifetimes. Even on Damian.
The lights have long been turned on.
They’re all staring at each other, in various states of street and sleepwear, pointing like the Spider-Man meme.
This is my first time writing anything for fandom. Actually it’s probably the most significant amount of writing I’ve ever posted to the internet. If criticism, will cry.
Not proofread, couldn’t be bothered to reread it (wouldn’t have posted because I’d’ve been too busy with the anxiety monster consuming me like a snake, already up to my knees).
I’ve been but a simple lurker for years now. Might do a part 2 if anyone is interested or if it catches my fancy.
But for now, I have to do homework…that I’ve procrastinated…all semester. Because I’m an adult and I make fantastic decisions thank you very much.