For @jedijune, Teaching

DON’T CALL ME KID

Do you ever get emotional over the fact that the Jedi are the only people we see in the whole of Star Wars to give a singular damn about the Clones? 

Like seriously, in all of TCW, can you think of one person that isn’t a Jedi who ever outright says that the Clones are people/are more than soldiers, or who improves their situation in any way, or who stands up for them in any capacity? 

We don’t see Bail do it. We don’t see Padmé do it. We don’t see the Neutral Systems do it. We certainly don’t see anyone in the Separatist Camp do it - not Mina Bonteri, not Lux, no one. 

That is not to say Bail or Padmé would have been unsympathetic to the situation of the Clones, but it remains that the Jedi are still the only ones we see trying to protect the Clones, either on the battlefield or on Kamino, the Jedi are the only ones we see making a point of reminding their men of how unique and important they each are, and the Jedi are the only ones who can honestly call them friends. 

They are, to quote Fives, the Clones’ best friends, but they are also their only ones.

Especially if ahsoka was in contact with bail and the rebellion and they apparently still did nothing

No offence to the rebellion but the fact you find out at any time about the clones and then do nothing proves no one besides jedi cared about them

Troopers jumping on droids!

And of course, my personal favorite….

COMMANDER CODY IS FLAWLESS IN EVERY WAY.

What I really want to know is–did they learn this from the Jedi? or did the Jedi learn it from them? or did they evolve in parallel with each other? BECAUSE ABSOLUTELY THIS IS WHAT THEIR RIDICULOUS JEDI DO:

Your insightful observation prompted me to take another look and I found several more instances to bolster the theory that this is indeed an overlapping trait shared between the two groups! Jedi and clones, clones and Jedi, both seem to greatly enjoy jumping on droids, much like a mighty housecat stalking and pouncing upon its rightful prey.

Based on my initial findings, this behavior seems to be even more widespread than one might think.

It crosses multiple generations!

It even survived the activation of the clone chips and the destruction of the Jedi Order itself to pass into the generation beyond!

But when did this quirk of nature first evolve? 

What could be the origin of such a playfully deadly maneuver? 

How could it be so widespread across so many Jedi and clones of differing ages and experiences?

Who could have…

…

…who?

…

Who???

…

…

…

Oh.

Yeah, that tracks.

Ah, right, this why I never, ever, ever, ever engage with Star Wars content on Youtube. Dude wrote an actual fanfiction and tried to pass it off as an an argument. 

A clone made documentary about why Jedi are like cats with video proof (always awake and knocking shit over at 3am, sleep in piles, do long blinks and turn their backs to people they trust, will happily sit in the same room without acknowledging you and consider it quality time, little chaos monsters, can eat a whole bantha, love bread) and a Jedi just quietly responds with their own documentary about how that also describes clones To A T, and the galaxy just imploded with the footage of clones and Jedi in sleep piles and being assholes to each other and it’s great it’s honestly great.

‘Jedi, much like cats, have a parental instinct for raising children, but then when the time comes for them to go their separate ways, they do so with a fake stoic grace that is all 100% bullshit because they can’t keep out they children’s lives for more than ten seconds without wondering if they’re okay these dumbass little hypocritical-‘

*an entire photoset of clones in sleep piles in various places on ships and campaigns*

There may or may not be vids of Anakin and Obi-Wan suddenly pushing each other off things of a rather concerning height and whoever is the pushee walks away with all the grace and dignity and poise of “that clearly was the plan all along”

Also, consider: videos of masters grooming their dumbass babies. This can mean anyone from their padawans to their favorite clones. Lots of videos of Anakin whining while Obi-Wan tries to brush his messy curls. Lots of Ahsoka pulling away while Anakin is cleaning mud off her lekku (again).

The standoff between clones and Jedi finally comes to a point when people start recording Jedi and clones grooming each other and sleeping in piles together and shoving people off high objects and being all cuddly and cute.

Anakin totally gets the last laugh at Obi-Wan, however, because Yoda totally fixates on him at the oddest intervals. The military gets used to briefings occuring with Master Yoda curled up on his great-grand padawan’s shoulder, slowly, soothingly, running his his talon’s through the human’s hair.

Also, I feel like Caleb would be SO DISTRESSED over Mace being bald. But Stance is there, so they just curl up together and all is well.

Yoda: ATTACHMENTS I DO NOT HAVE

Obi-Wan: Grandmaster you don’t like me anymore?? 😿

Yoda: …one attachment, I have

Yoda grooms all his grandbabies, theyrr messy and dumb and don’t know how to keep properly clean themselves.

Tho, consider: petting Obi-Wan isn’t allowed in meetings because he’s a slut for pets and will 100% zone out and just focus on how nice it feels.

Cody learned that one the hard way. Anakin purposefully uses that one whenever they need to distract Obi-Wan about something.

Caleb loves his grandmaster anyways, hair or not.

Also consider: clones pushing each other off high things like they see the Jedi do to each other all the time and it always ends with the closest Jedi making very Very Very Distressed noises and checking to see if they’re okay (they are, they’re sturdy af and 90% of the time the Jedi slow them down out of panic anyways) and it turns into grooming/cuddle sessions.

Rex and Cody just shove each other off of things all the time. it’s like an instinct.

Like, Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Cody are standing at the top of some cliff, overlooking the area and planning troop positions, and Rex comes up to report like “General Skywalker, we’ve secured the surrounding areaWAAAAGHHHH” bc Cody just like shoves him off the cliff and Anakin just looks at cody like “great thanks commander, now we’ll have to wait another ten minutes for him to get back up here and finish his report”

Rex and Cody: *see each other in literally any situation ever* Oh, I guess I’m gonna have to end you, huh?

Rex sees Fives or Tup and he’s all ‘MY KITTENS NEED GROOMING WHY ARE THEY ALWAYS SO MESSY’ but he sees Cody and the need to watch him suffer appears. It’s not even malicious, it’s like hello to them.

Untitled Clone Fic

@thefreelancerdivision, I haven’t been ignoring you!!!! I just saw your post about chubby clones and the clones not being fed enough and somehow it took me all day to write this!!!!! So I guess this is for you!!!! :)

They had no idea how it had come to this.

One moment the they were being reamed out, and the next thing they knew one shiny was passed out on the floor and a tiny blonde woman was giving the mongrel officer what for.

Vid couldn’t believe his eyes, and he was almost positive no one else would believe him either.

He and his brothers had been requested to guard a small gathering of senators on Coruscant- at the request of Senator Organa. The senator had greeted them warmly and thanked them for agreeing to be the protection detail. He had told the clones that if needed they were welcome to some refreshments.

The mongrel officer who insisted on leading the security detail then turned around and snapped that the clones weren’t to touch anything…and if they did their rations would be cut. One of the shinies had broken that rule when Senator Amidala insisted he try some, and as a result, they were denied nightly and morning rations.

The poor nameless shiny almost cried, looking at his batchmates, apologetically.

The older clones were used to this from the mongrel officers-being refused food. Sometimes the mongrels would pick a trooper and pick on him and refuse him food until it got critical. The shinies weren’t just yet. They hadn’t learned to hide portions of their rations away for times like these. It showed when the same shiny who’d gotten in trouble the night before collapsed from hunger.

The mongrel had moved to kick the shiny in the head when he found himself being levitated off the ground.

Vid and his brothers had spun around to see the tiniest little woman with her arm outstretched.

Vid was taken back by how angry she looked. Her eyebrows were pinched together, lips pulled into a tight line, and eyes practically burning with intensity. In armor reminiscent of their own, she walked forward, slowly before demanding to know what was going on.

Her voice was soft, but hard, clearly showing that she was not in a joking mood.

“I don’t know who you think you are, but put me down! I’ll have you arrested for this-” the mongrel tried to argue.

“My name is Commander Arya Clarke, padawan of the Jedi Order….and who do you think you are, attempting to kick a man while he’s down?” she responded, not lowering her hand for a moment.

Things made a bit more sense to Vid now. He’d heard of Jedi, even saw a few while stationed on Coruscant, but he’d never seen this woman before. He’d never seen a Jedi wear armor so similar to the clones own, and he certainly had never seen a Jedi use the Force like that.

He watched as she set the mongrel down, standing over the poor shiny like a guardian angel.

Arya turned to Vid and said, “You, tell me your name than tell me what happened here.”

“CT-8925, mam-”

“That’s not what I asked, trooper. Call me Arya, not ‘mam.”

“…name’s Vid, ma-Arya. The shiny hasn’t eaten in three standard days-”

“And why the kark not?!”

“…he was being punished,” Vid sighed. “Kid took some food Senator Amidala offered him and Officer Tak told us that if we ate any our rations would be cut. Kid broke the rules, so Tak’s been withholding all of our rations. Kid was starving and passed out. It’s really not that big of a deal-”

“Yes. Yes, it is. Officer Tak, was it? This is inexcusable. Under no circumstances is starving your troops an appropriate punishment, especially when they’ve done nothing wrong! If this trooper was offered food by the senator, than he hasn’t stolen anything,” Arya snapped, turning her angered gaze onto the mongrel officer.

The mongrel didn’t know how to respond other than to splutter and try to defend himself. However, the small woman gave him little chance to respond. She simply sent him a withering glare before looking at the troopers.

“Vid, please take your brother to the med bay. The rest of you, report to the mess immediately. You need to eat and you need to eat now. Triple the rations you intake. The amount they give you on Kamino and around here is appalling!” Arya said. “I will deal with Officer Tak here.”

“You’re just a padawan! And what do you know about what these clones can handle-”

“Oh, I’M SORRY! Are YOU a battle certified medic? Are YOU a Jedi healer? Do YOU know how fast their metabolism burns compared to the average human male and that what we’re giving them is woefully inadequate to keep up with aforementioned metabolism? I had NO idea!”

“You-You-You’re still can’t just barge in here and take my men-”

“I do believe I rank higher than you, Officer-”

“You still have no right-You’re only a padawan, not a Jedi!”

“Well, well, well, what do we have here?”

Vid and his brothers simply looked at one another before Tapout made a shooing gesture. Vid nodded and bolted off with his little brother, leaving Tapout, their batcher Inkstop, and the two remaining shinies. Tapout and Inkstop looked to see a young Twi-Lek woman approaching, flanked by three men with bright green painted armor, reminiscent of the Twi’Lek’s skin color. The saber clipped to her waist clearly showed she was a Jedi. Lively brown eyes looked between the padawan and the officer currently shouting at each other. Her tattooed lekku were wrapped around her neck, a beautiful smile on her face.

“Hello, lil Arya! How have you been darling?” she said, placing her hand on the young human woman’s shoulder.

“HE is my problem! He’s been starving his troopers until they drop!” Arya snapped. “Zehra, he can’t do this!”

The Twi’Lek’s expression turned cold upon those words as she turned on the mongrel officer. She smiled widely, saccharinely sweet as she responded with, “Well, we’ll just have to speak with his superiors about this, won’t we padawan?”

She turned to the troopers behind her.

“Tracer, Wash, Sylv, why don’t you escort these boys to the mess?” she said. “Make sure those boys eat! They’re much too thin.”

“Yes, General Karga! C’mon boys, the general and commander will sort this out,” the biggest of the group said.

His paint curled in lines around his arms and shoulders. His two brothers were slightly smaller than him, but both much larger than Inkstop, Tapout or the other two brothers.

Inkstop looked at Tapout before the large trooper said, “Name’s Sylv. These are my boys Tracer and Wash. It’s time to get some food in the lot of you.”

The two shinies looked at Inkstop and Tapout hopefully before looking back at Sylv.  Inkstop and Tapout simply nodded and decided to follow Sylv.

As the group walked away from the two Jedi and officer, Tapout asked Sylv why the commander seemed so upset.

“Commander Clarke? Oh, she wasn’t kidding when she said she’s a Jedi healer and combatives medic,” Sylv chuckled. “She takes her job very seriously. You guys are seriously underfed.  When we get to the mess, Clarke’s gonna make sure you get triple of what you were eating before.”

“…We-we’re underfed?” a soft voice, one of the shinies, broke in. “B-B-But we were eating about the same size portions as on Kamino.”

“Yeah, don’t get Ar’ika started on the Long Necks. She will never stop once she gets going,” Wash laughed. “They weren’t feeding us nearly what we needed back on Kamino. Ar’ika can explain it better.”

“So…we’re going to get more food?” asked the other shiny.

“Yup! C’mon kid,” Tracer said, throwing an arm around a shiny.

The group made their way down to the mess, happy and laughing soon to be joined by two Jedi- a bright and happy Twi’Lek and a grumpy, shouty, blonde Mandalorian.