Formaggio 🧀
- R.I.P Formaggio you would've loved The Most EXtreme on Animal Planet
- Knows obscure spider facts
- Has no aspirations, became an assassin for the lulz
- Stuffing his cat in the bottle is Anime only anti-Formaggio slander and I will not stand for it, no I don't believe he's like a cat dad or anything but I refuse the narrative the anime gives
Illuso 🪞
- Stupid, ugly, cringe has rat hair
- Racist (especially to Formaggio)
- Would slut shame a victim of SA
Pesci 🎣
- He doesn't even fish
- Pissed off an eldritch being (Prosciutto) and now he's stuck in this Hellish job he does not want
- He likes painting his nails in his spare time, claims he's just "in touch with his emotions" in reality he's just gay and has aspirations to do drag, he'd be beautiful too
- Prosciutto is the only member he takes any shit from and it's because he loves him and knows being a controlling bitch makes him happy
- Has several food allergies
Prosciutto ⚰️
- Mentally ill
- his last name is Cappano if Jorge Joestar is to be believed
- This mf has the clumpiest mascara, it's tragic
- Prosciutto is neither a young man or an old man who turns himself into a young man using Grateful Dead's ability to suck the youth from people. He's actually a featureless humanoid that can shapeship and pretends to be a person which is why he's acts like that and everyone is just weirdly okay with the fact that he is an abomination of nature
Melone 🖥️
- This bitch dyes his hair stupid colors like Lavender, he's naturally blonde
- His Stand runs on Linux
- Plays Neopets, he has a Grundo and is way too invested in the Neopet economy
- He literally showed up at their base one day and refuses to leave
- Can drive a motorcycle but doesn't know how to drive a car
- He doesn't really kill anyone he mostly does finances
Ghiaccio 😾
- Literally Autistic
- It's the early 2000s and you know for a FACT his furry ass is in AOL chatrooms discussing Tiny Toons in his spare time
- Says shit like "mammaries" when he means "fat tits" and it really pisses everyone off
Risotto Nero ✂️
- This man has no idea how to use a computer, technology scares him and he will never learn
- Killed a man and injected tattoo ink into his eyes and didn't know where to go from there
- Looks up mental illnesses on Wikipedia in his spare time
- he refuses to actually buy an apartment and just stays in random hotel rooms, he claims it's to be harder to track but really because the depression
La Squadra as a whole🧀🪞🎣⚰️🖥️😾✂️
- The only members who actually live together are Prosciutto and Pesci and Risotto and Melone, the former is because Prosciutto is a horrible monster that attached itself to Pesci and the later is because Melone wont get out of Risotto's hotel room. Formaggio and Ghiaccio have their own houses
- Teamwork isn't their strong suit
- These bitches ain't broke