Demisexual Pride

Yes, you can! That's exactly what you have described that you experience, and you are not alone. Besides you and I, I've met several other people online who feel the same way (although the genders vary).(And in general, for everyone reading, if you experience something, then yes, you are the testament to the fact that it is possible. Don't let anyone invalidate your experience).

I'm using the terms bi and pan interchangeably here, since most of the resources on this subject use "bi".

Allo Bi people are both Biromantic and Bisexual.

There are also Biromantic Ace people. The lack of sexual attraction does not change the fact that they are Biromantic.

Now, in the Bi/Pan community generally, it is common that people experience attraction to each gender in different degrees. The existence of the Kinsey scale (0 only hetero attraction, and 6/7 being only homo attraction) shows just how widely this can vary. Attraction is very individual/personal.

When it comes to Bi/Pan Aspecs, there is just as much variety in how we experience attraction to each gender. That variety includes whether sexual attraction develops at all.

Understanding what it means to be Aspec includes understanding that sexual and romantic attraction are separate things that develop separately. Whether one is Gray or Demi, one can experience romantic attraction to someone and never experience sexual attraction to them, regardless of their romantic orientation.

If you've experienced romantic attraction to someone, regardless of their gender, and didn't end up experiencing sexual attraction to them, that does not erase or invalidate the romantic attraction. That is what Bi Aces experience. Even if you never experience sexual attraction along with your romantic attraction to certain genders. As a Gray or Demi person, your experience or lack thereof of the sexual attraction varies.

As for labels, tri-labels are wonderful! Although they are not widely in use yet, some groups already use tri-labels, such as oriented Aro Aces.

Bi Aspecs are another group where tri-labels can help make sense of our identities.

So for you or I, being Demi and having had romantic attraction to more than one gender but only having had sexual attraction to the opposite gender, can identify as:

Or any other way of saying the three.

An Aspec person who is romantically attracted to other genders but only sexually attracted to the same gender could be:

Etc.

Some people who feel this way may also choose to identify as Graysexual for simplification (and sadly, for acceptance):

But being Demi is different from being Gray, so you should use the labels which fit you. (Graysexual people rarely experience sexual attraction, but that doesn't include particular prerequisites. Demisexual people only feel sexual attraction after a bond is formed with a person, but that can happen as rarely or as often as that person forms these bonds.)

The order or hyphenating of the words can be whatever feels more comfortable to you.

Don't let anyone invalidate your romantic attraction because it isn't accompanied by sexual attraction. That is the same "discourse" of invalidating Asexuality in general.

The fact that it isn't the same for all genders is part of how your sexual attraction varies as an Aspec person and how attraction varies between genders for all Bi/Pan people.

Seeing asks like yours helps other Aspecs who experience attraction differently to know that they are not alone and that their romantic attraction is valid. ❤️

- Mod KP