Demisexual Pride

Hello! While this blog name may have "demisexual" in it, we have many mods here helping out, and our romantic and sexual orientations vary; some of us are demisexual/asexual/greysexual and beyond. We cover all things queer, though we tend to specialize in aro/ace related things.

When it comes to figuring out your own orientations, I recommend researching a lot. Especially if you're the kind of person who wants to put a label on how you feel. Just remember that labels are up to you, and only you. No one should ever make you feel like you have to use one. Labels are right when they feel right to you, and that's the only important thing. Do your best to feel comfortable with who you are, because that's what really matters. Good luck!

-Mod Rosie

Also I know that ask may sound troll-ish and I’m sorry, but I swear it’s not. I hope this doesn’t make things worse but like, young Burt Reynolds has never caught my eye until I got serious with my partner and the only parts of BR that I find attractive are the ones that remind me of my partner. Sincerely, a hella confused demisexual 😭            (part 2)

Hi anon! Don’t worry it can happen.

but you know that who you love and care for is actually your partner, and seeing things/people/behaivors that look similar reminds you of them.

You don’t actually act on those feelings towards strangers, you just associate similarities to your partner.

-Mod Rowan

GIVE ME THEIR NAME! I WILL AVENGE YOUR HONOR IN A ONE ON ONE DUEL. I WILL BUY A BROADSWORD SO THAT I MIGHT CUT THEM DOWN FOR THEIR TREACHEROUS WORDS. HOW DARE THEY SPEAK TO MY CHILDREN LIKE THAT!!!

But on a more serious note… I am so sorry that happened. Words like those are generally spoken from a place of ignorance, and not maliciousness. I don’t know if that helps any. You are correct though in that it is a real sexuality, and you are valid in your feelings. I full heartedly agree though, let people identify how they want. Especially if it isn’t hurting anyone. 

Sending you all of my love and support,

I think this is a little more than a sexual or romantic orientation problem. I think this is a little more complicated than that. It sounds like (to me) that once you have a crush you sort of pressure yourself into this sort of thinking that “crush = romantic feelings” which for some people that works. I think that sort of thinking is probably stressing you out. (Mod Rose suggests looking into lithromanticism and I second this opinion. It might help with identifying how you feel)

I can suggest some coping mechanisms for this that might help out a little. Look into QPRs, maybe something that is causing  you to have this reaction is because you equate crushes resulting in romantic feelings/situations and that makes you uncomfortable (which is completely fine and lots of other people feel this way too). Or you could try making an agreement with yourself about these crushes. Maybe something along the lines of “I’m going to start treating all my crushes as ‘friend crushes’ where instead of wanting a romantic relationship I just want to be their friend”. 

I hope this helps some, but if not then keep asking us questions until we figure this out together.

Well why is it that you want to get rid of the feelings? Fear of rejection, internalized homophobia, uncertainty? Just take it slow. Become friends first, sometimes I would feel like I had a crush on someone but I really just wanted to be their friend. Sometimes I would become friends with them and realize it was just a silly little crush and they are more friend material than significant other material. 

Do what you need to in order to feel comfortable. If that means wait and see, then just take a moment before doing anything. If you need some sort of action to feel settled, then reach out and try to forge a stronger bond. Worse case scenario, you end up with a great new friendship. Best case scenario, she likes you back and you give dating a go. 

Just know that we’re all rooting for you. You have a cheer squad on your side. 

Sure! There is always a learning period with sexuality. So even if later on down the road you go “wait, maybe I’m not demisexual” that’s okay too. You could also be gray asexual. That one’s a little more confusing because there isn’t really a cut and dry answer for it. Asexuality being the spectrum that it is encompasses a whole group of people. What you are describing sounds like it’s ace-spec for sure, but where you fall on that spectrum is subjective and ultimately up to you to decide.

Yeah, it can be difficult to sort through it all because you don’t really have anything to compare it to. I had my allosexual best friend (who we joke about how she is easier to turn on than a light switch) describe the way she experiences sexual attraction to understand the opposite end of the spectrum. What you are describing sounds more ace spec to me, probably more gray-a or ace. If you don’t feel sexual attraction (which is what it sounds like you are describing) than there is just the more platonic attraction (ie I want to be their friend and have them in my life on a regular basis). 

I think there is so much emphasis put on sexual relationships that platonic ones are seen as lesser. It is perfectly normal (especially for Asexual spectrum people) to want a significant relationship without sex. They are called “QPRs” or Queer-Platonic Relationships. It is basically like a standard Allosexual relationship, just without the sex (or whatever else, like if you were aromantic you could establish that you don’t want the relationship to include the romantic aspect).

I have known ace spec people that have described the way they experience platonic or aesthetic attraction to be overwhelming or distracting. So it is not totally uncommon to experience that even as an Ace spec. You read the stories where the person is so infatuated with another person it distracts them, and the same goes for real life people; be it with sexual, platonic, aesthetic, etc. attraction.  

I hope this helped a little, but if you have more concerns or questions don’t hesitate to ask. 

YEEEEES! I know this feeling so well. It feels like your life is the literal embodiment of a train wreck but you are just along for the ride. Then you have all these feelings and WTF are you supposed to do with that nonsense? Plus then what if the person doesn’t like you like that? Do you tell them? Do you not? Like is this what Allosexuals feel like all the time? That must be freaking exhausting.

Well if it looked like this:

then from my research I am getting “Gray Analterous“ or Gray-a, but I have never seen it like this until I did some digging to answer this ask. I think the more commonly accepted flag for gray-a’s is like this:

I hope that helps

Basically any medical profession would allow you to volunteer for doctor’s without borders. It wouldn’t be glamorous, but you would definitely get a hands on experience with various cultures (Me and my sister have considered doing this together once she graduates PA school). You could become a professor if you are more an academic type, then you could teach anywhere as long as you know the language. You could go the embassy route and try and get a job working at an embassy overseas (I have no idea how that works. I know literally jack diddley squat about that portion of government). You could go corporate and work for a corporation that has offices all over the world and get a transfer to a different country (but that would mean you would have to experience the culture on your own time instead of as a job). Maybe Rowan will have some different ideas. I’ll ask her.

You could classify as Ace flux or gray-a, but I honestly think it’s whatever you feel the most comfortable with. Or you could just use ace as an umbrella term and then only go into specifics with potential partners/people you trust. I don’t think I have ever heard of a specific label for what you are describing, but I’m sure it isn’t all that uncommon. Even though I am demi with every gender, I still find it easier to form a connection with other more feminine presenting people because I can relate to that more than someone whose more masculine.

If anyone knows of anything that pertains to this, please feel free to reply or reblog.

I am so glad you were able to find a label and realize that you aren’t a weirdo. I know how freeing that can be. If you ever feel alone, know that you have us and you can always stop by for some encouragement when you need it.