a guy named bear

i like to pretend i already died and asked god to send me back to earth so i can swim in lakes again and see mountains and get my heart broken and love my friends and cry so hard in the bathroom and go grocery shopping 1,000 more times. and that i promised i would never forget the miracle of being here

Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life, Amy Krouse Rosenthal

this whole ouroboros thing keeps coming back to bite me in the ass

i told my friend’s dad that he was hot (it was in context with the conversation, he was complaining that he was feeling old, etc), and he said a very genuine thank you and the conversation moved on to other topic, my friend was now talking about something else entirely when his dad goes

“i think if i were born in your generation i might have been bisexual”

and friend got kinda mad at me lmao

Fuck his dad

Fuck his dad

Fuck his dad

Fuck his dad

if you are reading this i want you to stop for a moment and imagine a crab

The world according to fish

lord take all of my pain and sufferig and give it to elon musk

i dont want kids ever but i cant deny it wouild be practical to have a baby around. like if you got grease on your hands you could just wjpe it off on baby lol. buttttt i geuss thats what pets are for

for full context

you heard of the academic icarus, now get ready for:

and may I also interest you in:

You know what? one more on the house:

#I’m academic Penelope#I write down a sentence and immediately think ew that’s cringe and delete it again#When will I finally finish this essay? Who’s to say 🙂 @cryptic-disaster well your tags made peer-review 😉

Academic Oedipus: despite all your efforts, it went exactly the way your supervisor said it was gonna go, and now everyone is cursing your name until you’re ready to claw your eyes out.

Academic Persephone: from October to March you’re in hell.  Still better than working retail.

Academic Theseus: you’ve finished your text and then went over and over again; switching metaphors, idioms and verbs for better-fitting ones until most if not all of the words you started with have been changed. The text still relays the exact same information

@usedtobeaduchess

Honestly this is fucking brilliant because you can put hot drinks in this cup and since it has a handle you won’t burn your hand drinking it

spotify needs a comment section i want more places to argue

Lemon.

The number of people in the notes of this being like “lol i’m the motorist” with 0 sense of shame or self awareness is crazy. You should all get your licenses taken away

I get anxious around cyclists so I made this

animals are quite funny.. you show them a Thing and theyre like "ok i will Sniff this"..

hm!

Crab detected! ✅

thank you doraemon <333

I kind of forgot Joe is still the current president.. I thought we were just doing independent reading time until January