@demideity on Tumblr

i like to pretend i already died and asked god to send me back to earth so i can swim in lakes again and see mountains and get my heart broken and love my friends and cry so hard in the bathroom and go grocery shopping 1,000 more times. and that i promised i would never forget the miracle of being here

hot2go

Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life, Amy Krouse Rosenthal

#fav

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geekwiththeglasses

phantomrose96

Feature ideas I have to make tumblr worse

Unfollow notifications. When someone unfollows you, you receive a notification about it. The notification includes the last post of yours that the unfollower saw so you know what the final straw was.
If the unfollower was a mutual then this notification comes with stats about how long you were mutuals and a list of comutuals who have to pick sides in the divorce. The comutuals receive this notification too
Ability to edit other people's replies.
Ability to edit other people's blog themes.
The ability to gift debuffs like those cooking competition shows. Pay $15 to make someone you hate only be allowed to post 20 times a day. Pay $30 and they can only make posts out of the set of pre-approved family-friendly message options like the Webkinz chatroom.
De-blaze. Halt someone else's post right in its tracks by removing all impressions. The more a post is circulating the more expensive this is.
30 Day Trial Follows. When you follow someone you can't unfollow them for at least 30 days because c'mon, don't you wanna at least give them a chance?
Obligatory "Tumblr houses". You have to act really really excited for the yearly sportsball tournament or risk being shadowbanned. Your blog is forcibly themed after your Tumblr house.
Obligatory name, face, and address when you sign up. This isn't for verification or anything this is explicitly for doxxing. Hopefully you'll think twice about posting your rancid My Little Pony take now that you know the whole fandom can be at your doorstep in an hour.

phantomrose96

Haha, 😊 surely you mean it links to like some speculative information similar to my first point and--

Oh.

Oh yeah no it links to this post.

Awesome. Hope this helps!

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preservationact2

Wtf is that thing

birds-in-posts

Wompoo fruit dove (Ptilinopus magnificus)

bogleech

The other one is gwerdjle the fmirp and he is mostly mildew

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desolationlovers

sliimetrash

being deconstructed probably feels good as fuck for a genre

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glassamphibians

natjennie

thereof has gotta be the most classic thing to lack

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orcgf

beadyeyes

Crazy to think about how big the world and how small the bugs are yet they still manage to find one another to have bug sex

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peaceloveandahardcock

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Dracula: I have crossed oceans of time to find you - you are the reincarnation of my own beloved wife!

Mina: I see. And we got married when exactly?

Dracula: uhhhhhhh mid 1400s I think? It's been like 500 years

Mina: cool. And then I ...died, is that right?

Dracula: it destroyed me! But you are alive now!

Mina: and then - let me make sure I'm following - then you died also?

Dracula: to arise as you see me now - immortal Lord of Darkness!

Mina: right. But, technically speaking, you did die first, right? And continue to be dead at this time? Like, medically speaking?

Dracula: I am the Great Undead who-

Mina: do you have a heartbeat?

Dracula: I no longer require such things

Mina: so I am the living wife of a dead husband, is that correct?

Dracula: in your mortal pedestrian terms - but I shall

Mina: uh huh. Let me consult my lawyer. Darling, what is the legal status of the living wife of a dead husband?

Jonathan: according to the Widows & Orphans act, the living wife of a dead husband is defined as a widow

Mina: and I think I heard somewhere that a widow is at liberty to marry again

Jonathan: according to English common law, with biblical precedent, that is correct

Mina: cool. I choose this guy.

Jonathan: (yippee)

Mina: I believe I am also entitled to half his stuff via intestate succession?

Jonathan: yes that is correct, the remainder to be equitably divided between yourself and any other heirs of his body

Mina: cool. Did we have kids?

Dracula: well no but -

Mina: great. I always wanted a Castle

demideity reblogged

geekwiththeglasses

theycantstopthesignal

I mean yeah man, what if?

if bridgerton got rid of all the lame british people and became a show about hunky orc boys making out it would be the greatest television of all time

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literally drinking a beer by the lake and still opened tumblr. some of us are beyond saving

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geekwiththeglasses

max-oats

hey folks,,,,,... glad 2 b here on tubblr . here's a little self-portrait of me,, a human male

max-oats

on my way to work at the job factory :) lets get this bread !, and by bre,d i mean human money dollars haha. dont even like bred

max-oats

feeding the ducks

(disclaimer: i do Not live in thi,s pond. i live in a home House.)

max-oats

ah . allow me to introduce my two lovely childen . Child and Baby . :) they are both just regular Men just like their old man(me)

demideity reblogged

sparks-me-fancy

bongjoonheaux

A lot of people on Tik Tok have migrated over to the Chinese app RedNote, and the Chinese users are so fucking funny about it. I saw one comment that was like "Welcome, I was the Chinese citizen assigned to spy on your data, I missed you"