Buddie 512 meta

I have to admit that I feel kind of funny writing Buddie meta after a Madney ep (since I love them so much and am rolling in my Madney feels right now), but this is the meta series about Buddie and Buck and Eddie… Plus, just like with Grudd’s ep on LS, there are scenes that make it clear how the 911 verse understands romantic love vs deep, loving platonic friendship, which is relevant to Buddie and needs to be pointed out, so here we go! ~~~

First, I wanna point out this: I love that Maddie saved her own life by choosing to walk out of the ocean. And I’m glad she got to tell Chim thinking about him and what her actions would do to him helped her do that when they met again. But it mattered to me that in her flashbacks, we also saw Buck telling her about his own pain over her leaving him in the past, and I really hope that at some point, he gets to hear from her that she also walked out of the ocean for him. I do think that Buck has begun to heal from his abandonment issues, but they started at such an early age, they’ll never be completely gone. And if 512 did one thing spectacularly, it was to remind us that mental health recovery isn’t built like a story, with a clear progression and an ending after which everything is good, it is a road of constantly working on healing. So Buck will always carry his fear and pain and sadness, just like Maddie will always have to deal with hers. That doesn’t invalidate that they ARE healing. But anything that can help them along their path matters. So I think it would be really important for Buck to know that he IS someone that Maddie can’t easily leave behind, just like she promised him in 316. ~~~

I made this gifset which showed on the on hand Chim and Eli having a deep, healthy, loving and platonic friendship between two men, including a comfort touch, and on the other hand… whatever Buddie were up to in 303. But it’s not just the difference between the way touch itself (Eli pats Chim on the shoulder while passing him by with a bit of physical distance between their torsos, clearly leaving Chim on his own, while Eddie puts his thumb in an incredibly intimate spot on Buck’s PULSE POINT and then HOLDS HIS GAZE while their bodies are so close THEY COULD BE SLOW DANCING), it’s also in the interaction itself. In the words that are exchanged. Eli’s pep talk in this scene is all about the practical help Chim needs. He offers it and then assures Chim it’s okay to do his thing, where very clearly it IS Chim’s thing, Eli’s not a part of it. In 303, Eddie figures out what’s mentally bothering Buck and won’t let him sink into those dark thoughts, drowning in them on his own. And it’s clear that Eddie is very much a part of what’s going on with Buck, as well as a part of how he can cope. In Boston, Eli does Chim a huge favor, letting him stay over for an unknown amount of time, rent free… and Chim’s grateful, so his first reaction is to promise he and Jee Yun will be out of Eli and his family’s hair as soon as possible. Meanwhile, Eddie essentially gives Buck nothing short of the role of co-parent to Eddie’s only child, which is insane enough as it is, but then Buck in reaction doesn’t protest or question it, he just stands there in awe, absorbing it. Which is also reflected in the way the scene was shot! Chim and Eli’s friendly support is framed by a dark apartment, whie Buck takes in Eddie words in the same manner he’s soaking the sunlight flooding the frame. Lastly, Eli and Chim’s talk is just one part of a montage (with its own background music). But Eddie and Chris at Buck’s apartment at the end of the tsunami? They arrive there after a montage has ended. They take up the whole scene, they’re not just a part of a sequence of events, and the music stops for Buddie’s conversation at the end of 303, it is THE highlight, THE scene that concludes Buddifer’s intertwined arc over no less than three eps. If we all pointed to Buddie as a friendship which is abnormally charged and intense and intimate, it’s because that’s how the show portrays it. ~~~

The entire episode felt like it was endlessly offering us parallels between Madney’s family unit with Jee Yun, and Buddifer’s. It hit me right off the bat, as the ep kicked off with Maddie’s voice over.We can hear her saying she believes Jee Yun will be better off without her as she walks into the ocean. This of course made me think of Buck telling Eddie in 414 that Chris would have been better off if had been Buck to get shot. Both Buckley siblings express a fear to their partner for the child that they’re co-parenting, while they both show signs of suicidal tendencies. It’s heartbreaking (and not surprising) that they both have this condition of depression that leads them to this idea (which we now know might also have a genetic factor), it’s also that they both express it within the same notion of caring and fearing for their kid. If this doesn’t cement that Chris is to Buck nothing short of what Jee Yun is to Maddie, IDK what will.

Another example of these parallels between their family units is how Chim sending footage of Jee Yun to Maddie when she can’t be there is reminiscent of how Buck is taking and sending pictures of himself with Chris when they’re spending a day together and Eddie can’t be with them. These are parents with their kids and their life partners, you can’t change my mind!

Which means they also have very similar moments of dread for the members of their core family unit. Just like we are shown the moment when Chim admits to another person he will have to go looking for Maddie in the morgue (and we understand the awful emotional impact of that because they are each other’s core family unit), so too we were shown that realization when it hit Buck, that he needed to go looking for Chris among those who didn’t make it in the tsunami. This moment doesn’t pack as much of a punch unless we understand how much Christopher has come to mean to Buck.

But the thing about how much you love your core family unit is you simply can’t give up on them, not as long as there’s a sliver of hope, maybe not even when there’s none at all. That’s why we see that Chim kept looking for Maddie. Even when he knew the morgue was an option, he was still going around, talking to Athena, printing and hanging up ‘missing’ posters, and then waiting for her outside the women’s mental health clinic, without any indication that she’s there and with Eli telling him that he’s crazy. Similarly, in 512 even after Buck realized Eddie might not be coming back to the 118, Buck still texted him to come along with the team to the pub, waiting for Eddie, like Buck had been waiting for months prior to that dinner they had together, showing that on some level he continued to wait even after Eddie himself told Buck not to. NGL, I think Jane Austen would approve.

Of course, as Jane Austen would tell you, or Eli (since he’s apparently a great amateur of films and their structure, he seriously rocks and is welcome to co-write my meta weekly post any day), it’s always darkest before the dawn, so before it can get better, we need to really feel the full weight of what it would mean if the protagonist for some reason won’t be able to come back to their partner after all. That’s why we have that moment when Chim sees that the ‘missing’ poster is gone, we get the expression on his face, of being completely stunned and unable to process his loss, and I think it’s SO similar to that lingering shot we got of Buck in 511, after he heard Eddie saying that he’s moved on.

That’s when the reunion can kick off, and it starts with Madney gravitating together around saving a life (something they’ve done together before in 313). It reminded me of how the first hint of a reunion we get for Buddie is the Speed call in 511, where thanks to Eddie watching Buck on the highway, the two of them could work together (Eddie on the phone, Buck in the field) to save people’s lives, just like they used to. Battlefield boyfriends forever.

Another parallel between Madney and Buddie in this ep is how the 911 verse tells us that when one of each pair is around others, they naturally shift to talking about their partner and kid. We learn this is true for Chim from Eli, and we also saw that the same applied to Eddie, because during the crossover ep, when he was on his own with Marjan, his social media naturally directed the conversation to Chris as well as to Buck…

If the thematic parallels aren’t enough, we also get the visual shot of Chim and Maddie sitting on opposite ends of the bench when things are emotionally loaded between them after their reunion, which brought back the image of Buck and Eddie sitting on opposite ends of Eddie’s hospital bed when things were about to turn so raw between them during the guardianship reveal in 414.

Lastly, the resolution of Madney’s struggle is tied to their understanding that they can’t pretend with each other. The challenge of that is obviously that sometimes we pretend with ourselves as much as we do with others. That’s what Madney realize in this ep that they had been doing and can’t continue to. And just as discussed in the 511 meta, this is what both Eddie and Buck have been doing as well. Buck even admitted he’s too apt at hiding his own feelings back in 403, right before we learned so much more about the Buckley siblings and their upbringing, which constituted the first instance of Buck acknowledging both he and Maddie carry a certain sadness with them. I just have to give the show kudos for bringing things full circle for Madney. Buddie is not there yet, but we know that they must walk the same path, and one of the strongest indications for this is that the same resolution Madney arrive at, not to pretend with each other anymore, is what Buck was hoping for in 511. They’ll get there, and when they do, it will still be something they’ll have to work at constantly (much like Madney realize in this ep), but just like the Madney reunion, I believe Buddie’s will also feel earned and satisfying.

~~~ Thank you so much for reading! Biggest thank you goes out to @whosoldherout and @judsonryder​, who made these stellar gifs for the meta. It takes a lot of time and work, and I hope that they get all the love and appreciation for what they do! And thank you to anyone who support these posts, especially with reblogs. It’s a labor of love, and a reblog is a wonderful way to spread that love around. xoxox

5x04 -> 4x05 || 4x14:  you don’t know her like I know you

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