Yeah. I use it for every damn thing.

On average…

I use my phone 2 hours and 26 minutes every day. The statistics are in per my use of the moment app for the past 35 days. Scary and fascinating to see the full breakdown.

Random

Today I saw a person driving around in a bear suit. Like a full bear suit. To be fair we were near a local college. I tried to chase them down so my friend could see but traffic was too bad. Then walking my pooch we saw an owl just chillin in the grass at the park. This lady was soooooo close taking photos so I didn't want to ruin it by scaring it away. It knew we were there anyway and did the whole neck spin thing to watch us walk away. Such a weird and auspicious day.

Just put some cocoa up in the cabinet.

It’s stored in the old M&M tin that just so happens to be a collectors edition. From 1995.

I just realized my 20 year high school reunion came and went… I feel like I'm living in a time warp. That time has been flowing past me while I stand still unaware.

2016 is freaking me the fuck out.

Totally over

Visvamitrasana. Pulled my damn psoas muscle again fucking around with it after class Sunday. Because I was already tired. And haven’t done it or any of the prep poses in weeks. Lame. Yoga fail.

And the damn gif feature won’t work so imagine an image of anguish and pain here.

2016 continues to send me signs pushing towards big change. It is literally all around me… the closet purge of 2015 has spilled over into the entire house as things continue to fall apart and need replacing. It is quite scary yet exhilarating as I feel I have no choice but to go with the momentum of change.

Last night it occurred to me

that I'm done with short hair. I really thought I was done with long hair… so this was a shock. I don't want to be done with hats though. Let the internal conflict begin.

This is one of the center pieces from my nieces wedding last night. A truly simple and beautiful idea, blooming tea!! After everyone got saucy and silly there was drinking of tea right from the giant bowls. One of my favorite moments of the evening.

The End of an Era

Not too long ago I wrote about some issues with my tongue piercing. 

 After 20 years I've taken it out for the last time. A couple weeks ago I had another bad flare up with my sub-mandibular gland which forced me to take my barbell out. After only a day without it I found I'd lost at least two gauges in size… I just couldn't go through the process to get it back in again.  Oddly enough, it felt like self harming which is something I’ve never done but the thought of forcing that thing back in just did not sit well with me.

As I looked in the mirror with barbell in hand I realized my body was done with this and as always I was holding on when I should be letting go. Now without it for over a week I almost miss it but really I'm missing the comfort of familiarity. I've come to realize I had a lot of habits when bored that involved playing quietly with my jewelry in my mouth. This habit of mouth play is something I’ve done since childhood.  Getting my tongue pierced just added to the game.  Now my mouth just has all this SPACE and feels so empty. 

 I will never stop being amazed at the ability of my body to adapt before my mind has even noticed it's time for change.

Heart Heat Rescue

Yesterday was pretty weird and shitty for me. I’ve determined that I’m in a space where I need support. I started taking my Chinese herbs again. Those specific to heat and heart. I feel like I’m boiling with rage almost all the time.

After only one dose (today makes two) I’ve already cried and released so much. What I’m not sure but whatever it was had become lodged in my body and was trying to desperately find a way out.

Why must I push so hard and wait so long before allowing myself some support? I have so many tools at my fingertips yet I continue to just do and do and do until I’m spent and angry.

That’s changing today. If anyone reads this and can relate: give yourself a damn break. If you need some help and there’s help available, ask for it. Don’t be afraid, don’t judge yourself, just ask for it. It doesn’t even have to be big and it could be tools that are right there available to you and all you have to do is use them.

New Mood - still feel like shit.

A momentary phase of crazy energy!  Getting rained in has me in a bit of a cabin feverish manic mood.  I’m finishing up a task I started over the weekend finally:  cleaning the shelving unit that holds all my yoga props.  Yeah, I have that many props.  Actually, one of my favorite nick-names relates to that but I cannot share as it also relates to my last name...  too personal I’m afraid but trust me it’s real good.

I think when I start organizing everything back on the shelves I’m going to take inventory.  Maybe even photos for a potential post later.  I obviously have issues with material things but that is a whole other post indeed.  I’ll be glad when this damn Mercury retrograde is over.

So I called in sick today…

Super Paranoid

Or superstitious. But usually I'm a fan of these odd coincidences. This week has sucked. A continuation of the previous week just flowing into this one. Today is my 13 year anniversary as a full time employee at my company. I wanted to call in this morning and just stay in bed. But my boss beat me to it. And another team member is on vacation. So I'm just sitting here paranoid as fuck because I feel like a cabinet is going to randomly crush me or something. Did I mention it's been a shitty week? And I may be a little paranoid? Yay hump day.

Sleep is Better than Drugs

This week has been rough. I anticipated today being the icing on the shit cake that it has turned into. So last night on the way home from work I resolved to get shit faced drunk on a delicious bottle of Rosé I’ve been hanging onto. I even got some organic raspberries to make it fancy.

Here is how my plan played out because my body is getting real tired (pun intended) of this stress:

-went to store, purchased berries (and some Epic jerky, don’t judge me for my weird PMS meat needs) -came home and sorta vented a bit on husband; who then took pity and put a frozen meal in for me while I vegged out on crime drama and got high to detach -passed out on the couch waiting for frozen meal to cook in oven -woke up and ate said frozen meal -promptly went to bed at 8:30 because my body obviously needed no more incentive to sleep

And this morning I woke up on the dot at 4:20 a.m. with no alarm. I find this super funny and take it as a sign that overall my body is just more ok with my smoking habits than it ever will be with drinking habits which is why I really don’t have them. It’s not about breaking the law or rebelling, it’s about what my body obviously prefers.

After waking up I then proceeded to: 1. get up and do two facials while oil pulling and take a super long hot shower 2. pick up the disaster of a kitchen that I’ve had to ignore for the past few days and started the dishwasher 3. start a load of laundry 4. pick up the living room where husband decided to camp out all night for fear of waking me by coming to bed snoring 5. get ready for work and pack a lunch 6. enjoyed a Criminal Minds themed wake & bake 7. made it to work by 9:30 which was recently communicated as the latest time I could grace the office with my physical presence

I’m not exaggerating when I say I almost had to force myself to come in today. Yet somehow I’ve managed to handle everything with grace and humor, although it is dark humor; I’m still laughing in the face of the unsurmountable amounts of bullshit that hit me as soon as I started up my PC.

Examples:

- no apparent road rage on the way in. I only have a 6 minute commute with no red lights and one in particular pushes my buttons every morning yet I persist on going the same way out of habit. This morning I was greeted by a green light and honestly could have probably handled the wait which usually seems like hours. - elevator ride up drama was entertaining vs. enraging; I’m on the 17th floor and take the stairs to the third floor usually just cause I can and it’s easy. This morning I was greeted with a maintenance man blocking the stairs forcing me to go around the long way and take the elevator anyway. A lady gets in at the last minute holding us up only to realize she’s going up and wanted go down. I notice a lady going to the 19th floor standing next to me that I don’t know and make a snappy comment to wrong way lady that “she might as well just push 20 and get a full tour…” The lady from 19 cracks up and as I get off on my floor I drop “sorry guess that’s at the top humor”. BOOM! That had me laughing all the way to my desk. - bullshit, bullshit, bullshit…. still not losing it…. -take a break in the oasis which is trashed as usual to heat up my lunch and out of habit and the need to do some frustrated vent cleaning just start cleaning and tossing. The universe rewarded me with 15 cents and I pocketed it with no guilt taking it as payment for my cleaning.

I’ll be honest. I’m drowning today and I’ve had to fight back tears twice but there were smiles right behind and I haven’t even taken my heart herbs today so I’m doing it all on my own.

Sigh.

I guess at some point I will have to just let this emotional roller coaster ride happen. Seems like my natural instinct to fight back the tears and rage only intensifies things. I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't; either way I'm not in control of things so does it really matter???

Lazy Sunday

So far today I’ve:

1. Had a leisure morning picking up the house while editing my latest YouTube video. (still working)

2. Taught a yoga class.

3. Spent some quality time in the wet room after practicing my inversions.  Had the whole place to myself so it felt like I was soaking sore musclesin in the whirlpool and floating in lap pool for hours.  

4. Made my way to Starbucks to get some Tumblr time in while ppl watching and enjoying an iced macchiato.  

I still have a lot to get done but it’s just barely 2 so I’m feeling pretty ok with this much needed down time.

This is the result of an avalanche of canned goods raining down on my head from the cabinet you see behind me. Breakfast is dangerous. Absolutely, positively, over this day.