i think if you and katsuki were fighting in front of your child he would never forgive himself. the image of your baby standing in the open doorway with sleepy sad eyes, staring up at both of you in fear and confusion would make him want to walk into the sea.
katsuki hates your silence.
he can see the tension in your brow from across the room, even though you're facing downward into your book. anger not hidden, and he can only imagine all the shit you want to say behind that grit jaw.
"know you're pissed."
your nostrils flare, but you don't bare your teeth at him. "i didn't say i was pissed."
"don't have to, it's right there in your face."
as soon as the words leave his mouth, he's sour. it's—not fucking nice to say, to you, but it gives him what he wants and that is some kind of reaction. not to be ignored. neither of you can sleep like this and if you try, it's only gonna build resentment and the idea of you with your back to him, hating his stupid guts, wondering why you ever—
"i don't know what to say." you shrug, irritated. "i'm sorry i look pissed."
he scoffs. "don't apologize."
"well, what do you want, katsuki?" you heave a sigh that makes his stomach twist. he doesn't know why he's doing this, but he stands his ground anyway. "why are you picking a fight with me right now?"
"i'm not—" he holds onto that, scrambling it up in his brain until his anger feels justified. "i'm not picking a fight with you. 'm just sayin' i can see that you're fuckin' pissed at me right now."
from where you're tucked into bed, you just stare at him. eyes dark. hands relaxed in a way he doesn't like. if you're not pissed, then you're apathetic, and if you're apathetic, then he's already losing you.
still, he presses on. he wants you to say it, he realizes, just spit it out so he doesn't have to spend the night wondering what this means for the two of you—three of you. if he's crossing a line he can't come back from.
"i can't control when i gotta work—"
"oh my—" you rub your hands over your face, stressed and sighing. how many times have you had this argument? how many more can you put up with? "i know you can't control it, i'm not blaming you for that, but if you can't make it to the recital, then—"
the door creaks open, just behind him, and you both gasp at the same time; your hands fall from your face and into your lap; katsuki stumbles back from the doorway like he's been hit, eyes wide, surprised in a way he didn't think he could be anymore.
your daughter stands there. hugging the little plastic doll she's not supposed to sleep with. she looks at you, and then at him, and then at you, and then at him, and all her little tells are there. all the ways he's learned to understand when she's upset. how she's bearing all her weight on one foot, scrunching up the toes of the other, plucking nervously at the hem of her pajama shirt as if he doesn't fit her right even though he knows it does. it's her favorite.
her eyes are big. katsuki thinks they must look like his, rubied and shining.
nobody says anything until he murmurs a quiet, "hey," and even though she's getting too big for it, he scoops her up in his arms and lets her wrap her own around his neck, plastic doll and all. he hears you sniff, wetly, and your daughter turns her head to stare at you. quietly.
and katsuki thinks he maybe hates her silence, most of all.