i just realised i use weaponised incompetence to get others to do my work for me. that’s really bad, actually

I am blind to others’ love but no one can say that my 24th wasn’t the most beautiful outpour, including me. I am loved and, on good days, consider myself lucky.

This morning I had a dream of my first home; I was in the body of my small self, walking around my room. We had so many CDs. I had Digimon figurines and a CD of The Mask.

Jhumpa Lahiri reading ‘This Blessed House’ from Interpreter of Maladies at MIT, 2000

Textile artist Anna Fiedler’s home in Fitzroy North, Melbourne, Australia

had another dream about my TEETH. again! this time it was because “you have low blood pressure”???

saw Parul Sehgal and Wesley Morris on my first trip to NYC.. i was STRUCK seeing them

what podcasts have you guys been listening to? 💕💕💕💕

i can’t help this crushing feeling of not being important anywhere to anyone at any given point of time

what fantasy books should i be reading? would wolf hall be too much if i’m trying to read something escapist?

i just feel like you have to be self-effacing to truly be intimate with people.. if not i am constantly wondering why i am not specific or irreplaceable or outstanding to someone and that comes out it some awful ways

ive always had this deep rooted understanding that if you are unhappy you could destroy everything good in your life.. that’s what happened to my mom (though it didnt happen to my dad)..

sometimes it feels like every second i have with someone is overwhelmed by this feeling that anything i do could make me replaceable. like every interaction is a test to evaluate whether i am worthy of being in someones life or not.. which yes i guess sometimes it is but most of the time it’s not that dire, though if feels like it.

all the books i’ve picked up this year but never went past 20-50 pages:

jack by marilynne robinson

cold blood by truman capote

the hatred of poetry by ben lerner

appropriation by paisley rekdal

fire sermon by jamie quatro

runaway by alice munro

im sure there is more but can someone just tell me why i cant finish a whole book and how do i move on with this

watched He’s Just Not That Into You and The Fault in Our Stars yesterday.. vv good