AMARYS DEJAI

I love writing poetry. It’s like my own secret language. I can say “I need a slowness much like the sunrise” and nobody knows what I’m talking about but my heart says “yes, that’s exactly it”

One day, I will write love poems that will live under their pillow instead of the back of my throat.

—from Things Buried Under the Floorboards [A Working Title], amarys dejai

unrequited love as my mother tongue

In response to the question: what is yearning? // amarys dejai

I am grieving for the loss of a touch that I have never received.

@unrepressedeleutheromania

I wrote about you, for you.

Tears have watered the seeds that this past year planted in me, and they will take root and grow under the promising sun of the future.

— amarys dejai

I feel as though I’ve been in a standstill my entire life | amarys dejai

I adore watching you bloom.

Stop searching for what does not wish to be found.

— amarys dejai

thoughts from a wondering mind.

Dated words, 2016.

“I know that you have hope for us, but I cannot love you in the ways that you deserve. Please, don’t fall in love with me. Don’t make me promise something that I cannot give you.” | Postcard #3

“I wish that you still loved me. Please, come home.”

| Postcard #2

I can’t remember the color of your eyes; I can only remember that you are allergic to lavender. I don’t know what made you leave; I only know that I have not been the same ever since. I can’t remember the last time that I fell asleep with ease. Look, all I’m saying is that it’s 2 am, and here I am writing about you. I’m not saying you took my Sandman with you when you left, but I am saying that I can’t remember a time when I couldn’t fall asleep after you told me goodnight. Then again, maybe this whole thing is my fault. Maybe it’s my fault for not reaching for you when you left; You have never left without saying goodbye. So then, I guess it is your fault that I can’t remember the color of your eyes because you never looked back at me when you left. I only remember that you are allergic to lavender because I know that if I enveloped myself in the smell I could keep you close by keeping you away.

-journal entry, 2:18am