Egalitarian Annihilation

his top scars are healing nicely

Someone commented on one of my posts about intersectional feminism where I was talking about how the patriarchy hurts men, too.

This person thought they were being clever when they said:

“oh yeah? then racism hurts white people too”

They thought this was a gotcha but like… it does, actually. Like, there are a lot of examples I’ve seen of black activists and authors and educators talking about where racism hurts white people too, especially in cases where economic class intersects with race.

There are real cases where towns during the end of segregation literally closed down public spaces rather than be forced to integrate them, and that hurt the white people who used those spaces. A lot of racist attitudes towards welfare hurt white people, because making it harder to get on welfare in general makes it harder for white people to get on it too. One of the reasons racism was pushed so much was to destroy class solidarity between poor white and poor black folks, so everyone poor would keep suffering.

Now obviously white people shouldn’t only care about ending racism because it hurts us, too - we should want to end racism because racism is bad. But this person just showed so much ignorance about the subject area and literally thought black folks had not spoken on these things, when they absolutely have.

i’ve mentioned this here before, but it will remain one of the most ideologically influential experiences of my life: when i was in fifth grade i did a report on post traumatic stress as manifested in veterans of the vietnam war, and my father did me the huge favor of connecting me w/ a vietnam vet friend of his who was diagnosed with PTSD, assuring him that while i was only ten i was bright and curious and he should be as honest with me about his experience as possible. 

i remember entering his office with my tape recorder, sitting in a chair that was too big, and asking him questions about war, and his life after war, while swinging my legs over the edge of the chair. i remember being very, very quiet as he spoke of pulling the car over on the highway for fear of crashing when his hands would shake uncontrollably in response to song on the radio or a smell that he couldn’t be sure was real or sense-memory. and of ruined relationships and anger and american hypocrisy. 

and i also remember that was the day i learned what “valor” meant. he used “valor” in a sentence and i didn’t know that word, and when i asked him to explain “valor” he became very quiet. and i can’t remember precisely what he said, if he ever offered me the dictionary definition or not, but i do remember him looking very sad, and saying something about our country’s idea of “valor”, and also something about a broken promise. and there was an edge to his words that i couldn’t parse at the time that i would later come to understand was bitterness, that he sounded bitter. 

to this day i can’t hear or read the word “valor” without seeing sunlight coming through his office window at a slant, close-to-sunset light, and feeling the kind of quiet, confused, completely internalized panic a child feels when they sense that a grown up is trying very hard not to weep in their presence. 

Pros of reading authors you don't agree with:

If EVERYBODY in your life hates your significant other then they are the problem. If it is one or two people like a family member you have a turbulent relationship with and one friend who’s always been kind of jealous, maybe they just hate your success. But most of the time that is not the case and the people who are closest to you and love you and have had your back for years probably know when your new relationship is toxic and/or doomed.

“My friends don’t talk to me anymore because of my boyfriend.” Who do you talk to now, other than him?

YES. A MILLION TIMES YES.

Inverse also true! If your partner dislikes most of the people you are close to or gets really pouty about you spending some time with them and keeping in touch, that's a huge red flag.

If you don't have people over anymore or don't take your partner places because your partner's behavior is embarrassing or noxious, something is very very wrong.

So this is crystal clear to me now, in hindsight because, y'know.. But also add on to that list 'I don't want to talk about my relationship with my nearest and dearest because I feel like I have to defend it' is also something to look out for.

it is my hope and dream that everyone on tumblr can go outside and visit a gay bar or go to a queer event and see that our community is very beautiful and very diverse and that half the internet discourse isn’t real

queer people outside will have genders that are so unreal and don’t fit in boxes and will call themselves words that online discourse deems unacceptable and will be so resistant to being boxed in and will be so free, it is so so beautiful and human

I am mad about cellphone cameras hiding the processing they do, and I am glad about software that lets me control it and opt in and out, and I dictated this rant on insta so I am resharing the images here and will attempt to turn this into a useful text post on my blog in future, when my hand is working better 🤘👍

Here's the website for the app I'm getting so much good use out of: https://opencamera.org.uk/

And here's a big dump of photos from it!

and here's an example of exactly how much this means to me -- I've been really feeling like I'm terrible at photographing my own work, especially watercolour, and i can't seem to really capture what makes a painting special in person.

here's some examples of my attempts to photograph this sketchbook painting using the native camera app on my phone:

it's grainy, blotchy, the colours feel off, the contrast is too much... it really doesn't capture what's on paper in front of me!

so then i try with the processing turned off in Open Camera:

it's fucking night and day!

A clearer comparison for you:

jesus fucking christ what a game changer!

cc: @petermorwood (per previous discussions)

girlhood is touching your necklace whenever you feel nervous

me when im absolutely not corrupted by the amulet

God, what a cool fucking pair of cards. Especially these versions, with Kev Walker's art. Black and White getting the exact same effect, because the death of all fits both divine grace and unknowable horror.

And then Mr. Walker nails the fact that they're the same but different, with not just the inverted colors, but the way that Wrath of God explodes outwards, while Damnation draws all in.