Maria: Have you ever played?..
Katerina: A tennis ball? Wait a second. (Pulls a tennis ball out of her cleavage and gives it to Maria.)
Maria: Wow. Have you ever played table tennis like this?
Maria: It’s your chance to be Forrest Gump because that’s where we got the idea from.
Zhenya: But you let me win.
Maria: Don’t let you win?
Maria: Oh. It’s just like tennis, huh? (Drops the tennis ball.)
Katerina: Well, you asked her to hold back.
Maria: That was just the first try. You should start. (Gives the tennis ball to him.)
Katerina: Zhenya, when was the last time you played?
Maria: That was the warm-up.
Katerina: Masha, don’t hold back that much! I know you can do it.
Zhenya: 2-1. What are the rules?
Katerina: You play until someone scores 11 points.
Maria: I’ve just missed it.
Maria: The traitorous net!
Zhenya: 4-1. We play until someone scores 11 points?
Zhenya: Let’s play until someone scores 100 points.
Katerina: You sure сan count like… Were you good at Math at school? Hah, you saw that? You saw how I?..
Zhenya: You aren’t distracting me. Both of you are playing against me.
Maria: I just don’t understand. Is the tennis ball supposed to hit the table and then the wall or just the wall?
Zhenya: It’s supposed to…
Katerina: It’s supposed to hit the table.
Katerina: Tell us about Math.
Zhenya: Math? I was more or less okay at it.
Maria: 5-2. Everyone’s already telling me to get it together.
Katerina: 5-3. Get it together.
Zhenya: 5-3. I think you’re keeping the score wrong. You aren’t that good at Math, huh?
Katerina: I know what I’m doing.
Zhenya: What’s the score?
Katerina: The best part is running after the tennis ball.
Katerina: Jumping after the tennis ball.
Zhenya: It’s 7-3 already.
Maria: I let you get this one. I could’ve gotten it.
Zhenya: We should’ve been playing and talking during the whole show.
Katerina: Yeah, it would’ve been fun.
Maria: So is it true that you win against everyone on your team in Pittsburgh?
Zhenya: I don’t play against everyone. We had a ping-pong table once in our locker room and that’s when we played. Pretty much all guys play table tennis really well.
Katerina: It looks like tennis now.
Zhenya: I’m letting you win.
Zhenya: You should’ve invited Dinara, she would’ve played better.
Katerina: Does she play table tennis as well?
Maria: No, we’re gonna break rackets with her.
Zhenya: Break rackets? Against whose heads?
Maria: So, when I lose - if I lose…When I lose at table tennis against Evgeni Malkin, it wouldn’t be so bad.
Zhenya: Look, she’s giving up already.
Katerina: Your first coach said you played a lot of different sports. Which ones are you good at? Apart from table tennis.
Zhenya: I wouldn’t say I’m good at table tennis. I’m just good on my level…
Katerina: But compared to Mashka…
Maria: This was the turning point of the game.
Zhenya: She’s distracting me again.
Maria: 9-4. Katyusha, well done!
Zhenya: She’s good at it.
Maria: So, who’s gonna get a point?
Zhenya: You.
Maria: 9-5? Great! So, I…
Zhenya: So you lost. Almost.
Maria: So what place would I be if we took part in a table tennis tournament with your Pittsburgh team?
Zhenya: You would be on top.
Katerina: Good job at letting him win.
Zhenya: I like playing like this, by the way.
Katerina: One of your hobbies we’ve just thoroughly discussed. You kinda brought Mashka down. But we let him win, right, Masha?
Maria: Your turn of phrase, it reminds me of hunting.
Katerina: Accuracy, strength, hunting. Tell us about this hobby of yours.
Zhenya: My friends invited me to go hunting with them two years ago. The weather was good, we barbecued, hunted, shot a couple of ducks. It was just nice.
Katerina: It’s like this joke when a husband comes home after fishing and the wife asks, Where’s the fish? Was it like that?
Zhenya: No, I brought back some ducks and my Mom cooked them.
Natalya Malkina on the screen: That’s Zhenya’s first prey. (Points to a stuffed deer head hanging on the wall.) He’s very much into hunting and fishing. When he won the Stanley Cup, they gave him the stuffed head that night.
Maria: Zhenya, don’t you feel pity for the deer?
Katerina: You’re such a strong man and the deer is so helpless.
Zhenya: It would be bad if we just did it for fun. But we cook it and eat it right afterwards. Also we don’t kill the females.
Katerina: Only with a glance?
Katerina: Oh, that’s what you meant.
Zhenya: Only male ones. So we’re pretty humane.
Maria: How can you tell from a distance if it’s male or female?
Maria: Oh. We know that you really love animals.
Zhenya: I do. I have a cat in the US and a dog in Magnitogorsk. I love animals.
Katerina: Is it true that your little dog is the reason your parents can’t go to the US?
Maria: Little dog? Katyusha, you’re gonna see this “little” dog in a second.
Zhenya: They give it to someone and come to visit. It’s easier now.
Katerina: I meant come to live with you permanently.
Zhenya: But yeah, it’s pretty difficult. We’re thinking about bringing the dog to the US, but it’s difficult with such a huge dog. We’ll keep trying and maybe we’ll succeed.
Natalya Malkina on the screen talking to the dog: You’re such a good boy! He wants more cheese. Good boy. No, don’t come closer.
Vladimir Malkin: No, no, Joffrey.
Natalya Malkina: Please don’t come closer because this guy is something else. Good boy! Okay, finished. He ate everything.
Zhenya: I used to, but I start to forget… When he was little, I used to run with him and go for a walk with him, but now it’s different and going for a walk with him isn’t very exciting any more.
Maria: I’m gonna name another hobby of yours. I think you’re gonna be shocked. It’s cooking.
Katerina: We sincerily believe that you like cooking.
Zhenya: I had to do it when I lived alone. I had to cook breakfast or something resembling dinner, but it’s not for me and I don’t enjoy it.
(Excerpt from the the cooking video with Alyonka Larionov.)
Katerina: Those were pirogi, right?
Zhenya: We called them pirogi, but that’s not how they turned out.
Katerina: But were they edible?
Zhenya: We did eat it, honestly. Even a couple of guys from the team drank tea and ate it with us and said it tasted very good. But I tried it and it was a bit overdone.
Katerina: It looks like you only do TV show appearances if the hosts are women.
Zhenya: But where else should I make appearances?
Natalya Malkina on the screen: In one interview Zhenya said… During the play-offs he got a hat-trick and someone asked where he got his energy from. We were in Pittsburgh at the time. He answered, It’s because my Mom makes a great borscht. That’s why I’m full of energy.
Vladimir Malkin: The next day everyone wanted to know what borscht was and how to make it. Everyone wanted the recipe.
Natalya Malkina: A restaurant there found a recipe on the internet, a wrong recipe. So now there’s borscht in a restaurant.
Maria: Have you tried this wrong borscht?
Zhenya: No, I haven’t. I only eat the right kind.
Katerina: That’s why Zhenya gets hat-tricks. Because he hasn’t tried wrong borscht.
Maria: Now your friend Tash Sarkisian is going to return to our show and he’s going to tell…
Zhenya: We’ve had enough of him already.
Maria: We’ve had enough, I think so too.
Zhenya: Is this show about me or about him?
Maria: We promise it’s going to be the last story.
Zhenya: We’re gonna cut him out, right?
Maria: The last story on this show will be told by Tash.
Tash Sarkisian on the screen: Because of me Zhenka was almost late for the morning skate. He promised to bring me with him and to let me watch it. The morning skate before a game is special, right? 50-60 journalists are a normal thing. But the thing is that I love taking a shower in the morning, it takes me a really long time. So because of me… It’s just because of Zhenya’s ability to navigate American roads and because there was no traffic that we got to the morning skate on time. To be honest, he didn’t drive slowly here either. Zhenya’s athletic both while playing hockey and sitting behind the wheel. But he gets recognized on the roads and nobody takes action against him.
Katerina: What kind of Russian guy doesn’t like fast driving? Did you encounter problems in the US?
Zhenya: Before I came to Russia I was stopped for driving over the speed limit. I even had to go to court. So it happened. But the judge said this had to be the last time because I had many traffic tickets, I had five or six traffic tickets before that. But honestly I just can’t drive 25 mph which is, I don’t know, 40 kmh for half an hour. It’s very difficult. So I drive faster and the police stop me.
Maria: Do you listen to Russian chanson while driving?
Zhenya: No. I know that my Mom said I liked Russian chanson. But I like all kinds of music. I like Russian chanson and some kind of pop music and club music. I listen to everything.
Maria: What are you listening to now?
Zhenya: It’s hard to say. I go out clubbing with friends, so there’s that kind of music. When I’m driving I only listen to the radio, to jokes. I don’t take any CDs with me. So it’s hard to say.
Maria: Please tell a joke you heard today when you drove over here.
Zhenya: A joke which we laughed at for a long time? That we were driving over to you show?
Katerina: That’s already a joke.
Zhenya: That’s already a joke, yeah. No, there was a joke when Gena said the show’s gonna be hosted by two women. It was a joke because I was asking myself how two women could possibly know anything about hockey.
Katerina: So now you see it is possible?
Zhenya: Yes, I was honestly surprised. You have great skills.
Maria: Our guest today was Evgeni Malkin, a Stanley Cup winner. Our audience was able to see what a great hockey player you are and that you’re also great to talk to.