How could I like her? Because I don’t like her. Because I can’t like her. Mrs. Forman, if I like her- shoot me. POW!

• you kow what your problem is ? i’m too good looking.
• god what did you have for breakfast this morning – carnation instant bitch ?
• an apple ? where’s my candy , you son of a bitch ?!
• look , if i could run across the beach into my own arms , i would.
• when my time comes i want to be buried face down , so that anyone who doesn’t like me can kiss my ass.
• what are you going to put on your resume – dumbass ?
• do you know what drugs do to you ?
• well , damn ! i can’t control the weather !
• anyone else feel like a rainbow ?
• well , i’d like to help out but … not as much as i’d like not to.
• hey , if god didn’t want me to wear this shirt so much , he wouldn’t have made them rock so hard.
• punk is the nihilistic outcry against the corporate rock n’ roll takeover. it’s the soundtrack to the revolution , man !
• yeah , i’m making special brownies but i’m also making regular brownies for the “ straight folks “ or “ losers. “
• don’t put me in your fantasies , i don’t even like being in your real life.
• i don’t know what you heard , but this show ain’t free !
• why don’t you go down to ‘ i don’t care ‘ street , make a left at ‘ get out of my life ‘ boulevard , and take the express bus to downtown ‘ suck it ‘ !
• please don’t take this the wrong way , but i want to have sex with you.
• i would love care sex … or just sex … or just a car. 
• i’m not doing anything else for men today.
• the reason that bad things happen to you is because you’re a dumbass.
• speaking of friends , how are your four cats ?
• the beautiful cannot be held responsible for the havoc our looks create.
• you know what a funny word is ? pickleweasel !
• where zen ends , asskicking begins !
• see beer is evil. i don’t want to say i told you so , but i will say this: i told you so , man.
• …so , it was either a u.f.o. or i rubbed my eyes too hard.
• if you don’t get caught , everything’s legal !
• secrets cause cancer !
• give me back my jellybeans , you son of a bitch !
• my heart aches with pain / when i see you , i vomit / die away from me.
•  life is too short to spend it with people who annoy you.
• oh please ! i’m a hot looking , smooth talking , frisky ass son of a bitch.
• oh honey , you’re not a jackass … you’re a jack-angel ! 
• yeah , i’m what’s known as man-pretty. 
• if i were a bird , i’d fly into a ceiling fan.
• hey ! i was never happy , i was just less pissed off.