it's weird I lived in europe for a year and now the prospect of going back for 7 weeks has me very anxious
#rev speaks#it's probably the Trauma#it obviously is#but it's weird trauma idk how to deal with and I'm tired of therapy#bc there's only so much to say when you have chronic pain and that's what devastates you daily#BUT COME ON IM GOING TO STUDY AT OXFORD#FUCKING OXFORD#that's a big fuckin deal#galaxy braining myself#it's all my extremely deeply buried high school me's dreams were#just far later and affected by severe health issues than i ever wanted#last summer writing my papers was agony#im hoping poetry based class will be less painful?#but im a dumb dumb and am also doing a special one on one professor project for poetry as well#genuinely did not think id get to do it I phoned in my proposal very very hard#wrote it on my phone in about 5 mins I believe#ahhhhhh despite everything and my own wants and desires I remain good at one (1) thing: academics#i want to ask my parents what they think life wouldve been like if they'd encouraged my love for english and arts earlier#but that's the petty bitch in me wanting to punish them