@darlinglisa / darlinglisa.tumblr.com
If you heard of writer’s block, get ready for reader’s block. You want to read. You have time. You know what to read; how have a pile of books ready to be read. You cannot sit still and focus enough to do so or you can’t even open the book.
whatever our souls are made of, you and me are going to end up stuck in the same ice hole
Chris Rivers.
I think as adults with our own living spaces it's important to have your friends over periodically for a sleepover. And i mean a real sleepover. Staying up late to watch movies with junkfood and popcorn and then going to bed only to stay up even later talking in the dark and laughing because you're so exhausted that everything's funny but you still don't want to fall asleep.
everything in between
Art by Wu Yi
Being an American right now is so fucked up. Like hi I'm living my life. I'm gay. I'm doing great. My government is trying to take away my human rights. I can vote but it might not do anything because of gerrymandering. Sometimes people here deliberately spread deadly viruses because Freedom. We're told this is the best country in the world. I can't escape. I don't want to leave. I want to escape. I love the land itself. The government is like five steps from actively trying to kill me. We have brand new lawmakers who better understand the will of the people. The highest court in the nation is rigged to side with fascists. I'm graduating soon and I have an incredible life ahead of me. My planet is dying.
What the hell do I even do, man
Like. This sounds overdramatic but you know that scene in the two towers where theoden looks out at saruman's army and realizes he made all these warriors just to destroy Rohan which is full of innocent people and his people and he says "What can man do against such reckless hate?"
That's how I feel on a daily basis
I don't think I CAN do anything except keep doing what I'm doing. Keep myself alive. Make stuff that helps other people be happy. Encourage activism and change. Plant flowers. I have to focus small. There ISN'T anything I can do against the big pharmaceutical companies causing millions of deaths from covid (among thousands of other medical ailments) because they refuse to release the patents on lifesaving medicine. I can't do anything about it I literally can't
All I can do is fucking write stories and posts and run stupid little dragon RPGs and plant flowers and hope. But if it helps other people too, what I'm doing, then it's worth it.
I am very small. I need to remember that and not try to pick a fight with an enemy that's much bigger than me. It's not selfish to say it's probably for the best if I just focus on my life and immediate vicinity. It's realistic and I think I can do more good this way.
There's a lot of pressure to like, fight for every problem ever but I think I need to remember I can't do that and I shouldn't do that and I need to limit myself to what I CAN do
Idk, it's clear a few other folks were also Feelin' This. I guess we all have to scale down. It feels gross because like... Obviously I care about shit that's happening, but I literally cannot deal with emotionally and intellectually engaging with all the awful news I'm bombarded with.
Being an American right now is still fucking awful, but being me doesn't have to be
Hey I know it's long but reblog this version of the post actually
I can bite back that mean thing I was going to say to someone who won't hear it and won't get me closure, and put it in a story that comforts others. I can tip my hairdresser well. I can find something nice to say about someone at work every day. I can thank the grocery cashier and the bus driver and mean it. I can drive less and buy less. I can give money to the food bank. I can compost and grow my own vegetables and set up cold frames and share with my neighbors. I can start a savings account for my niece like my bluestocking aunt did for me, which saved me when I left my spouse. I can give my aging dad small errands to do that get him out & about and help him feel useful, then thank him for the help. I can convince my nonprofit leadership to give all our hourly staff a $3/hr raise by holding leadership salary flat for three years, because $6200 a year for 300 people is real money. I can hire someone who's been out of work for two years. I can make pothos cuttings and turn the house into a jungle.
They're small things, but they still matter. We all still matter.
The Vast
the american interstate highway system: driving into texas or montana or california and realizing how many more exits you have to go before you cross into another state, driving in the interstitial parts between cities with one eye on the gas gauge hoping you make it to the next gas station before you run out, the brief vertigo of glancing up through your sunroof on a clear, cloudless day on the road and seeing nothing but blue, or at night and seeing nothing but black
The Lonely
the american interstate highway system: road trips alone between the reach of local radio stations, hearing only the passing static as your stereo tries to latch on to any thread of contact, but you’re gone too fast to ever hear it clearly, stopping late night at empty gas stations on empty roads, meeting only the reflective eyes of a racoon near the dumpster and wondering if you’re the only person left on earth
The Dark
the american interstate highway system: the parts of it too distant to justify the cost of streetlights, the moment of panic when you turn off your high beams too soon and nearly miss a curve, swerving out of the way of a deer who seems to have materialized from nowhere, the blanketing blackness that seeps into your cab when there’s no other cars around at all
The Desolation
the american interstate highway system: seventeen-car pileups at poorly conceived city exits across nine lanes of traffic, the explosions of semi trucks and gas carriers, road rash stealing the skin from motorcyclists, the scream of ambulances carrying the burned, broken, crushed, impaled, shattered
The End
the american interstate highway system: the moment of panic when a truck turns too close to you, when you lose focus for a moment and almost don’t hit the brakes in time, when someone cuts you off, when you sneeze and lose the wheel for a moment, when you shift and the gears don’t catch, when you drift to the side and the road guard snaps you back to awareness
The Eye
the american interstate highway system: the surveillance state that exists when driving through large cities, the watchful eye on medians and under bridges for cops waiting with speed radars
The Hunt
the american interstate highway system: the sound of sirens behind you as you glance down at your speedometer and realize that you drifted up to the 90s without realizing, the brief moment of wondering if you could shake them off if you take this exit real quickly, the urge every time to just keep going
The Spiral
the american interstate highway system: what is this exit doing here. when did this local road turn into a highway. wasn’t that your turn? how the fuck did you end up in Atlanta again
The Stranger
the american interstate highway system: glimpses of people’s faces as you drive past, the false cheer of the people laughing on billboards, that one driver you saw years ago whose face changed every time you looked in the mirror
The Corruption
the american interstate highway system: vultures lurking over dumped garbage bags, piles of fast food waste, the smell of a killed skunk contaminating the air for miles, the damp pull of asphalt under sun hot enough to melt
The Flesh
the american interstate highway system: you pass a dead bird. you pass a dead racoon. you pass a dead dog. you pass a dead deer. you pass a dead alligator. you pass a dead
The Slaughter
the american interstate highway system: the simmering rage of being eight hours in when the traffic congests and you slow from 85mph to a crawl, the force that drives men to lean out of their truck cabs with guns
The Buried
the american interstate highway system: you are driving through a tunnel under the bay and it is raining and the water is rising from below and pressing down from above and the tunnel gets smaller and smaller and you are driving through a tunnel through the mountain and the ground is shaking and the rocks are falling to block you in and you are driving through a tunnel and honestly who decided tunnels were a good idea
The Web
the american interstate highway system: self explanatory at this point really
The Extinction
the american interstate highway system: this whole bitch is run on oil combustion, land clearing, air pollution, and habitat destruction idk what you want from me
I NEVER KNEW THAT
Always always reblogging this if I see it on my dashboard
This transition is straight out of a horror movie
I THINK I AM GOING TO CUT MY HAIR
girl help i cant remember whether it happened in 2020 or 2021-
this is the perfect description of 2021
