⚜On the wings of the night amidst the stars ⚜

Whoever reads this, I hope something beautiful happens to you soon.

I hope you know that you are loved and that God thinks good things about you all the time, even when you think you've messed up so bad, there is NOTHING that changes God's love for you. You are loved every second of your life and your existence. God KNOWS you, He has no reason to think anything bad about you. He knows you better than your own judgements against yourself. He has no judgement against you, you are His beloved son, His beloved daughter, He will love you forever and forever and even longer than that.

I wish you peace and love and so much gentleness and kindness and mercy. 💚 Amen.

Not that I ever get annoyed by the aggressive Snape hate on the internet at all (I actually do 🤧) but I feel like some perspective is genuinely needed.

I can't hear the 100th regurgitation of why Harry shouldn't have named his son Albus Severus and how people don't accept it and how it is ugly and crazy and whatnot. Might I suggest the wild possibility that Harry Potter actually has the ability to genuinely empathise with Snape? That which the people who endlessly rile about him just cannot see or feel Harry does and that's why he chose that name with intent and not just with pathos? The name Albus is another topic to discuss but really Harry seems to be able to see Snape from an angle that made him want to do that and call a child of his this name until his own passing. I don't think that was a crude or promotive act. I think Harry felt Snape beyond the surface. Whether people accept this or not, Harry was at the receiving end of Snape's bullying but somehow he was able to let go of his pain related to this experience. Maybe because he recognized a genuine love, I don't know. But I have faith that he had good reason to feel like these are the names that he wanted and they were right for him.

Ugh don't you just hate that - I want to dissociate far away for a while with a disgustingly sweet Fred&Ginger fanfiction but I cannot read it unless I write it! 😩 The agony! But a) there is rarely the themes I want to read written by other authors at the moment and b) the fandom is really small (Why is it so small, they're both beautiful and absolutely legendary!? 😯🥺), I have read all good Fred&Ginger fanfictions already thrice at least and now I don't know what to do. I guess I really have to do something about it myself. 😭🥴🧐😉

I love the Brandenburgischen Konzerte, the Brandenburg Concertos. 😃😍🥰🎶

And not just because of Scully but yeah, also because of Scully. But they're just so good, this is just amazing, AMAZING music! 💚 I even lived in Brandenburg for a while, which is probably not a huge accomplishment since I'm German. ;) But Johann Sebastian Bach was actually Thomaskantor in my hometown. Which sounds so casual because we grow up with it and I've been to St. Thomas's Church so often (it was lovely last Christmas 🎄) but it actually is quite a wonderful thing. 😃😊

My favourite composer is and remains Georg Friedrich Händel, who ironically was born in our neighbouring town. 😄 His compositions are without rival though to me for sure! It was quite an epiphany when I finally actually discovered them as an adult when I understood what I was listening to. I should probably take my violin back up again, she's been resting in her case here with me. She's precious and wonderful. 💖🎻 Hah, music! 😩😀😊💜🎵

I actually think it's beautiful that Director Skinner/ Mitch Pileggi had such a huge crush on Scully/ Gillian Anderson! It's so sweet and genuinely understandable! I find this whole story very sweet and it has so much to explore, it's really touching. I just had to say that because it moved me today. There's so much to talk and write about in this. 💕

This may be a really hard Christmas in many ways and I'm still sick with the flu but I got myself the most decadent Christmas bouquet and that's something I have to share! 😁😄💐🎄

In Germany, Christmas is already this evening, it's Heiligabend ("holy evening"). 🙏🏼💚🎄

Well go to the church in 2 hours and I'm just incredibly thankful for being at home with my mom for Christmas. 🥰 Thank you mom and thank you, Jesus.

God bless you all and Merry Christmas. ❤👼🏼⭐🎄

I'm a bit conflicted at the moment because I really want to continue writing at least one of my Fred&Ginger fanfictions, they gave me so much joy and epiphanies while writing them. Even if not many people read them anyways. And I still feel good things while watching Fred&Ginger dance. But like, even if more people block me for saying this, I've really been looking at Ginger more because I like her and enjoy her solo-movies also. And objectively speaking, Ginger deserved a lot better than Fred gave her. I still very much enjoy his work but honestly speaking, he didn't treat her the way she deserved. I don't know whatever the f they really had but in either context, judging by everything we know so far, this was not a healthy relationship. And Ginger deserved better. 💛

You can possibly make that point for Fred too, I don't know.

But I just can't honestly and beautifully write about them when I see that so blatantly. I feel flat about their whatever kind of relationship.

I don't think I'll ever get over the fact that in "Flying down to Rio" Fred's character was actually called 'Fred Ayres'. 😄 (One could possibly even argue that it is interesting how Ginger married Lew Ayres one year after this movie came out and his second name was Frederick. 😏😄)

Fred&Ginger's karmic resonance playing out around them in their movies is sometimes really funny and also a joy to behold. ☺️🌞

Also I can't quite get over how long-term compatible they would have been if they had spent their lives closer together, seeing how Fred later went into breeding horses and Ginger owned a ranch and did a lot of horse riding during her later life, and beautifully so. I mean it's totally okay how they spent their lives and who they loved and everything. I just often can't help but see the golden thread that weaved all through their respective lives and always somehow connected them together, and I'm pretty sure that I'm only seeing the surface here. 💗

There is one thing I read in a Pinterest comment yesterday and it got me thinking, because it seems like there could be truth to it.

Might it be possible that Lily reacted so harshly and unrelenting to Snape calling her a mudblood because he already meant a bit more to her and it hit her a lot harder? I'm not saying that she would've just brushed it off otherwise because I know I also wouldn't have. But it would make sense that it had more impact on her because she had gently started to feel a little deeper and he meant more.

It was on my mind a lot recently so I just want to say a few things about some insights I had on Snape's character and what his choices came down to.

I recently read a fanfiction that was so brilliant in many ways as it put a different spin on the situation of Snape knowing, Lily was in danger due to the prophecy. It put a different context around all of the events and it had some amazing insight! Parts of it were not so well executed, Lily's relationship to James for example and also the way Lily and Snape were written romantically, that was rushed and incongruous to me. Some other parts were also not quite what I might've thought but I'll link the story here in case you want to read it, it is still really worth the read and such a new and genius idea to resolve the circumstances without going too far off the way it happened in the book :

Now spoiler alert, I'll discuss also what happened in the fanfiction.

So after reading this and having many thoughts, I found it interesting that Snape found a new and ingenious solution in this story but it also ended with him making the only choice that he could given the conflict on all ends and sacrificed himself. It took a better turn here though because he also cut himself off of Voldemort powerfully.

But it was always clear that he could not make it work within himself to love Lily and at the same time to follow a direction that brought so much darkness over the magical world and that killed muggleborns. He would have to sacrifice one or the other. And somehow I still wonder that he didn't apparently have the awareness that he couldn't put Lily on the backburner, regardless their practical relationship. Whether they were together in any way or not, anything he did on his own would affect his relationship with her. And even if they had no contact at all, he would give his life for her safety at any point. So it was always clear that he would die if she did. And I think if Harry hadn't survived, Snape definitely would've committed suicide one way or the other. It could be called entanglement and ego-attachment but so be it, it became clear here that in acting against what was best for Lily, he acted against what was best for him without realising it. I think she just kind of amplified his behaviour against himself, she made the split in his being very visible. (And by the way, the same could be said for Lily and her choices!)

There might be a higher solution in higher consciousness. And we might actually still see it in our lifetime as we rise up in consciousness ourselves. :) But for the story as it is told by J.K. Rowling, it is still one of the most beautiful things ever written! And I'm truly fond of the fact that Snape's love for Lily easily surpassed all of his bad choices and trauma-driven shadow personalities. Regardless what role he would've played in her life, and the way it went in the books, it was a particularly interesting role, he would've always given his life for hers. Because of his love and not because of what he received.

If you need a good cry, this might be for you. 💔😭

I have to say, I personally think that the female voice in this is far too mighty and too rough and I think the ending and some parts in between are way too chaotic and need better arrangement. But nevertheless I hadn't ever known this song even existed and even with its flaws I think it's absolutely beautiful and worth listening to! It caught me by surprise and I genuinely cried. 💚 It's special and I thought you might like it too.

Sometimes I am just so freaking, terribly tired.

I really, really, really love drinking milk. 🥛 And I buy the milk as raw milk from our local dairy farmer. I visited the place recently and saw the cows, they were munching lazily on their food. They looked clean and healthy, as far as I could tell from the outside. They seemed relaxed and like they were taken care of, no clumpy fur, no soiled legs, they were quite nice. I'm not an expert, so obviously I don't know but from what I could tell, things looked okay there and like people cared. Here is a picture of those gentle friends (there were many cows present in this area, about 10-15 I think) :

I love cows. I genuinely love them, they're so pretty and lovely and I like them, in so many ways. 🐄🐄😍☺️💞

Now I watched something about the process of milk production and yeah. The more detail you know, the more you scream. I'm sure the people where I've visited the farm are treating their animals as best as they know and I'm sure they are taking care of the cows and their calves with good intentions. But that certainly doesn't change the process.

Now I'm not going to triangulate against any inner parts, so I won't burn the part that loves drinking milk for example in favour of the part that wants this practice of milk production to stop yesterday. We can't look away anymore, I know. I believe it is God's will that we feel. All aspects of this. And I hope I can find a solution in my little world too. I love cows so much and I love animals so much even though I know and I'm sorry I fail a lot.

I'm so thankful for milk and cheese. But I cannot say it doesn't rip me clean apart when I hear what is happening to the calves that the farmers don't keep and they are a lot. And I cannot and will not say that it isn't freaking heartbreaking to my core when I see how we tag those lovely animals in the ears with a number as if they weren't a person!!

Those are beautiful cows and they're so kind and so friendly and they're innocent. 🐄💜 God help me help, please. God bless and protect and hold in your merciful and everlasting love these beautiful animals. You made them absolutely perfect and beautiful. 🙏🏼💚 Amen.