⚜On the wings of the night amidst the stars ⚜

It really is always the same, I can either appear strange to people or I can appear strange to myself. God loves me either way, even though I cannot feel it mostly. But I can believe it without b.s.ing myself. God loves me just as I am, the one that is content with herself and the one that desperately wishes people would like me and connect with me the way I am. I have to see both and maybe it's important to see the me that is really unhappy with being avoided and shied away from. That is not cool with "just doing my thing whatever". I won't bend myself and I also can't, it's both distasteful and impossible. But I can be more honest and more authentic with myself. And admit that I want to be liked by others, even by the cool kids, which I never really managed. I can really want that and really admit that I also won't be their cup of tea most of the time. Maybe I can develop the courage to stand in front of the people I really wanted to like me and they didn't like me back and say - hey, I really wanted you to like me so much! And the people I have opened my heart to and trusted elatedly and whom I've loved deeply and who didn't love me back. I remember you. And I know you dont like me but I so hoped and longed for you to love me back! I still can't change the fact that I saw something so truly worth loving in you but I trust that God will restore all of the times that I gave and did not receive. I trust that God sees my worth unchangingly and that He knows how I will be okay in the end. Please, oh God, lead me, I need all of your strength and all of your glory right now. Please hold me safe and like the One who knows me and always loves me from the most fervent depth of His heart. Please, heal us all, my God, I know I have friends here who feel this too and who deeply deserve and need your healing. Thank you God, Amen. 💚

I have to ask this because I feel like I can't solve this on my own.

I wanted to ask you guys and ladies out there if you've ever felt really crestfallen or in a really bad experience and felt God or Jesus close to you?

I have heard people saying that in their misery they truly felt Him near and being there for them. Personally I have almost always made the opposite experience. I've often even talked to Jesus in the midst of my hurt but there was absolutely nothing.

I don't doubt God's existence and I don't doubt Jesus Christ coming here for us. I just don't have any personal account of Him ever being near me when I needed Him and I was wondering if maybe some of you have experienced that too and how you cope with it. Only if you want to share anything.

God bless ya.

This is important to me.

I have had some serious bouts with anxiety over the past 5years and I can very much relate to feeling vacant and abandoned when I needed most to feel seen and counted amongst His flock. I have since come to realize that faith is holding on tightly to the truth even when my "emotions" and "feelings" aren't lining up with it. I had to lead my heart to trust in Him and I would read and claim every promise I could in the Bible until the feeling had passed. I think it was Moody who said praying is us talking to God, reading Scripture is God talking to us.

I am reminded of Ezekiel in 1 Kings 19; after the wind and the earthquake and the fire had past, he finally heard the "gentle whisper". Sometimes life and our emotions have a way of disconnecting us and tuning God out which is why it's important to take the time every day to make sure you can hear the still, small voice so, when the storm rages, you still can hear your Shepherd calling you 🤍🖤

First of all I want to say thank you very much, I'm really happy to read your insights! That's really kind. 😊 I had half thought people didn't see this post or possibly also didn't have an answer. I'm so happy that you could relate to this (I'm very sorry also that you can relate to this) and that you shared your experience, thank you! ☺️💚

I've struggled with this for a loooong time now because that's probably the main experience in my troubles and it took me a loooong time not to completely lose faith and become a raging ball of anger because of this. ;)

It took me a long time to actually observe more and see what is happening.

So what I've learnt so far is maybe similar to what you also were trying to convey. Last night in prayer (which I did begrudgingly at first) I got sent a feeling, like some higher loving being touching my heart very softly and briefly. And it didn't really come as words (it usually doesn't when it's really genuine) but it felt like a quick touch of my perception and it was like - "Do you really think I could do this, leave you?"

It was very matter-of-factly and it's hard to describe in words. But with the help of what you wrote I would translate it as an analogy like : someone covers your nose with his hand and you freak out because you think your nose is gone and you can't breathe. You suddenly cannot see your nose and don't know why and you think it's gone and you get sad and feel terribly lost. All the while you don't realize that you've been breathing through your nose the entire time.

The message was definitely not patronizing or anything, I would say it was very loving and just trying to point at something that was there. Like, child, you were just caught in the middle of a smoke grenade, it is not possible that I leave you, genuinely. In a totally pragmatical way too.

I think those of us who had a parent or a caretaker leave at some point have this crazy picture in our head due to this not-computable experience that this is in fact possible. That someone you love deeply and who you assume loves you deeply would actually be able to leave us for whatever thing and go so much against our best interest and our needs. As a small child it is usually not thinkable that this is even possible because we know oneness. Until something like this happens and then we think it is. I am having a very hard time unlearning this but I'm honestly thoroughly thankful that I have my faith even if it's rocky and that I have Jesus who seems to help even though I'm still wary oftentimes. And I'm mighty glad to have people like you who understand.

This is a long post but maybe it can help someone out there too. Thank you again. 💜

I feel like I should share this with y'all too because it might possibly help someone or show light from a different angle.

This recently came to me from God's Divine Clarity I believe.

It's about forgiveness because that is pretty hard for many people, it's hard for me too. So if you are very focused on the sh** a person has done to you, it can help to see that there will certainly be a point in their development where they will unsh** themselves, meaning they will have to heal and move beyond the version that they were that was so unconscious that it hurt you badly. I'm being cautious here, I only trust myself to try this idea on cases of emotional wounding at this point because I think there is a bit of a bigger chance to be willing to forgive that.

So forgiveness has to do with trusting God's word and trusting that He created humans in His image and likeness and He created us good. So we might trust that this is the reality that eventually everyone has to come back to simply because it is the only thing that's true. Only God's word truly matters. This is why we could trust that the person will eventually return to the truth, even if it takes them 50 more lifetimes to get there and they will move beyond the person that hurt you so badly. In that way, we see that this version of them that is hurting others is ultimately a transitory state and we can let go of the issue now or in 50 more lifetimes. That's mostly in relation to the issue of not getting an apology even though you totally deserve one.

This helped me a little to see that having faith in the possibility of the goodness of this person can help to overcome my pain and my hatred and my need for justice and stuff like that. And having faith in what God has said. Alternatively it can also be having faith in myself that there is a version of myself in the future that has overcome this and is genuinely able to hold no grudges over this and has forgiven the issue honestly. To me it was helpful to see that it is not a long-lasting or practical approach to keep holding onto a negative version of someone that is ultimately transitory and *will* dissolve. I can just as well move on to a different approach to get what I want in order to be free.

Maybe this helps you or if it doesn't speak to you, then I hope some other angle or approach will. May we all find healing, God bless you and me. 😊

What a Christmas time this year. 😵🥴 I know we're all struggling but I just need to let it out.

I had been looking forward to this year's Christmas time all year, really! But now it's 4 days till Christmas and I'm sitting here, listening to the rain outside and feeling very exhausted and just meh. I'm down with some kind of the flu, I received my social benefits only today (I applied at the beginning of November and should've gotten it at least on December 1st) so I wasn't able to buy any presents so far, I hope I can still get something for my mother. The money I've received is way less than it was supposed to be, I'll have to deal with this again after Christmas. I'm so exhausted from everything and I'm still waiting for my best friend, my boy cat, whom I love soooo, sooooooo much. He hasn't come home since November 19th and I've spent the last weeks looking for him. I still have hope, I'll be waiting for him and praying every day. 💗🐈💖 I love him soooooooooo much.

So yeah, I feel a little heavy at the moment, I'm only focusing on my fantasy worlds because that's where I can live the most. I'm trying to recover at the moment. I just feel sad a lot of the time. I want to live with more joy and more hopeful and I'm still trying to do this in the ways that I can right now. I just want things to get a bit better.

I'm grateful though that I have a roof over my head and that I'm warm while outside it's cold and rainy. I'm really, really grateful that I have my mom and that she loves me. ♡ And I'm grateful that we at least were able to buy a Christmas tree and most likely also a goose for Christmas. I'm grateful for the "Harry Potter"-books, which are an immensely great gift to me and I see more and more how great of a gift they are! 💗📗 And I'm grateful for the most wonderful Old Hollywood movies and for Winnie Pooh. Those are things that I really love. 💖🐻

I hope there are better things ahead next year, this year was so hard. So many of my friends have had a terribly hard year and so many are struggling. I'm trying to not give up on life and see the divine, holy worth in living in itself. I want to believe that it's sacred to be alive and that I can open my heart to it. May God bless us all and may the goodness of God be so visible to us all around, that everything else pales in comparison and is less important. May we feel God's glory regardless of the circumstances! 🌠💛🌟🙏🏼

Hey there, as a reminder and because I have to remind myself of that a lot too - God loves you exactly as you are. No ifs, no buts no nothing. He loves you exactly as you are with all the good things and all the bad things and He doesn't have to think twice about it, no matter what you do. I know this sounds very radical. Of course He doesn't want you to hurt yourself or others and He wants you to see the truth eventually but He is fine with what is. There is nothing about you that He doesn't love. The stuff that you think is bad about you, He loves fully. And the only thing we can do in this respect is come into alignment with His love, the truth. Because contrary to popular opinion, nothing gets genuinely better if you reject it or shame it or try to hate it away. A) it doesn't go anywhere, just out of sight and B) if you were also able to love the thing that is "bad" about you, the destructive behaviour of it would stop.

I know extremely well how impossible that can seem sometimes when you have something about you that seems unsalvageable and that other people dislike too. But the real healing comes when you love it as it is and don't love it "so it goes away". When you start loving it just the way it is, it stops going down in terrible patterns on its own. And it doesn't have to be the hugest step, just doing one thing that feels more loving than before is already doing so much. If you just have one action that is a little more loving towards that one aspect of yourself, that is enough to do it step by step. You don't have to find the big all encompassing solution to it all.

God has no resistance to you. I'm still trying to understand that but genuinely He loves every part of you exactly as you are and without needing it to change. It's not like He has to wake up in the morning and think really hard how He could love you now that you have done xyz. He created you, He loves you completely because you exist and even that is an understatement, His love doesn't even need a reason. But just when you find yourself judging yourself again for something in order to be "good", just notice and remember that God is able to love this and if you find love for it too, it comes back to the original peace and release. Best wishes and blessings to you all. 🙏🏼💚

Hey there, as a reminder and because I have to remind myself of that a lot too - God loves you exactly as you are. No ifs, no buts no nothing. He loves you exactly as you are with all the good things and all the bad things and He doesn't have to think twice about it, no matter what you do. I know this sounds very radical. Of course He doesn't want you to hurt yourself or others and He wants you to see the truth eventually but He is fine with what is. There is nothing about you that He doesn't love. The stuff that you think is bad about you, He loves fully. And the only thing we can do in this respect is come into alignment with His love, the truth. Because contrary to popular opinion, nothing gets genuinely better if you reject it or shame it or try to hate it away. A) it doesn't go anywhere, just out of sight and B) if you were also able to love the thing that is "bad" about you, the destructive behaviour of it would stop.

I know extremely well how impossible that can seem sometimes when you have something about you that seems unsalvageable and that other people dislike too. But the real healing comes when you love it as it is and don't love it "so it goes away". When you start loving it just the way it is, it stops going down in terrible patterns on its own. And it doesn't have to be the hugest step, just doing one thing that feels more loving than before is already doing so much. If you just have one action that is a little more loving towards that one aspect of yourself, that is enough to do it step by step. You don't have to find the big all encompassing solution to it all.

God has no resistance to you. I'm still trying to understand that but genuinely He loves every part of you exactly as you are and without needing it to change. It's not like He has to wake up in the morning and think really hard how He could love you now that you have done xyz. He created you, He loves you completely because you exist and even that is an understatement, His love doesn't even need a reason. But just when you find yourself judging yourself again for something in order to be "good", just notice and remember that God is able to love this and if you find love for it too, it comes back to the original peace and release. Best wishes and blessings to you all. 🙏🏼💚