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⚜On the wings of the night amidst the stars ⚜

@darkness-holds-eternal-light / darkness-holds-eternal-light.tumblr.com

I follow Jesus Christ ✝️. I'm 33 years old. I am currently doing the "Bible in a Year", would you like to be prayer buddies? I am a woman rooted in and moving ever more towards traditionalism. 🌻 Slytherin House. 💚🐍 I'm very much into spirituality, it is the natural development when dealing with trauma. 🌱 I love languages and history and nature and learning about people. I'm a fan of many things, books and art and stories. And there is so much more, feel free if you want to ask. 💖
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Also irgendwie...manchmal verstehe ich die Leute einfach nicht. Ich hatte mich darauf gefreut, endlich mal die Folgen "Harry Podcast" nachzugucken. Aber es ist eben zur Zeit leider fast nichts einfach. Ich vermisse die Zeiten sehr, als man mit HP viel Spaß haben und sich untereinander austauschen konnte. Ich vermisse die Zeiten, als man einfach die Filme angucken konnte, ohne mit den m*sonic structures auf der Welt konfrontiert zu sein. Als es einfach freudvoll war.

Und ich wollte so gern ein bisschen lustigen Podcast angucken aber die erste Szene, wo Snape im "Stein der Weisen" auftaucht und Coldmirror/Kaddi fährt das volle Programm auf, Snape als "nice guy" und die üblichen Verurteilungen und Entwertungen. Gerade sie war doch immer so ein großer Snape-Fan!? Aber in diesen Kreisen (FUNK, wen wundert's) gehört das offenbar alles zum guten Ton. Ich verstehe das nicht, wie kann man einen so komplexen und unorthodoxen Charakter so gezielt missinterpretieren und verzerren? Vermutlich das Gleiche wie bei J. K. Rowling.

Also jedenfalls kann ich mir das so nicht weiter angucken, es ist einfach so nicht wahr. Es gibt doch bestimmt noch mehr Menschen als nur mich, die ein paar Dinge über unerwiderte Liebe wissen und sich nicht mit solchen Flachinterpretationen zufriedengeben. Snape ist unheimlich komplex und das ist auch anstrengend, weil so vieles so polarisiert ist. Aber wenn man ein bisschen die Fähigkeit hat, sich da hineinzuversetzen, dann fühlt man doch dass er ehrlichen Herzens gehandelt hat und in vielerlei Hinsicht von innen bis zum Rand verzehrt war von Sehnsucht und einem gewaltigen Schrei nach Freiheit und Erlösung. Das negiert nicht die negativen Dinge, die er getan hat, es ist auch richtig, diese zu beleuchten. Aber es missachtet auch nicht seinen ganzen Entwicklungsweg und seine charakterliche Tiefe und Ehrlichkeit.

Also ich weiß nicht, das scheint wohl jeder anders zu empfinden aber ich will auch teilweise nicht mehr verstehen, was sich die Leute da für Schlammschlachten liefern und was in den Communities für Meinungen herrschen. Ich möchte mich lieber mal wieder über das Magische und das Zauberhafte freuen, möglicherweise muss ich dazu tatsächlich einen ganz anderen Weg einschlagen.

@cirillacroft Ich bin dir wirklich dankbar für deinen Einwurf, da komme ich mir gar nicht so alleine vor! Das Klima hat sich irgendwie in vielerlei Hinsicht dolle gedreht und da bleiben natürlich auch solche Dinge nicht davon verschont. Gut zu wissen, dass es in den neueren Podcasts dann offenbar noch unangenehmer ist. Die Folge, die ich angefangen hatte zu gucken, war noch von vor 4 Jahren, glaube ich, aber ich war einfach schockiert, dass sie plötzlich über ihren früheren Lieblingscharakter solches negativ verzerrtes Zeug erzählte. Naja, jetzt weiß ich ja, dass das nicht für mich passt. Es ist aber nett, dass du Snape eher was Mitfühlendes abgewinnen kannst. ;)

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Also irgendwie...manchmal verstehe ich die Leute einfach nicht. Ich hatte mich darauf gefreut, endlich mal die Folgen "Harry Podcast" nachzugucken. Aber es ist eben zur Zeit leider fast nichts einfach. Ich vermisse die Zeiten sehr, als man mit HP viel Spaß haben und sich untereinander austauschen konnte. Ich vermisse die Zeiten, als man einfach die Filme angucken konnte, ohne mit den m*sonic structures auf der Welt konfrontiert zu sein. Als es einfach freudvoll war.

Und ich wollte so gern ein bisschen lustigen Podcast angucken aber die erste Szene, wo Snape im "Stein der Weisen" auftaucht und Coldmirror/Kaddi fährt das volle Programm auf, Snape als "nice guy" und die üblichen Verurteilungen und Entwertungen. Gerade sie war doch immer so ein großer Snape-Fan!? Aber in diesen Kreisen (FUNK, wen wundert's) gehört das offenbar alles zum guten Ton. Ich verstehe das nicht, wie kann man einen so komplexen und unorthodoxen Charakter so gezielt missinterpretieren und verzerren? Vermutlich das Gleiche wie bei J. K. Rowling.

Also jedenfalls kann ich mir das so nicht weiter angucken, es ist einfach so nicht wahr. Es gibt doch bestimmt noch mehr Menschen als nur mich, die ein paar Dinge über unerwiderte Liebe wissen und sich nicht mit solchen Flachinterpretationen zufriedengeben. Snape ist unheimlich komplex und das ist auch anstrengend, weil so vieles so polarisiert ist. Aber wenn man ein bisschen die Fähigkeit hat, sich da hineinzuversetzen, dann fühlt man doch dass er ehrlichen Herzens gehandelt hat und in vielerlei Hinsicht von innen bis zum Rand verzehrt war von Sehnsucht und einem gewaltigen Schrei nach Freiheit und Erlösung. Das negiert nicht die negativen Dinge, die er getan hat, es ist auch richtig, diese zu beleuchten. Aber es missachtet auch nicht seinen ganzen Entwicklungsweg und seine charakterliche Tiefe und Ehrlichkeit.

Also ich weiß nicht, das scheint wohl jeder anders zu empfinden aber ich will auch teilweise nicht mehr verstehen, was sich die Leute da für Schlammschlachten liefern und was in den Communities für Meinungen herrschen. Ich möchte mich lieber mal wieder über das Magische und das Zauberhafte freuen, möglicherweise muss ich dazu tatsächlich einen ganz anderen Weg einschlagen.

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Also irgendwie...manchmal verstehe ich die Leute einfach nicht. Ich hatte mich darauf gefreut, endlich mal die Folgen "Harry Podcast" nachzugucken. Aber es ist eben zur Zeit leider fast nichts einfach. Ich vermisse die Zeiten sehr, als man mit HP viel Spaß haben und sich untereinander austauschen konnte. Ich vermisse die Zeiten, als man einfach die Filme angucken konnte, ohne mit den m*sonic structures auf der Welt konfrontiert zu sein. Als es einfach freudvoll war.

Und ich wollte so gern ein bisschen lustigen Podcast angucken aber die erste Szene, wo Snape im "Stein der Weisen" auftaucht und Coldmirror/Kaddi fährt das volle Programm auf, Snape als "nice guy" und die üblichen Verurteilungen und Entwertungen. Gerade sie war doch immer so ein großer Snape-Fan!? Aber in diesen Kreisen (FUNK, wen wundert's) gehört das offenbar alles zum guten Ton. Ich verstehe das nicht, wie kann man einen so komplexen und unorthodoxen Charakter so gezielt missinterpretieren und verzerren? Vermutlich das Gleiche wie bei J. K. Rowling.

Also jedenfalls kann ich mir das so nicht weiter angucken, es ist einfach so nicht wahr. Es gibt doch bestimmt noch mehr Menschen als nur mich, die ein paar Dinge über unerwiderte Liebe wissen und sich nicht mit solchen Flachinterpretationen zufriedengeben. Snape ist unheimlich komplex und das ist auch anstrengend, weil so vieles so polarisiert ist. Aber wenn man ein bisschen die Fähigkeit hat, sich da hineinzuversetzen, dann fühlt man doch dass er ehrlichen Herzens gehandelt hat und in vielerlei Hinsicht von innen bis zum Rand verzehrt war von Sehnsucht und einem gewaltigen Schrei nach Freiheit und Erlösung. Das negiert nicht die negativen Dinge, die er getan hat, es ist auch richtig, diese zu beleuchten. Aber es missachtet auch nicht seinen ganzen Entwicklungsweg und seine charakterliche Tiefe und Ehrlichkeit.

Also ich weiß nicht, das scheint wohl jeder anders zu empfinden aber ich will auch teilweise nicht mehr verstehen, was sich die Leute da für Schlammschlachten liefern und was in den Communities für Meinungen herrschen. Ich möchte mich lieber mal wieder über das Magische und das Zauberhafte freuen, möglicherweise muss ich dazu tatsächlich einen ganz anderen Weg einschlagen.

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You deserve to be looked at kindly.

Not just lustfully, not just like you could be useful to other people or like you could be nice to be around or like someone could gain something from you, no. You deserve to be looked at kindly because you exist. God didn't just think you could be useful or necessary for something, He specifically wanted you that's the only reason why He made you.

You deserve to be looked at kindly when you are angry and when you are sad, when you are happy and giddy in the middle of a tedious supermarket errand and when you are grumpy on a flowery summer day. You deserve to be looked at kindly because you are.

I know full well how hard this all is in day to day life and in day to day interactions between all kinds of people. But I'll hold onto that stream of light and believe that you and I deserve to be looked at with kindness always. Even when we mess up, even when we aren't making other people comfortable. God loves each and every one of us like we are His only child because each of us is just as precious. And He loves us all the same. 💗

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I have watched the X-files episode "Fight Club" yesterday, it was pretty great and it's been a long time since I had seen it last time.

I have noticed a couple of things but one thing I found very intriguing and beautiful is how you can basically feel how Mulders spirit or presence somehow just extends over Scully protectively. I found that very interesting and maybe you can see it in season 7 more than in the earlier seasons but if you're a bit empathic/ energy sensitive, you notice how she's under his care and his watch even if he's not physically touching her. It's a very grounded and reassuring feeling and I completely understand why she would gladly hold onto it. That's two people who have spent a lot of time together intimately (and I'm not speaking of this in a sexual sense). They just have a real deep connection with lots of unspoken kinship. I think that might be between the actors too, that chemistry they had right from the beginning and what David described as "somehow joined at some significant level forever". It's a big part of why people feel so attracted and touched by their relationship and interaction on and off screen, I believe. Although they definitely have this dynamic most when they come together as Mulder and Scully. 👫

It is perceivable to a certain extent in the pilot here already:

I wish I had some decent screen captures where I could show exactly what I mean but I just have a variety of photos here that might be able to illustrate a little bit what I mean. I'm sure some of my fellow X-files fans might feel what I'm trying to convey. 😉

You can see it most when Scully is speaking to or interacting with someone else. It's like there is this certainty in the air that she does whatever she does and he lets her do her thing freely. But it is also implicitly clear that if anyone oversteps or does anything that could hurt her, he's not going to wait a second to break people's kneecaps.

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You know, I love pictures like that. When I see it, I immediately think that she's part of a very special tribe from the coasts of a mildly exotic continent and they wear corals as a symbol for their close and sacred relationship with the sea. 🌊❤ She knows the old mystic stories of the deep sea and her people, which have been passed down through the generations since ancient times.

I already have fanfiction in my head about this partly, I'd only have to tap into this but the writing...the writing! 😩 I just wanna read it! 🤓🤩😁

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You deserve to be looked at kindly.

Not just lustfully, not just like you could be useful to other people or like you could be nice to be around or like someone could gain something from you, no. You deserve to be looked at kindly because you exist. God didn't just think you could be useful or necessary for something, He specifically wanted you that's the only reason why He made you.

You deserve to be looked at kindly when you are angry and when you are sad, when you are happy and giddy in the middle of a tedious supermarket errand and when you are grumpy on a flowery summer day. You deserve to be looked at kindly because you are.

I know full well how hard this all is in day to day life and in day to day interactions between all kinds of people. But I'll hold onto that stream of light and believe that you and I deserve to be looked at with kindness always. Even when we mess up, even when we aren't making other people comfortable. God loves each and every one of us like we are His only child because each of us is just as precious. And He loves us all the same. 💗

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I guess we all are at this point but I'm really tired of people. People in general and most people on Tumblr. I'm not here for performative Christianity but that is the horizon of most here on Tumblr, show how Christian you are and we may accept you. And I've tried but I'll never fit in. And I have no interest in the harshness and rigidity of this approach, I have unfollowed most of them even though I find much of their content very interesting and thought-provoking. But almost every single one of them treats me like I can't be touched with a ten foot pole, ghosts me, avoids me, ignores me. I want to belong too, be brothers and sisters in Christ, but I can't.

I'm sad about that but there is no point in trying to belong to people that don't even acknowledge my existence. So there's no community for me there and no interest in me as a human being. I was made by God too and I have the same value as anyone else, I owe it to my words to at least not waste them on people who don't talk to me.

Basically all of my interests are great for me as a person but I'm always too this or too that for any group, too spiritual for the Christians, too conservative for the left-leaning folks, too weird for the various fan circles, the only one that worked for a small amount of time was the Old Hollywood fan circle. That is such a great hobby to have, by the way, the Silver Screen era. :) I'm sure God doesn't find me too anything, He knows exactly how He made me and He wanted just that. Like Lord - I'm really trying here, could you please help make my existence here among people a little more worth living? Please!

Anyways, I think that maybe taking a considerable break from Tumblr would be a good idea. I'll ponder that for the next days and I'll make a post once I log off.

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You deserve to be looked at kindly.

Not just lustfully, not just like you could be useful to other people or like you could be nice to be around or like someone could gain something from you, no. You deserve to be looked at kindly because you exist. God didn't just think you could be useful or necessary for something, He specifically wanted you that's the only reason why He made you.

You deserve to be looked at kindly when you are angry and when you are sad, when you are happy and giddy in the middle of a tedious supermarket errand and when you are grumpy on a flowery summer day. You deserve to be looked at kindly because you are.

I know full well how hard this all is in day to day life and in day to day interactions between all kinds of people. But I'll hold onto that stream of light and believe that you and I deserve to be looked at with kindness always. Even when we mess up, even when we aren't making other people comfortable. God loves each and every one of us like we are His only child because each of us is just as precious. And He loves us all the same. 💗

Avatar

You deserve to be looked at kindly.

Not just lustfully, not just like you could be useful to other people or like you could be nice to be around or like someone could gain something from you, no. You deserve to be looked at kindly because you exist. God didn't just think you could be useful or necessary for something, He specifically wanted you that's the only reason why He made you.

You deserve to be looked at kindly when you are angry and when you are sad, when you are happy and giddy in the middle of a tedious supermarket errand and when you are grumpy on a flowery summer day. You deserve to be looked at kindly because you are.

I know full well how hard this all is in day to day life and in day to day interactions between all kinds of people. But I'll hold onto that stream of light and believe that you and I deserve to be looked at with kindness always. Even when we mess up, even when we aren't making other people comfortable. God loves each and every one of us like we are His only child because each of us is just as precious. And He loves us all the same. 💗

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Well, this certainly seems like a very nice blog.

Honestly, if anything I find it extremely sad that it's still soooooo easy to trigger people by setting an impulse and it does not take 10 seconds until everybody is at each other's throats. I get anger and powerlessness but how did it become so easy for people to wish death upon each other? And believe themselves the good guys for it?

There are some general boundaries in interacting with people in general, no matter the issue.

I know I have to be mindful of those traps too but I see that the sweet and beautiful things like crocheting a sweet little something together with other people gets completely trampled by whatever we think we have to fight each other over. And not so many people realize that it's their version of reality that brings us to the point of violence. We're taught tunnel-vision so convincingly that we don't even notice it. We have to become able to take care of our own emotions, projections and stories that we believe in to solve our collective problems. You either learn that or you become even more stuck in the bondage of people who thrive upon your hatred, ignorance and despair and use it for their interests. That is not safe for anybody. I'm just very sad about this development and I was honestly just so touched by the duck. Which I determine still stands, no matter the ongoing fight around it. There's no need to discredit what's beautiful and innocent in this world. 🦆

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I really hate that almost all sense of community on this Earth depends on how well you can suppress yourself.

Why would I want to share my time and energy with people who are merely looking for a performative addition to their circle? Performative existence is what makes leftist groups so insufferable and mind you, dangerous. Why would we perpetuate this kind of unsustainable communal pattern? Can't we at least try to understand each other before we forcefully expect a certain cohesive behaviour?

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On days that are particularly difficult, like today, I'm just sooooo glad that "The X-files" is out there for comfort. 💜

And I'm especially thankful that Scully is canonically Catholic ✝️🛐 , that is honestly such a relief to me and I have someone I really love and esteem to relate to in matters of faith. 👩🏻‍🦰🧡 She's just wonderful and in my head we can go to Church together and talk about God. 💒🙏🏼🌌

My God, I'm so thankful for her. 😊

(Back as a teenager I actually had a cross necklace similar to Scully's just because I wanted to be like her and look like her so badly. I still have it somewhere. 😉 Feels like God was with me and maybe even protecting me in that way. A girl can hope. 🙂)

I really feel that having Scully as a role model while growing up has protected me in many ways and has made navigating certain aspects of life a lot easier. I feel like I've learnt some parts about humility from her too.

For some areas in life I definitely need to find better solutions than she did. But her strong example continues to help me move through the hardships of life upright.

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On days that are particularly difficult, like today, I'm just sooooo glad that "The X-files" is out there for comfort. 💜

And I'm especially thankful that Scully is canonically Catholic ✝️🛐 , that is honestly such a relief to me and I have someone I really love and esteem to relate to in matters of faith. 👩🏻‍🦰🧡 She's just wonderful and in my head we can go to Church together and talk about God. 💒🙏🏼🌌

My God, I'm so thankful for her. 😊

(Back as a teenager I actually had a cross necklace similar to Scully's just because I wanted to be like her and look like her so badly. I still have it somewhere. 😉 Feels like God was with me and maybe even protecting me in that way. A girl can hope. 🙂)

Avatar

On days that are particularly difficult, like today, I'm just sooooo glad that "The X-files" is out there for comfort. 💜

And I'm especially thankful that Scully is canonically Catholic ✝️🛐 , that is honestly such a relief to me and I have someone I really love and esteem to relate to in matters of faith. 👩🏻‍🦰🧡 She's just wonderful and in my head we can go to Church together and talk about God. 💒🙏🏼🌌

My God, I'm so thankful for her. 😊

(Back as a teenager I actually had a cross necklace similar to Scully's just because I wanted to be like her and look like her so badly. I still have it somewhere. 😉 Feels like God was with me and maybe even protecting me in that way. A girl can hope. 🙂)

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