Whoever reads this, I hope something beautiful happens to you soon.
I hope you know that you are loved and that God thinks good things about you all the time, even when you think you've messed up so bad, there is NOTHING that changes God's love for you. You are loved every second of your life and your existence. God KNOWS you, He has no reason to think anything bad about you. He knows you better than your own judgements against yourself. He has no judgement against you, you are His beloved son, His beloved daughter, He will love you forever and forever and even longer than that.
I wish you peace and love and so much gentleness and kindness and mercy. 💚 Amen.