⚜On the wings of the night amidst the stars ⚜

I might have to pull back from my X-files stuff again, this isn't working. I'm 33 years old now and unfortunately things don't work as they used to and I'm not 18 anymore. As much as I love the series, I can't unsee what I've had to learn during the last decade. Both the darker stuff about the shit actors and musicians and people in the media are involved in, which I can't pretend away and the simple fact that we've all grown up without seeing healthy relationships.

I don't mean to spoil anybody's fun, so just scroll away if you don't like this post, I don't want to hurt anybody.

I can't see stuff the way I did 10 years ago unfortunately and I'm not doing myself any favours if I fangirl over Mulder&Scully's relationship like I did back in the day. I have no doubt at all about their love for each other but this is such an unhealthy relationship and I have first hand and secondhand experience of what it actually feels like to take the toll of a man's inability to get his shit together and of subjecting women to engage with and cleaning up his mess. Mulder is not a partner that I would support any woman to have and it's not romantic to live in the flying debris of his existence. Scully didn't get any of the things she wanted in her life and a lot of pain in exchange for her devotion and commitment. Stay away from weak men. Scully deserved better.

So I've watched "Fire" again tonight, which is not my favourite episode. (I've never watched "3" by the way and I've been watching episodes of 'The X-files' for 20 years).

So anyways, it is a pretty cool episode in many ways but as probably everyone would agree, the British Inspector is extremely irritating and that kind of spoils the episode partially.

It feels heavy, not the usual cute and exciting X-files banter. But I genuinely don't want to put all the distaste on Phoebe Green even though there is a lot to say about this character. I'm most irritated by the mere fact that Agent Fox Mulder is unable to resist this woman's advances so easily. And by that I mean that it seems very easy for him to give into her and kiss her passionately. Same with "3" and same with Diana Fowley. I do not understand how Scully doesn't draw the line here with clarity and gets the heck out of this and most certainly I do not understand why Mulder is so inclined to lean into other women so easily. It's like Scully is completely out of the picture once these women show up. I don't actually care about what could be said in his defense here, I'm just very irritated and that's part of why I don't really like Mulder. You can't say you love and care for Scully deeply and then nibble at every tartlet that comes along. This is so incongruent.

I love the Brandenburgischen Konzerte, the Brandenburg Concertos. 😃😍🥰🎶

And not just because of Scully but yeah, also because of Scully. But they're just so good, this is just amazing, AMAZING music! 💚 I even lived in Brandenburg for a while, which is probably not a huge accomplishment since I'm German. ;) But Johann Sebastian Bach was actually Thomaskantor in my hometown. Which sounds so casual because we grow up with it and I've been to St. Thomas's Church so often (it was lovely last Christmas 🎄) but it actually is quite a wonderful thing. 😃😊

My favourite composer is and remains Georg Friedrich Händel, who ironically was born in our neighbouring town. 😄 His compositions are without rival though to me for sure! It was quite an epiphany when I finally actually discovered them as an adult when I understood what I was listening to. I should probably take my violin back up again, she's been resting in her case here with me. She's precious and wonderful. 💖🎻 Hah, music! 😩😀😊💜🎵

I got myself a UV light in order to decipher my old fanfiction because the ink is so faded in many parts that I simply didn't have a chance to retrieve the words otherwise. It works very well and it's so cool what you can do with a UV light otherwise! I feel so X-files, I feel so cool!!! 😁🕵🏼‍♀️ I should go into forensics! Seriously, this is thrilling!! 😃 Next I wanna get a set for taking fingerprints, I only need to find an actually decent one for adults. 👣

I would be a good profiler no doubt, I'm very good at getting into people's point of view. I just don't want to go so deep into crime. I remember very clearly how crazy Mulder gets when he has to dive into profiling cases. 😣😖

One more thing on the fandom front, especially for the X-files related stuff at the moment - I'm only here for the funny, cool and reasonable stuff. I still remember a fandom experience from 2004 and I do not wish to slide downhill with the current stuff. I don't want any of the oversexualization that gets projected onto Mulder&Scully as well, to me that's extremely distasteful. I want to enjoy those fantasy worlds, they don't have to reflect the crazy and deranged stuff from our current world. If you've seen my "Harry Potter"-posts, you might notice that this is my general stance. Heavy emotional subjects are not a problem and were part of "The X-files" back in the day too. But I'm definitely not indulging the perversion of those characters and fiction in general. Thank you for your respectfulness.

I love these little posts so much, I keep thinking about those little bits and cracking up during the day! 😁😂🤣

I learnt that actually @scullys-girl made these, thank you!

I can't not share these with you, they're hilarious! This is honestly so perfectly fitting for Mulder. 😁

I just found it and it's hilarious! 🤣 I learnt that these were actually made by @scullys-girl !

I think this is by far, BY FAR!!! The best capture of Mulder & Scully's relationship and their constant dynamic. The quotation is what I would most attribute to Mulder because that's basically what he did and founded the relationship on. But I would love to expand on the picture if anyone is interested. 😃😁☺️

Why is there so little 'Mulder protects/ saves Scully'-fanfiction, much less good ones!? I'm so tired of seeing pages upon pages of senseless smut-stories, I don't wanna read them! Why is there not pages upon pages of cool alternative episode stories or missing scenes!?!?? Why is the focus constantly on the snogging and the making out, this is exceedingly boring 90% of the time.

I can't understand why there aren't more people feeling the need to read something good about episodes like "The List" or "Detour" or "Gender Bender"??? There is so much space and potential to fill some missing scenes or take an interesting and different road plot-wise and explore that. I can't imagine I'm the only one who would love to read things like these. At least there are some nice Amish-Xfiles-fanfictions out there, that I personally like.

I've never liked Mulder that much and honestly I'm so grateful for that but that's a whole other story.

What I have to say is that I really truly appreciate his lines often and his voiceovers. Chris Carter has an extraordinary gift (at least back in the day it was great) for writing absolute poetry, gorgeous words, overwhelmingly beautiful stories and dialogues! I feel like I'm appreciating this more and more, maybe even appreciating this at all now that I'm in my 30s. The words are really out of this world even though they're the same as everyday language but they are able to transport it on a much higher level. And our German dubbing definitely makes it whole 90% of the time. Really good translation and wording that I still genuinely appreciate. 😍

"You kept me honest! You made me a whole person! Your damn strict rationalism and science has saved me a thousand times. I owe you everything. And Scully you owe me nothing."

(I know the exact quote is a bit different but this is what I remember in my head and honestly the depth of this all...I think that can only truly be delivered by those two characters and span continents and oceans with its soulful blast. It's so genuine and unique.)

I actually think it's beautiful that Director Skinner/ Mitch Pileggi had such a huge crush on Scully/ Gillian Anderson! It's so sweet and genuinely understandable! I find this whole story very sweet and it has so much to explore, it's really touching. I just had to say that because it moved me today. There's so much to talk and write about in this. 💕