27. Relapse

Warning: more angst, but also some smut

As the weeks went by, you found that while the pain didn’t lessen at all, it was becoming slightly easier to manage. At work you focused all of your energy on being the best teacher you could be, more than you ever had before, and when you weren’t working you were trying out every hobby you could think of. You avoided the TV like the plague after finding out the hard way that every streaming service you were subscribed to had at least one series or film starring your ex boyfriend. There was one night when you made the idiotic mistake of watching the first Thor movie, only to have a total breakdown as soon as Loki made his first appearance on screen.

What you couldn’t avoid, however, was seeing Emma and Annalise every day at work. At least with Emma, you just had to pretend you were fine for a few minutes at drop-off and pick-up. The hardest part was Anna. Why was it that it wasn’t until after the breakup that you truly noticed how much she resembled her uncle? She had the same curls, the same eyes, and the same smile that he did. You did your best not to treat her any differently than the other kids in your class, but your heart broke a little every time she looked at you. Occasionally she would mention her Uncle Tom and you would have to hide your face and blink back the tears starting to pool in your eyes.

Then one day, she said something about him that actually made you laugh. Your first instinct was to text him and tell him about it, but you didn’t know if you should. What if he hated you and never wanted to hear from you again? What if it reopened wounds that weren’t even barely starting to heal yet? Then again, what if talking to each other again was exactly what you needed to be able to heal properly; to learn how to just be friends again? You grappled with yourself all day over it until you were lying awake in bed, and by some stroke of either bravery or stupidity, you decided to text him.

Despite the inevitable tears that streaked across your face, you smiled to yourself as you set your phone down. Yes, it was awkward, and yes, he didn’t exactly seem ecstatic to hear from you, but at least for a moment it felt like normal again, giving you hope that maybe he could still be a part of your life, however small that part may be.

—————————————————————

As excited as Tom was to hear from you again, he attempted to play it cool. After all, it wasn’t like you were getting back together, you were just trying to reach out to him as a nice gesture— at least that was what he was going to tell himself.

Following your conversation, he decided he wouldn’t text you again unless you messaged him first. Given that he was now busy working again, he figured it was a reasonable goal. However, only a few days passed until he couldn’t resist any longer.

Tom was incredibly distracted through that evening’s rehearsal. Why did you still affect him like this? Eventually the director called it for the night, and Tom, not wanting to go home just yet, invited everyone to go out for drinks.

———————————————————-

Your conversation with Tom that day made you annoyingly giddy. You had to keep reminding yourself that this was supposed to be you and Tom salvaging your friendship, and nothing more. After about an hour of trying not to think too hard about it, you conceded to having a few beers while attempting to take another stab at your latest hobby for a distraction. Four beers and three crochet tutorials later, you got a text from none other than the man from whom you were trying to distract yourself.

You were in the middle of typing that you were glad he was getting home safely when you heard a knock on your door. Your heart stopped. It couldn’t be…

You opened the door, and Tom grabbed your face and kissed you, desperately. Your mind went blank in an instant as you wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him back with the same desperation. It was sloppy and rough, and you both smelled like alcohol, but you didn’t care. You quickly rid him of his shirt and he did the same for you, immediately grabbing your tits as you hadn’t been wearing a bra. Then he lifted your legs up, hooked them around his waist, and carried you to the sofa. He laid you down on your back and pulled your shorts and panties off as quickly as he could before settling between your legs and kissing and biting your neck. You threaded your fingers into his hair and moaned into his ear. He sat up briefly to pull his erection out of his pants, then lined himself up with your dripping pussy while he brought his face back down to yours. He kissed you hard on the lips as he pushed his cock into you, causing you to gasp into his mouth. His thrusts were hard and fast, slamming into you while you both gasped and moaned. It didn’t take long at all before you felt your climax crash over you. “Oh fuck, baby! Oh god, yes!” you cried. He moaned your name in response and you felt his cock throb as he came deep inside of you.

You stayed like that for a moment, both panting, with his forehead pressed to yours, his eyes closed. “Fuck,” he huffed as he pulled out of you and quickly stood up and tucked himself back into his pants. You sat up and looked at him concerned.

“Tom,” is all you said. You honestly didn’t know what to say.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t do this,” he said quietly, not looking at you.

“I know,” you replied timidly. “We shouldn’t have let this happen.”

He picked up his shirt and put it on, still not looking at you. “I don’t just mean the sex,Y/N. I need to get over you, and I can’t do that if we keep talking like we have been.”

Your eyes began to sting as they welled up with tears. “But I need you in my life, Tom, even if it’s just a text here and there. I can’t lose you so completely like that.”

He was halfway to the door when he stopped and looked over his shoulder, but his eyes still didn’t meet yours. “And I can’t keep letting you break my heart over and over like this.” And with that, he left.

darkacademicfrom2021

How dare you give me hope and take it away so suddenly like that 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 I swear these two are going to kill me. They need to get it together!!

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darkacademicfrom2021 reblogged

lindsey-laufeyson

Texts from Tom Hiddleston

Masterlist

26. Aftermath

As the sun came up on Sunday morning, mere hours after his final text to you, Tom simply stared out the window from where he lay in bed. For the second night in a row, he hadn’t slept. Bobby jumped up onto the bed and nudged Tom’s arm with his nose, hoping to go for a run.

“Sorry, old boy. Not today,” Tom said flatly, tears rolling down his face. Bobby simply laid down next to him, letting out a small whine as he did so. Tom turned onto his back and stared at the ceiling. He had no idea how he was going to get through this. He’d been through many breakups before, but none of them felt like this. His chest felt like it might crack in half, he had no interest in eating despite hardly eating anything the day before, and just getting out of bed felt like a monumental task. When his phone chirped on the bedside table, he jumped and grabbed it as fast as he could, hoping it was you. It wasn’t. When he saw it was a group message from his sisters, he almost turned his phone off, not wanting to talk to anyone, but he knew that if he didn’t respond, they might come looking for him, and he just couldn’t bear to be around anyone today.

So it was settled. Today he would wallow in self-pity, and tomorrow he would force himself to get out of bed, call his agent, and get back to work— the only thing he could think of that could possibly distract him from the pain of losing you.

—————————————————————

You called in sick to work that Monday. Seeing as though you hadn’t slept in days and you couldn’t stop crying, you didn’t think it would be wise to be supervising small children. You also wanted to give yourself one more day to prepare yourself for seeing Emma and Annalise, because the next time you saw them you had to pretend that you hadn’t just shattered your own heart over Emma’s very own brother— that you hadn’t just shattered his as well.

Fuck. You didn’t know what was killing you more, the fact that you couldn’t be with him, or the memory of his face when you first told him that you needed to end things. You were in constant conflict with yourself. You would find yourself wanting to take it back, thinking nothing was worth this excruciating pain, but then reminding yourself that it was for the best, for the sake of him, for his family, as well as for your job. The pain would pass. God, you hoped it would pass. You didn’t know how long you could take it…

It wasn’t long after you called in sick that Chelsea texted you.

You were never more thankful that Chelsea knew about you and Tom than in that moment. You didn’t know how you would get through this without some help.

darkacademicfrom2021

I love the sibling bickering lmao

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