All flavours of wrong (part 2)
Pairing: Loki x Reader (gender neutral)
Summary: After falling for the wrong prince, you have to make the biggest and most difficult decision you’ve ever had. Would you let down thousands of people for the sake of just one?
Warnings: Implied sex, angst, death, fire.
“Oh, dear Gods”, he groaned in your neck, holding your whole body against his. You grabbed his hair gently, yet with a strong grip. Sinking his nose in your collarbones, he left a trace of kisses that left your skin burning red.
It was nearly six in the morning, and the Sun was about to welcome a new day. You and your lover did nothing but intoxicate in each other’s bodies the entirety of the night, in the hopes that nobody would hear you. He said he put a silence spell, but you were sure he didn’t. He, as much as he wanted you to have an assured future, couldn’t help but try to sabotage your upcoming marriage.
You’d get married to Thor in twenty four hours, and there you were. Holding back moans in his brother’s ear. That thought brought you back to reality and you pushed him away. He took a step back and looked at you with concern.
“Is everything alright? You didn’t like that?”. His voice was still in that same seductive and half groaning tone he got you easily naked with, but he sensed something was wrong.
“No. I mean. Yes, but no”.
“You’ll have to be more specific, darling”.
“I’m… I’m sorry. We can’t. I can’t”, you stuttered, and walked away while quickly finishing getting dressed and fixing your hair. He put a hand in your back, as if asking you to stay.
“Dear, talk to me”. You didn’t turn your back to him, not just yet. “Please”.
“Tomorrow’s wedding day. And after that, coronation. We can’t keep on doing this”.
He stayed silent, and put away the hand from your back. That made you finally turn and watch his expressions. He was hurt. But blinked fast, swallowed hard and drew a tiny smile.
“I understand”, he said, after a while. “You don’t want to see me again”, and before you could answer, he added “not like this, anyways”. You sighed. The last thing you wanted was to lose him. He felt like the right thing to do.
He nodded in agreement and lowered his gaze. You tried to reach for his hands, but he moved them away.
“Before your future husband awakes and you’re not there”.
“Loki, please, don’t get…”.
“You know why I’m doing this”.
“Yes. I know why. I just don’t get how you can actually get it done. I thought… I thought you would finally make the right decision”.
You lowered your head and inhaled a deep breath. You couldn’t look him in the eye and say that. But you had to say it. It was the best, for both of you. Actually, only for you.
“I am making the right decision. That’s the point”.
He would’ve scoffed if a stinging pain in his chest wouldn’t have stopped him to do so. Heartbroken, what a cliché, he thought.
Of course his brother would win him over everything. He got even angrier at himself; for falling for you. For allowing himself to think for even a fraction of a second that he could have possibly had a chance with you. That you would be different from everything he ever lost to his brother. But you were no different from everything else.
He wanted to fight for you, but he saw the look in your eyes. The fight was lost. You made a decision, and it was the right one for you.
His thoughts started to eat him alive. What if you didn’t actually love him? What if you merely desired his touch, since his brother was uninterested in you? Or worse, what if you just wanted one last wrong thing to do, the mischievous spark that needed to be lit off, having a fling with the useless brother? Why did he think you would be any different from everyone else?
You noticed his mind was going to dark places, and tried to reach for his hands once again. He was so immersed in his head he didn’t pull them away again. You held them tight and reassured him with a loving look that it was not what he thought.
“I love you, Loki”. You said. He tried to run away from his own head, but the thoughts were still there. He tried to respond sweetly, but he knew it would only come off as harshly. Because that’s just how he was; mean. Evil. Unworthy of your love and everything he would’ve ever wanted.
“Why would you say that just now? And why would you say it while you leave me?”.
“Because I want you to know, I truly love you. I’m not leaving because you’re wrong for me. I’m leaving because…”.
“Because, given the circumstances, I am, in fact, wrong for you”.
“If you’re gonna leave, then leave. Don’t make this act to pretend like you care”.
He immediately regretted saying this, and you sensed it. You stepped closer and slowly raised your hands. He didn’t flinch, nor moved away, so you allowed yourself to cup his face in your hands. He was cold, in every sense of the word. His eyes showed how hurt he actually was, but a poker face tried to hide it away, building the typical wall of stone he built around his heart. Your chest hurt; you didn’t think you’d be yet another person he’d have to be like that to. You hurt him and that was going to haunt you for the rest of your life.
“I care for you. I care. I love you, and I care. I wish I had a better choice, but I don’t”.
“You have a better choice”.
“This is the best. We will be better off like this”.
He raised a finger and corrected you:
You stayed in silence, and finally let his face go. You allowed the tears to run down your face.
“Yes, I will. I’m sorry”.
“Farewell. And congratulations on your wedding”, he said coldly, and smiled sadly before disappearing behind a halo of green lights.
What did you even want him to stop leaving for? It didn’t matter, for he was gone.
“You look stunning”, said Sif, entering your room. The maids were helping you get ready with all the ceremonial things you had to take care of. Too many of them focused on your looks. Apparently, it mattered so much for the Asgardian citizens for his next King to be married to, basically, a mannequin. Gods, you were barely able to move.
“It’s the makeup, maybe too much”.
“Too much of everything, I’m so tired of this. Can’t it be a little… less? Of everything”.
“I’m sorry, friend. But you’re marrying the prince, that’s just how things are in the Palace”.
“Can’t I marry in my warrior clothes? You’ll be dressed the same!”, you joked. Sif laughed sadly. She knew how little you wanted to do this. She has known you your whole life, fought with you every battle. Except this last one.
“The point is you’re not dressed the same as someone else”.
You started taking off your makeup, and Sif immediately stopped you.
“Hey, remember why you’re doing this”.
You sighed and tears formed in the corner of your eyes. She pulled you out of your chair and hugged you tightly. I definitely needed a hug, you though.
“Yes, I… think I’m just stressed. My head is everywhere”, you lied. Sif knew exactly what troubled you.
“I think your head is only in one place, and that’s the problem”.
You looked at her with a sad smile. A smile that showed her just how much you wanted to throw everything away and go with your lover. But you needed this, and so did the thousands of people that counted on you becoming the King’s companion.
“Is it truly a problem?”.
“It is. You need to get your life together, and out of him. He’s only gonna bring you more worries in your life”.
You were sure Sif was not seeing in him what you did, but you couldn’t say anything. And maybe… maybe she was right. Maybe it was a troubled life you would be expecting if you ran away with the wrong prince.
“You’re right. I’m… I’m gonna suck it up for once. And not do what I please. I’m marrying Thor and wearing the Crown, that’s the plan. The best plan”.
“The perfect plan, dear”, added Sif.
“What plan?”, asked Queen Frigga, getting into your room. You got startled and laughed nervously.
“No plan, I mean, the only plan. The marriage”, you stuttered. Sif laughed obnoxiously, trying to cover your doubts.
“They’s just nervous about the wedding, don’t worry about it”.
“I worry about everything, my darlings”, said Frigga with her usual grace. She put a strand of your hair away from your face and asked one of the maids to fix your corset. “That’s why everything turns out alright at the end”.
“And in the meantime, is it chaos?”.
“A controlled chaos”, she said without blinking.
“How do you control chaos, my Queen?”.
“You expect it, and then you overcome it”. You sat on her words a little, and then she added “how much from yours are we expecting in the next hours?”.
“I love your Son very much”.
“I have no doubts about it”.
Sif gulped. The double meaning of the conversation was suffocating you three. You were sure Queen Frigga knew, but she had you in the palm of her hand. Being the master manipulator she was, deceiving her was not the easiest. And Loki did nothing to hide his feelings around you; at least not until you put an end to it that same morning.
You haven't seen him all day. He wasn't in his room, nor in the places he frequented. You looked for him, but finding him was a lost cause.
"Sif dear, would you help me out with the designs of the bouquet?", said Queen Frigga with a suggestive glance to the door. Sif patted your back and whispered "be strong" before leaving with your mother-in-law.
You had a fraction of a second for yourself, which was enough time to look for a thousand ways you could escape. But it was only daydreams. You wouldn't. You knew better. You asked yourself if it was actually for the better. What about Loki? You haven't seen him all day long and it was starting to worry you. What if he wasn't actually just ignoring you? What if he was getting in trouble?
You shook away the thoughts as soon as you realized. Whatever he did, it was not your fault. You did what both of you knew you'd do from the beginning. Whatever he did now, it was on him.
You turned around. Lingering in the door, Thor's back was greeting you.
"You're not supposed to see me".
"Yeah, that's why I'm turned around". You laughed and walked to him as he turned around to face you. "You look gorgeous".
"Thank you", you said as if accepting the compliment of a stranger. Wasn't it, after all?
"I can't help but think about how you'd react if my little brother said those words".
"He's not that little, you know".
"You keep defending him, but he doesn't need you to".
"You're right. You're right, he doesn't need me to", you nodded, thinking about your last conversation.
Thor entered the room and walked around, passing a finger through the paintings and the covers of the books.
"He's hurt", he said after a while. You knitted your eyebrows.
"Why are you telling me this?".
"Because we all need what we don't have".
He closed the door after checking nobody was out there. Your anxiety started to grow bigger as he delayed explanations.
"Because you need him, he needs you, I need to get out of this position and you need the benefits a Crown would give you".
You gulped and waited for him to elaborate. He didn't.
"What are you trying to say?".
The best plan. The perfect plan. The only plan.
Sif was going to walk you. She grabbed your arm before the big doors opened, and gave you a reassuring smile.
To say hundreds were in that room was not an exaggeration. You couldn’t help but wonder what would happen to any of you if they realized what was going on. Sif knew. Thor knew. The Warriors Three knew. Hell, even Heimdall knew. But Loki didn’t, not just yet. Him knowing would compromise the entire operation.
The doors opened. The Nuptial March started playing vigorously. You walked slowly, looking for the right eyes to meet. Thor looked unsuspiciously happy, waiting at the end of the hall. The Allfather and Allmother were wearing a flaming smile of pride from ear to ear; seeing their firstborn being finally able to inherit the Throne and ruling the Realms.
You held your bouquet tight once your gaze stopped for longer than it should have in certain sky-like eyes. He was sitting in the front row, way closer than you’d wanted, on Queen Frigga’s side. His mother was resting her hand on the back of his, caressing gently his knuckles. He looked at you like a stranger. Like you were nothing more than an arranged sibling-in-law to him. Like you weren’t just crumbling on his arms that same morning. Like his word wouldn’t shatter your heart to pieces if he wanted to. Like you weren’t just risking your entire life for him, in that same moment.
You kept walking, greeting the citizens for the looks. It was all a big show, and your performance was going well. Once you made it to Thor’s side, you both grabbed each other’s hands and smiled. The guests cheered. The young couple, such a beautiful wedding, such a nice evening; you were all so happy.
Before the actual ceremony started -the exchange of rings, the speeches, the standing claps-, Thor put a strand of hair behind your ear -such an intimate act, who would even suspect?-, and got closer to kiss your cheek. Loki flinched. Once there, he whispered, making sure nobody would read his lips.
“Never been readier in my life”.
Loki must have been using his magic to hear; his face stopped hiding his pain behind the usual indifference, to reveal a confused expression. When you stole a glance from him, he subtly raised an eyebrow, as to ask you what in the Heavens is going on, and you smirked.
“Help! Help!”, screamed a young woman from one of the last rows -who would’ve known it was Sif changing her voice tone?- “Fire! The curtains are on fire!”.
Everyone in the room started to bustle around and, before coming to the realization of just how quickly the fire was extending, moved far from the entrance as to avoid the smoke. Odin ran towards it and tried to put it off, but it seemed like it wasn’t fire. It was… enchanted?
“It doesn’t go off!”, he announced. “We need to move everyone out, quickly”.
The flames moved from the big curtains to the wooden ceiling beams, moving towards Thor and you. Everyone started running out of the room, and Thor, Loki, Frigga and you were helping everyone out meanwhile Odin tried to put off the fire -a lost cause, worth trying-.
“You had to want your whole ceremony in a wooden room, didn’t you?”, spat Loki to his brother while lifting people out through the windows. His mind was full, yet his silvertongue had always found a way to snark.
“Yeah!”, answered Thor, biting back a smirk. Loki changed his annoyed expressions to one of realization. Was he…?, but he deleted that intrusive thought rather quickly. “I’ve always been one for the aesthetics, brother!”.
The smoke started growing bigger and bigger and Loki casted wet towels for him and his brother to breathe through, while helping the few last people out. He looked around to make sure nobody was still in the fire, which was now eating the whole room. Everything was getting destroyed, and the flames were specially embracing. Anyone left in there would definitely not get out alive.
“Where’s they?”, asked Loki with a tremble in his voice. He lost you from your sight. Just one second ago you were helping the children of the room to get out as fast as possible, and just as he turned around, you weren’t there anymore. “Thor, where’s they?!”.
Thor looked around, equally confused.
“I… I don’t know”, he muttered, and they both started yelling your name, until a faint voice, a broken scream came out of your throat.
“They’s on the fire”, Loki said with his heart on his throat, before jumping through the windows and getting in to take you out. Before he could get in the flames, Thor pushed him away.
“I’ll go, fire will do nothing to me”.
“You don’t know that, Thor, Father can’t put it down, you’ll get equally hurt”, but meanwhile Loki tried to make his way through him, Thor was already inside the fire, nowhere to be found. Frigga had to hold Loki from jumping in too, and she truly had to make an incredible effort, for he was fighting with all the strength he allowed himself to fight against his own mother.
After six too many minutes of silence of everyone safely outside waiting for Thor to come out with you in his arms, of Loki choking on his own tears and sobs, of Odin not giving up on trying to put the fire out, Sif stated;
“He’s not coming out. We have to go get them”.
“It’s too dangerous, the fire’s unknown”, said Queen Frigga. But after seeing his youngest son tear his heart apart at the only thought of losing you, she added. “Be careful”.
As soon as the approval words came out of her mouth, Loki ran inside the flames, followed by Odin.
Silence spread through the crowd during the couple of long minutes the young Prince and Allfather were inside the burning room of the Palace, looking for their family. Mothers were hugging tight their children, and fathers were embracing their crying wives. Lady Sif and the Warriors Three still tried to put off the fire, unsuccessfully. A young lady was crying louder than the rest, calling for a name. Queen Frigga put her own worries aside to offer her help.
“Who are you looking for?”.
“My daughter, my Queen. She was with the rest of the children. She’s nowhere to be found, please help me. You must know where she is”, cried desperately. Frigga put both her hands on her shoulders, and held her tightly to contain her.
“It’s alright, we’ll find her. Do not worry. Let me see”, she scanned around the place, and started talking to herself to put the case together. “The kids were all together in the front row, far from where the fire started. My sons and their companion were helping people out in that place. The children were assisted by…” and the pause made her fall in realization. She couldn’t tell the woman. It was evident you’d do that, given your nature.
Frigga muttered some curses to herself. How could you be so imprudent? How could you be risking your safety to save a kid, when you could’ve asked for her magic to teleport him? Very noble of you, to jump on the fire. But also very reckless, and careless about the consequences. Because now Frigga’s entire family was in the fire, trying to get you both out.
A rough cough took Frigga out of her angered thoughts. In between the smoke, two large silhouettes carrying another two figures made everyone hold their breaths.
First, Loki came out with you in his arms. He was no longer shivering, trembling, sobbing. He was firm and merely focused on you, holding a wet towel around you and blowing your face to take away the smoke that you’d breathe. Frigga and the young woman ran towards you two, as Loki kneeled on the floor, now far from the danger, and opened his arms, still holding you, to show you were alright. You choked a cough and lifted out of your arms a little kid, around two or three years old. The young woman cried out of relief as she hugged her daughter as tight as anyone has ever hugged someone.
“I cannot thank you enough”.
You smiled gently and went back to Loki’s gaze. The anger, the hurt in his eyes he had that same morning, was nowhere to be found now. With crystalized eyes, he cupped your face and put his forehead against yours.
“You reckless idiot”, he whispered, and you both left out a laugh. You pulled him in for a hug, and he sank his hands in your hair and back, letting out a sigh.
“Thank you for getting me out. It wasn’t part of the plan”, you whispered in his chest, feeling his raised heartbeat.
“I was supposed to get out, but… a kid”.
“You were supposed to...? Oh my Gods, did you…?”.
“Thor!”, yelled Queen Frigga, as Odin left a limp body on the floor. You felt Loki’s heartbeat rising even more than before, and you held his hand tight, trying to tell him. You had to warn him it wasn’t what he thought, but at this point you weren’t so sure. He stopped in his tracks, and looked at you with the question lingering its way out. You slowly nodded, and directed your look towards Thor’s body.
Odin sat by his side, and Frigga stood close. There wasn’t a single sound. You looked to Sif, and she stepped closer to you, putting a hand on your back. You were afraid of getting closer to Thor. But you needed to see it was part of the plan. Something already went wrong. What if this whole thing was not how it was supposed to go, either? What if you screwed up?
“Everyone, go back to your houses. We have no groom”, announced Odin, while Frigga caressed his dead son’s hair.
You bounced your leg impatiently. You had asked Loki to come with you, too. Far from the Palace, even far from the city. A place where only trees would listen. Only birds would interrupt you. Only wind would try to take you away.
“Darling, what are we doing? What are you not telling me?”, he asked after at least half an hour of waiting.
Sif and the Warriors Three walked towards you with a fast pace.
“Apologies about the delay”.
“Very sorry about your loss, your Highness”, said Fandral with a smirk. Loki frowned.
“Not a very good time for your mockery”.
“Why? I think it’s the perfect time”.
“Would anyone care to tell me what I’m so clearly missing out of?”.
Volstagg opened a map and handed it to you, ignoring Loki, who was already losing his patience.
“The plan went well. You have nothing to worry about”, he said, and you sighed out of relief. Your legs stopped shaking and you felt the crushing weight of guilt fall off your shoulders.
“You couldn’t have told me this sooner? I nearly passed out!”.
“The important thing is that everyone’s safe, and everyone’s fine”.
“Beg your pardon? What on the Nine Realms do you all mean with everyone’s safe?”, jumped Loki. His face was red out of anger, grief, and resentment. “Thor’s dead. You’re basically Kingless, since Odin has already decided to give up the Throne. You’re not getting your position on royalty -which was the point of all this mess, the point of you even being here-. One of the most important parts of the Palace has burned along with the citizen’s trust in us, because we couldn’t put off a damn fire. Have I mentioned Thor’s dead? Have I mentioned you almost die out of smoke intoxication? What would I have done if you died there?! Ah, and Thor’s dead, by the way”.
He took a deep breath, and turned even more red as he realized the volume of his voice and the tears running down his face. But as much as he was embarrassed about it, he didn’t regret it. Because he was right; everything was chaos, and they, so nonchalant, were talking as if none of these things were real. As if…
And just as he even got to consider they weren’t, he was confirmed with memories. Your plan. A map. Everyone’s safe. Sif’s voice being the first one to notice the magic fire.
You all gave him space to think about it, to go through it without you saying a word. He quickly connected the dots.
“It wasn’t a fallen candle that started the fire, wasn’t it?”.
Sif smiled awkwardly, and squeezed your hand.
“The rest of the plan’s up to us. He did everything on his hands, but he can’t help now, even from the distance”.
“Where is he?”, you asked as you gently wiped away the tears off his cheeks. His eyes, burning red, embraced you lovingly. He was still confused, though. But calmer.
“Midgard, with that Jane Foster he always drooled over”.
“Oh dear”, Loki rolled his eyes. “So, he’s not dead?”.
“Good. Okay”, he nodded. He sat on the grass, contemplating the views. Feeling the soft breeze graze his pale skin. “What are you going to do now? You needed this. Why did you break it?”.
“I needed this even more”, you pointed at him.
He looked at you with surprise. As if he wasn’t expecting your feelings to be still there. As if he would’ve already convinced himself you didn’t actually love him, despite all the things you said.
“And he had to fake his death in order to break up the marriage?”.
“Oh, prince Loki, you’re so blind to the truth sometimes”, scoffed Sif.
“No wonders he’s the God of Lies, and not of Truths”, added Volstagg ironically.
“Quit the sarcasm, already, you four”, he hissed. “Darling, tell me what I so clearly cannot see”.
You sat by his side, and put a hand around his waist. He did the same, grabbing gently the back of your neck.
You laughed. He still didn’t get it, didn’t he?
“You’re next on the inheritance line, love”.
“This is the moment where you ask me to be your companion, my King”.
