Reason | Fictlet | Headcanon
At first he’d tried to reason with himself that it was nothing more than a physical attraction, brought on in no small part by the fact that he’d been cooped up for so long with Marius as his only company.
And there was no shame in that was there? The older vampire was, after all, easy on the eyes; tall and strongly built, and admittedly Daniel had always had some small soft spot for blondes. And Marius’ eyes, so blue, that same blue of deep ocean waters glittering under sunlight that Daniel would never again see. There were times, ever increasing it seemed, that he had to force himself to look away, lest he be caught staring into them. Yes, at first he’d reasoned it was entirely physical, that pull he’d begun to feel, and he took some measure of comfort in that. A mere physical attraction was something he could suffer through and, in time, forget. He’d managed that well enough with his own maker, when their interactions after his turning had, over time, become little more than polite and distant encounters, their increasing clashings of mind and will driving a wedge further and further between them. Yes, Daniel could suffer and survive a physical attraction. He was well adept at that.
It was harder however, as time went on, to hold to that reasoning, when he would seek the Marius out to ask him some question without any true importance, merely to hear him speak; and he’d also, almost unwittingly, found himself saying things with the intent and hope of making his caretaker smile, or if he was very lucky, to make him laugh – both reactions drawing the corners of his own mouth up and causing some place in the vicinity of his chest to warm when he succeeded.
The most damning things though, by far, were Daniel’s restless unease when Marius would leave their home without him, and he would wander aimless and sullen, at times verging on tears when the ancient was gone to almost sunrise, until his return; and he’d begun to feel a strange comfort in knowing he could enter the study on any given night and find the older vampire with a book in hand, the warm light of the lamps illuminating his face, and that uttering a single word would cause Marius to look up, his face almost always holding that infinitely patient and kind expression. Damning, that when Marius would speak his name, his head would snap up instantaneously and a strange rush of emotion would rise against all his attempts to subdue it.
Yes; at first he’d tried to reason, but more and more reason seemed to be losing ground.