me after playing pocket camp for 2 days

friend: hey do u wanna come over to my house?

me: no sorry u don’t have a ranch bookcase, lovely lamp, small round cactus, modern sof-

Maz is a bit of an acquired taste so let me do the talking, and whatever you do don’t stare. At what? Any of it. 

when someone says I’m being over dramatic

No but this is actually me with every little petty issue I have

david: virgo, libra, sagittarius, taurus  alex: LEO, gemini, aries table: cancer, pisces, scorpio, aquarius

i’m sorry

one of my most favorite forms of storytelling in music is ‘Goodbye Earl’ by the Dixie Chicks and its soo good.

Two women who grow up together, go their separate ways after graduation. One leaves town while the other stays and ends up marrying a man that abuses her. So she tries to get a divorce and ends up getting beat into the hospital cause the only thing that was keeping them separate was a worthless restraining order. 

The woman’s childhood best friend finds out and immediately goes back to town for her. When they figure that the law didnt do shit, the two women literally just murder the abusive ex-husband. After that, they buy a plot of land together and own a business that sells ham and jam, God bless those country wlw, I love this song.

also the 1999 music video was just a gay campy as hell shot like a musical

I teach this song in my very popular Murder Ballads unit

Why do people out in the country drive so slow like I’m gay bitch I can’t go under 75 mph

you drive 75 mph in the city?

Im Gay Bitch

me: can i say something mean and petty?

my friends, sitting at the edge of their chairs, alert and ready: absolutely

heavily inspired by this post 

the purge except it’s 24 hours where retail workers can talk back to customers and managers

whenever i hit the clubs bouncers be like “I.D. please”

no problem

Daniel’s Delivery Service

If Dan delivered baked goods

Do you ever think about how supermarkets have no clear indicator of time passing visually? Like if u go into a supermarket in the morning or midnight it would look the same, same harsh white lighting. Time isn’t real. Nothing is real. Avocados are half off