What's your take on the Salvatores' relationship with Elena? Just asking because you've made your stance clear on Damon's (hate him) but I'm not able to understand your opinion on Stefan?
First of all, let me make one thing clear — by human standards, none of the romantic relationships on the show are healthy. They are all toxic by human standards, and healthy by supernatural standards.
Keeping this point in mind, we'll go back to the days when we clicked on the 'play' button of the first episode of TVD (on Netflix).
Oh, how intrigued we were after constantly watching Stefan and Elena's cemetery interaction on our Netflix highlight carousel. We never knew how loyal we'd become to some of the characters on the show, how disappointed we would be at the quality of writing, and how much we'd swear to create our own versions of the show through writing (and we did).
99% of the people who began watching TVD saw only two ways for Elena — Team Stefan or Team Damon. If you belong to the 1% category who saw a different path for Elena right from the beginning, you're either batshit insane for considering Matthew Donovan as a plausible romantic interest for Elena or a genius intellectual for seeing Elena herself and herself only (and also seeing Barolena).
When the show began, we first got Stelena. Stefan was respectful to her, he was loyal, kind, caring, basically a man any woman (or man) would want in her/his life. Then Damon rolled into town and oh, boy, how much everyone was whipped for the badass Salvatore brother who tore hearts out of hybrids, staked his claim on ours with his smirks and his eyes, and kept us entertained with his sarcastic quips and one-liners. As the show went on, some of us rooted for Stelena, while others desperately wanted Elena to ditch Stefan and get together with Damon.
After eight seasons' worth of the lover debacle, DE emerged as the winner. SE stans were heartbroken and went anti-Elena, whilst DE stans waved their happiness in front of everyone's faces and worshipped DE like how they do now.
As an SE stan from the start, I was downright heartbroken. Why would Elena go for Damon? Why? He made her life miserable. He killed Jeremy, threatened to kill Caroline and Matt, and constantly tormented Stefan and Elena. Why?
As those questions ran through my mind, I started comparing the two of them with respect to their relationship with Elena.
When we analyse Stelena, there's one element that stands out the most—mutual respect. Stefan always valued Elena's choices (TVD S3 Finale, he saved Matt because Elena wanted him to save Matt over her). He only intervened if they were too drastic for her mortal capabilities. Elena cared for Stefan (TVD S2 E6, the moonstone retrieval got Stefan in a vervain full of trouble and Elena rescued him along with Baroline). She always saw the good in Stefan even though Stefan considered himself to be crap. The entire time in S1, he constantly contemplated on suicide because he was never meant to be a vampire. He was a vampire with blood addiction.
Now, when I put this statement forward, we'd remember Ripper!Stefan. We'd take into account that he massacred an entire village and he killed people. That doesn't make him any lesser than what Damon did, right? Because when Damon came into the picture, he killed tons of people. He raped Caroline. He tormented Jeremy and Bonnie and Elena. Yes, Damon killed people, and so did Stefan. That doesn't make Damon unworthy of Elena, right? Damon and Stefan are the same, it's just our preferences, that's all.
That's wrong, because there's only one thing that differentiates the Salvatore brothers.
Stefan hesitates to kill. It's in his nature. He feels remorse for the people he's killed, for who he becomes when he's the Ripper of Monterey. Damon doesn't hesitate to kill. If killing people gets him what he wants, he'll kill people alright.
Stefan killed thousands of people, but he felt remorse, he felt guilt for his actions. He spent years trying to be good (30 years of Ripper Detox). It's shown in the show how he genuinely wants to be good, how he wants to moderate himself even though he'd be less powerful than a regular vampire. Stefan wants to be good, he doesn't want people to endure the misery that he endures thanks to his past behavior. He doesn't want people to feel guilt, he wants people to live their lives fully because he knows what it's like not to fully live your life and keep swimming in that anguish for so long.
That's why he helped Caroline after she transitioned. That's why he was so intent on helping Elena because it was downright clear she wasn't accustomed to vampirism. People like Caroline, Katherine, Damon, and Klaus may have benefited from vampirism because it made them better versions of their human selves. But people like Cami, Elena, and Stefan certainly didn't. When Stefan realized there was a cure to immortality, he could give it to Elena because Elena valued her humanity and as a human, she was a better person than she was as a vampire sire-bound to her sire.
Damon, on the other hand, kills and kills and kills and has never expressed any guilt or regret for it. He didn't apologize for raping Caroline, he didn't apologize for snapping Jeremy's neck after Elena rejected him, and he didn't apologize for his actions. He's never owned up to it, he's always blamed his actions on some circumstance or the other. Stefan constantly kept warning Elena about his own darkness. He never thought he was going to be worthy of her after he saw how kind she was. But Elena made him see that he was the one for her, solidifying their love.
Damon was selfish. If he wanted something, he'd get it, no matter who stood in his way. If someone did, he'd kill them. The only way he could be tolerable or even controlled was if either someone took him down or Elena was under his control.
Elena: Why am I thinking about you?Damon: Because you're a vampire now. And part of you knows you're a lot more like me, than you are like him.
She's questioning herself and her own intentions and it may be a hallucination, but it's Damon right there. It's his literal thoughts speaking to her in such a manipulative manner. It's his thoughts that changed her, not the other way around. Damon changed Elena for the worse, Elena never changed him.
This is just a part of the entire story. If you go through the S4 transcripts, you can see how Elena's dialogue constantly trails off. It's as if she's intoxicated by something and she isn't in control of her own train of thoughts. She's constantly asking questions because she's nothing but confused and lost. The sire bond, coupled up with Damon's manipulative and hedonistic personality, warped and twisted Elena's sense of right and wrong and fiction and reality.
Now, if any DE stan might stumble upon this, they'd be like 'Oh! But wasn't Klaroline manipulative too, more emphasis on Klaus?'
But no! That's not the case! Because between Damon and Klaus, Klaus is more direct than Damon. That's one of the things I like about Klaus. He's very direct with his feelings, be it hatred or affection. He bit Caroline because, at that moment, he utterly despised her. But after Caroline admitted she saw goodness in him as she was dying, Klaus saved her because a part of him has always wanted people to see and understand the real him that's been inside of him all along. He's very direct with his actions and with his promises, although he does find loopholes.
Like Klaus, Stefan was also direct. That's why Stelena got a point for communication because they always communicated with each other, which is an important aspect of a relationship.
Damon was never direct with Elena, it's pretty clear in S5 and S6, how they're constantly going back and forth primarily because of Damon. He never clearly communicated with Elena, unless she'd reject him, he'd go ahead and kill people (e.g. Aaron Whitmore). If Delena wanted to hash things out, time for a sex romp.
The entire time on the show, the presence of the Salvatores reduced Elena to an object. It was as if she was their plaything and only they owned her and no other man. That's why I absolutely loathe the two brothers.
If it ever came down to SE or DE, I'd choose Stelena because as Rose said, Stefan is always good for her if it ever came down to Damon and Stefan. That's an assurance right there and buddy, if I were in a relationship, I'd need plenty of assurance.
None of the Salvatores deserve Elena. Certainly not Damon, and not Stefan either. He watched Damon abuse Caroline and didn't even interfere. He stalked Elena too, and I just went 'yikes'.
Elena's better off with herself, Baroline, and with the Mikaelson gang in NOLA. I despise Damon, fully anti-Damon space here, but with Stefan, it's a love-hate relationship.
Thank you for your questions
