9th degree burn

By RickCelis

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rami malek for terry mcginnis 2k15

It has come to my attention that not many people have any fucking idea what the fucking fuck is supposed to be going on the the DC Universe right now

Now keep in mind I only read like 4 or 5 DC titles right now because most of them make me want to tear my hair out but this is my understanding of what’s currently happening:

Bruce just became a god but he’s also dead but not really he just has amnesia and a beard. None of his children or friends seem to give a shit about this shocking development though. Maybe because they aren’t idiots and are just waiting for everything to go back to normal again before DC decide to kill another Robin (hard luck Timmy it’s your turn next). But never fear, in Bruce Wayne’s absence he was replaced with a robot bunny cop man.

Also Dick Grayson isn’t dead, well he was for like 6 pages once but now everyone just thinks he’s dead (and never discuss him ever). He’s really working for Spyral, the super duper evil spy thing with the people with the spinny faces. Also, it seems like DC just now figured out that he’s hot as shit so now everyone talks about his ass all the time.

Joker had his face cut off but then it grew back because his spine is magic and he may or may not be an immortal evil thing or something dumb that Scott Snyder and Greg Capullo managed to make interesting (seriously how do they do that? They made robot bunny cop Batman interesting too). Oh and I’m like 64.6% sure Two Face killed himself a few years ago but they might have even brought him back by now.

Jason Todd possesses a magical helmet that randomly changes the articulation of his face. He had a semi interesting team thing before but now all he does is hang around with Roy. They talk about each other’s assholes or something I have no idea what’s happening there all I know is he deserves better.

Superman dated Wonder Woman so people would want him to date Lois again. Now he’s broken up with Wonder Woman so he’ll probably be dating Lois again. He also rocks a super casual t-shirt and jeans when fighting (insert powerful alien of the month).

Black Canary isn’t a superhero anymore. Barbara was never Oracle. Steph didn’t even exist until like a year ago and even then she’s done nothing. Starfire is amazed by black people’s skin????? I’m supposed to pretend Harley Quinn is a cinnamon roll and not a terrible person (I love Harley to death but come on now).

Damian Wayne’s nose is somehow more boopable than ever and he is one of the few characters in the DC universe that has a title worthy of them. It’s seriously so good, read it. 

Tim is Batman in the future. Because everyone should be Batman right? Also Terry McGinnis went back in time a while ago and there was a masked Superman and I stopped reading Future’s End because who cares but didn’t Green Arrow die? I vaguely remember that happening.

Meanwhile in Gotham, Alfred got his hand cut off by The Joker. Oh and his daughter Julia just sort of showed up one day and now she’s like a major part of team Batman even though I don’t find her very interesting. Also, Gotham has been completely destroyed like 3 times in the last year.

The pre-Crisis versions of everyone showed up for a few issues so people would stop complaining about the bland backstoryless new versions… then the bland backstoryless new versions kept doing their thing.

The reason they rebooted was to make everything simpler and easier for new readers to understand. I don’t want to seem overly negative I do like some of the things DC has done since the reboot and then the recent re-reboot/relaunch. But seriously, I really fucking try to follow this shit and I have absolutely no idea what’s going on. How are new or casual readers supposed to either?

Don’t forget the steaming pile that is the Harley Quinn series (because taking her out of Gotham was a GREAT idea -.-)

anonymous asked: A fancast of your favourite bat boys?  - Ben Affleck as Bruce, Rami Malek as Dick, Milo Ventimiglia as Jason, and Rhydian Vaughan as Terry

‘Batman Beyond is about a lot more than Terry McGinnis.’ 

FUCK OFF DAN JURGENS WE KNOW THAT WE ALL KNOW THAT BUT TERRY DID NOT DESERVE TO DIE AND YOU HAVE NOT BEEN FAITHFUL TO ANYTHING IN THE ORIGINAL BATMAN BEYOND UNIVERSE

i am not here for people who actively dismiss my faves without ANY FUCKIN REASON 

and dont tell me it’s for tim’s benefit because none of this is benefiting him either, he doesn’t need this comic

Oh my god, Bruce.