50 Shades of Grey narrated by Jar Jar Binks

This isn’t a shitty idea, this is the best idea

Finally the voice this book deserves meesa thinks 

@viedzma

meesas’s inner goddess is jumping up and down

“Meesa feels the color in meesa cheeks rising again.Meesa must be the color of Darth Vader’s lightsaber. “

“Suddenly, heesa sits up and tugs meesa panties off and throws them on the floor. Pulling off heesa robes, heesa erection springs free. Holy bantha!”

What turned Jar Jar to the darkside

the signs as 50 shades of grey quotes

Aries: “Welcome,” he said, shoving my hair hard, “to the butt room.”

Taurus: “No way,” I cried out orgasmically. “No way, no way, no way.”

Gemini: “When I woke up Christian Grey had somehow gotten an entire orange into my mouth.”

Cancer: “Say it,” he commanded. “Yankity Spankity.” “Louder.”

Leo: “He gently handcuffed me to the parking meter. “Bye.”

Virgo: “The helicopter was built for sex, I observed sexily. You could lie across the seats or recline them.”

Libra: “Christian Grey picked up the long black thing and started working my zone. It was bananas.”

Scorpio: “The sex feelings flooded my body like a charging herd of itty, bitty elephants. We’re talking small.”

Sagittarius: “Do I afraid you?” Christian Grey asked, licking his eyebrow.”

Capricorn: “It’s a Murphy Bed,” he explained. “Maybe one day we could leave it up and have sex in the walls.”

Aquarius: “Christian Grey mashed on my area with the meat of his hand. “Do you like that, you woman?”

Pisces: “Hey,” I asked “Didn’t you used to be a vampire?”

Source: [x]

Behold, the worst written line of all time:

Aro laughed. “Ha ha ha,” he giggled.

-Stephenie Meyer New Moon

Excuse me but

“His voice is warm and husky like dark melted chocolate fudge caramel… or something.” -EL James Fifty Shades of Gray

Fifty Shades is a treasure trove of terrible lines.

“I feel the color in my cheeks rising again. I must be the color of the Communist Manifesto.”

“His erection springs free. Holy cow!”

“Holy crap! He’s wearing a white shirt.”

The fact it used to be Twilight fanfiction really comes through when you actually look up some of the text.

“His eyebrows widened”

- E.L. James; Fifty Shades of Grey

This post always makes me feel better about myself.

I stopped my work day so I could make this stupid gif.

I nearly peed.

For fucks sake I thought you were kidding about the Communist Manifesto

Author of 50 Shades did an ask tag on Twitter and it apparently went as gloriously as anyone could have hoped

Author of 50 Shades did an ask tag on Twitter and it apparently went as gloriously as anyone could have hoped

Tsssssss

IM SORRY WHAT

We’re

The slaughter of children in the Hunger Games was portrayed as one of the horrors of a dictatorship in a horrendous dystopia. Not something to be sought after and glorified as a romantic movie. How can anyone even compare the two?!

What she said^

They just straight up admitted it’s abuse too

And yes I was upset about that slaughter, so are all of the good guys, that’s kinda the point!

I read the new 50 Shades of Grey book so you don’t have to.

FINALLY, MY GREY LIVEBLOGGING HELL IS OVER!! For previous updates, see our GREY tag and my twitter @Hello_Tailor. Here’s what I learned from reading this book:

1. Christian Grey is a massive Creep. Obvs. He orders a background check on Anastasia after they’ve met one time, then starts stalking her, and things go downhill from there. 

2. There are about a billion references to wine in this book, presumably to give the impression of Christian Grey as a suave man of the world. Unfortunately, E.L. James did not even make a token effort to google any basic facts about wine, so Christian ends up looking like a total idiot. 

Side note: Christian is consistently rude to waiters/baristas, AND seems convinced that all of his female employees want to bone him. What a charmer, right? I want to read a book from the perspective of his PA: “Oh yeah, Mr Grey skipped another board meeting to track his boring girlfriend’s cellphone around a mall. Then he fired someone for serving the wrong kind of croissant. That’s pretty standard for a Wednesday.”

3. Most of this book is filler. I lost track of how many pointless scenes she included about Anastasia’s favorite brand of tea, or what they were going to have for breakfast, or what time Christian got up that morning.

4. I’m wondering if even the most ardent Fifty Shades fan would enjoy the sex scenes in Grey. Instead of focusing on Anastasia’s role being bossed around by handsome, rich Christian (which I believe was the appeal of the original trilogy), Christian’s POV means we’re treated to endless descriptions of how fragile, clumsy and sexy Anastasia is… followed by weirdly medical, methodical descriptions of sex.

The prose really is… quite something.

5. Finally: for an international sex symbol, Christian Grey is embarrassingly dull.

LOL! Truly!

Same

Behold, the worst written line of all time:

Aro laughed. “Ha ha ha,” he giggled.

-Stephenie Meyer New Moon

Excuse me but

“His voice is warm and husky like dark melted chocolate fudge caramel… or something.” -EL James Fifty Shades of Gray

Fifty Shades is a treasure trove of terrible lines.

“I feel the color in my cheeks rising again. I must be the color of the Communist Manifesto.”

“His erection springs free. Holy cow!”

“Holy crap! He’s wearing a white shirt.”

The fact it used to be Twilight fanfiction really comes through when you actually look up some of the text.

#i feel good about my writing again

Have you got color in your cheeks? Do you ever get that fear that you can’t shift that you’re the Communist Manifesto?

OH GOD IT GOT WORSE

Behold, the worst written line of all time:

Aro laughed. “Ha ha ha,” he giggled.

-Stephenie Meyer New Moon

Excuse me but

“His voice is warm and husky like dark melted chocolate fudge caramel… or something.” -EL James Fifty Shades of Gray

Government Secret #320

The “50 Shades of Grey” novel series was written by the government and anyone who liked it was weeded out to be the next human sacrifice

50 shades of grey did not deserve the soundtrack that it got

It disgusts me that Beyonce would want anything to do with this abomination

fav quotes from 50 shades

licking his eyebrow

this afraids me.

*slams the reblog button*