D_A's Spammery

In the Nobuspawns otome of my dreams, one of them would be like the trope where it's like "he closed off his heart because he's seen what love can do to someone and it's bad and he's scared of it".

Like, it can be the condescending "this is so stupid" type, or the "always fooling around" playboy, or the depressing emo kid type, so it can run with any of the 3 hellspawns.

Ah, but I feel like I'm really bad with otome/shoujo romance tropes? It might end up being awful if I'm the one writing LOL.

Reread the "Nobunao" post again.

I completely forgot one of the letters was about dispatching some guy on the subject of the fire on Tamaru. This would not make any sense for one guy to be signing off for the other LOL. Unless maybe my dumbass lord was actually away from his own castle, and was with his brother or was at Azuchi because Nobu called him. But it really don't make sense why he would be signing off under someone else's name.

My conspiracy is ruined LOL.

If Nobutada himself is the one who fucked up his own name, I'm curious now if 直 is actually very commonly used as "tada" in names back in the Sengoku. So like, maybe he has been writing stuff to his vassals and then he forgot how to write his own name because he has been repeatedly writing 直.

Because I have seen in the old texts reaally screwy typos where, like, Ota Gyuuchi seemed like he was about to write "Shinano" 信濃 instead of "Nobunaga" 信長 by mistake, and then scribbled it up to fix it.

He also messed up writing "Akechi" 明智 and it came out kind of being 朋知 instead:

So, you know. Typos/screwy names do happen.

Random thought about Nobutada's "typo" signature. Still unclear who that actually was, but it does seem to be 90% likely that it was Nobutada.

See. I have this crack idea that whenever the Nobuspawn brothers are together, the one writing/signing off the letters are actually Nobukatsu. Like, he's raised in a more noble household as opposed to just a regular samurai house, so maybe he's more eloquent writing-wise or something.

I don't know how common it is for -tada to be written with 直 in a name during the Sengoku (since like, I don't have lists for names of "random vassal Joe"), but Hanzo has this cousin(???) named Noritada whose name is like that. If that's actually pretty rare, it might actually amplify my crack idea. Nobukatsu's territory does already encroach into Iga, maybe he's already working with some of the Hattori relatives somehow. And maybe he's so used to reading and writing -tada names with a 直 that he forgot his own brother's name isn't like that.

Tried to look up the castle residences. I think it's not entirely impossible for Nobuspawn to have business with the Chigachi family.

Maruyama is the failed castle that nobody lived in, but that was part of the Kitabatake territory. Chigachi's residence is only like 1.5 hours away, I wouldn't be surprised if actually they have regular contact with the neighbours.

Like. Iga is not some isolated little village where nobody goes to. It's an entire damn province. We don't know what lordly business happens on the day to day between Ise and Iga, especially when the Kitabatake territory very obviously takes up space is inside Iga.

I hope the news will find more Nobuspawns stuff, because I’m still curious what the hell is with that seal that he used. The seal uses a quote from first Han Emperor Gaozu, and it says “I’ve already conquered the entire nation” like WTF???

This doesn’t make any sense at all, and I’m just... surely he’s not somehow too dumb to understand what it means?? 

My shitpost theory is that this is a code for something else. There is a Japanese literary trope (in legends at least), where people uses puns in poetry to allude to something completely different based on homophones or word association.

The poem’s full sentence is “I’ve already conquered the entire nation, and I’m going home”, so maybe he’s saying that he’s not interested in going any further and is just staying put “at home”. Unification can go hang, if anyone else wants to have at it, then let them have at it. He just uses grandiose language (especially one that sounds similar to Tenka Fubu) to throw people off.

The even more shitpost interpretation that is totally not historical is that he meant what he says. Like maybe he somehow has this really complex network of minions all over the country. Don’t play, or he’ll crush you. And the reason why he maintained reasonable authority all the way through his death is that both Hide and Yasu are lowkey scared of what he might do. 

(this is some anime bullshit that makes no sense, I’m just really spiteful of nonsense manga and novels and Taiga drama plots)

More Sanshichi rambling TBH

So there’s always been a debate about the order of actual birth because some documents said Sanshichi is actually born as the second son a few weeks ahead of Ochasen, but Shit Happened and Nobubu ended up naming Ochasen the second son.

Also despite the status that he did have, Sanshichi is seen as valued far less than Ochasen, so people were saying maybe it’s because his mother’s background was far lower. 

I’m honestly still surprised I have not found conspiracy theories saying that Ochasen and Sanshichi are actually twins, and this very fuzzy family background is the result of the officials of the time messing with the records to throw people off track. After all “Twins = bad luck” is a persistent belief up until the Meiji era.

Maybe not enough people care about Nobuspawns, I’m so sads :( 

I seriously think there’s actually very suspicious circumstances about Nobubu’s 3 hellspawns, and the reason why so many things are fuzzy and obscure is because last one standing covered up all the shit about he and his brothers that are unsavoury for public knowledge. 

I wanna flail over Sengoku shitpost conspiracy 

In Japanese folklore at least, there has been instances where someone produced the first half of the poem as imagery, when what they actually meant is the second half.

There is a legend of Oota Doukan wanting to borrow a raincoat from a villager, but the villager presented some yamabuki flowers. Doukan got upset over it, but later his vassal told him it was a subtle reference to a poem that says “The Yamabuki blooms, but it’s a pity it has no fruits”. In Japanese the way “fruits” was phrased in the poem sounds like the word for raincoat, so the villager was trying to say “I have no raincoats” by presenting the yamabuki.

The whole issue with this conspiracy is that I don’t know if people “reading too deeply between lines of poetry” like this is a thing in the Sengoku or not, because I’ve only seen instances of this happening in Edo era stories, but I do wonder. The earliest I could find(?) if at all is Ieyasu having a snit fit over the engraving donated by Hideyori and using it as bullshit excuse to besiege Osaka over it. 

All other claims of double entendres in poetry and weird interpretations of such that I saw is from Edo. 

This ridiculously long preamble over with, what I want to shitpost about is Nobuspawn’s seal that reads 威加海內. This translates to something like “(my) might spread through all within the seas”, which is quoted from Emperor Gaozu’s poem “Song of the Great Wind”. 

“All within the seas” is just a euphemism for “the entire world/nation”. 

On the surface this sounds like an ambitious phrase, and a lot of modern people thinks this is meant to be an echo of Nobunaga’s Tenka Fubu. There’s reasons why “Tenka Fubu” might not even mean what you think it means in the first place, so this is moot anyway, but we’ll set that aside for now.

The full phrase of 威加海內 says this: 威加海內兮歸故鄉. Approximate translation is “(my) might spread through all within the seas, oh, now I return to my homeland”

So going by the above long-winded prologue about how what the person intended to say by quoting a poem is actually the unspoken half of the poem... What is printed is the “might spread all over the nation” part, but what he intended to say is “I’ve returned home”. As far as the current narrative is concerned, after Kiyosu Conference this guy was given lordship over Owari, or “home”. He’s been sent away to live in another province since he’s 10, so if for whatever reason he’s actually really sentimental about his homeland... 

This poem might be specifically chosen precisely because 威加海內 sounds deceptively ambitious and if he has reasons to hide his lack of desire to inherit Nobunaga’s incredibly massive territory, this is such a sneaky way to do so. 

This is from a specific doujin but TBH Nobu acts pretty much the same way across many fandoms so...

Toshiie: (just talking in general) Being stoic and silent is so yesterday and not cool. Pouring out your heart honestly is what makes a man these days.

Nobu: (overhears him, and decides to try it out)

Nobu: (becomes overly talkative like there’ssomanywordsyoucanbarelyseewhathe’ssayingbecausethewordsfillupthetextbubble)

Hide: WTF my lord Σ(° Δ ° ∥∥)

‘Cause, you know, Nobu is almost always kinda tsun and doesn’t talk much, and when he does it causes misunderstanding all the time because he’s so prickly about it

When he word vomits like this is just so OOC to watch it’s funny

WAIT THIS IS NEWS

Seishuu Gunki writes that Sanshichi was also in the Iga war. What??? 

THIS IS FODDER FOR FANTASY KDHFKJHGK

I’m so bewildered by this

Also.

My WTF headcanon/fanfic got “semi canon’d” by a text again. Semi because it’s the wrong brother. In my old SWD fanfic/headcanoning, I had imagined Kankurou being around for the battle strategy (and also bringing backup). The game had specified that the lord pup was the “second son”, so it means that a “first son” exist. Third son and onwards cannot be guaranteed.

Twins shitpost headcanon intensify.

I’m in tears 

I don’t know if I just read the blog wrong, or if the blogger narrated the story wrong, but I was given the impression that when Sansuke pardoned two pages for “ulterior motives”, Sanshichi was like “Oh are you for fcking real” in a pissed off manner.

He actually wasn’t mad in the original text, he was laughing. Even if he thought it was dumb, I guess he thought it was dumb in an amusing/affectionate way.

Also apparently there was rebels from Sansuke’s half of the province that tried to run and hide at Sanshichi’s place. He caught them and sent them back to his brother, who executed them.

I mean, since he seemed pretty chill about that dumbass moment I guess they don’t dislike each other, but then what the hell is up with Shizugatake. 

I’m gonna just insist on my dumb “Hello this is Bob my new kagemusha” headcanon, where they faked Sanshichi’s death and just deadpan-lied to Hideyoshi’s face. It’s like the Tenkai conspiracy theory but stupider.

Speaking of Tenkai, I also have a shitpost headcanon that Sanshichi IS Tenkai. But I’ve thought up of a new shitpost conspiracy: What if they trade places, and the one who later becomes Joushin is actually Sanshichi. Tenkai is the original one LMAO, who yeeted much earlier because he can’t be assed to rule anything.

Why “Tenkai” (written with Sky/Heaven and Sea)? 

(the two idiot spawns hang out with Catholic priests pretty often so IDK, this is just shitpost)

Also now that I know the three idiot hellspawns DO hangout occasionally, I wonder about the weird signature thing again. Did one of them really occasionally sign off letters for his brothers, or do they all just happen to have the same “writing tic”?

HEHEHEHEHHHEHEHE WIKIPEDIA ADDED A THING THAT MAKES ME FEEL SO VALID ABOUT MY HEADCANON HEHEHEHHEHEHE

I have this fantasy of Nobuspawn being secretly smart and kind of evil, so for fanfic/self indulgent purposes I imagined that he orchestrated the first failed Iga invasion basically as a big distraction, and in the chaos sent secret agents into Iga to mess with them.

And these minions just spread rumours up and down the province until 2 years later, more of the Iga people came to Nobu himself and was like "please come and invade, we'd help".

The Wikipedia page for the Iga war now says that the second invasion was successful because there's more Oda sympathizers INSIDE the province, not just the two guys who came to Azuchi. With these insiders help, the Oda army flooded in and just wrecked everything to high noon.

Even if this is not based on informed facts, and the Wiki didn't say anything about spies, this new addition about the "inside job" being much more large scale than previously mentioned (the page used to only mention a handful of guides) makes my spy/secret agent headcanon more plausible.

Also, I feel that making a big fuss over nothing like that failed invasion is not out of character for Nobu's hellspawn. One European priest said he did something similar just the year before, but in lesser scale.

It was not bad enough to make Nobu THAT angry at the time, I guess, but that's the precedent. I also firmly headcanon when the Iga thing happened, and Nobu sent threats to disown him, the dumbass hellspawn probably still had the same DGIAF attitude. I bet he just answered like "Okay, where do I sign the papers and when should I stop calling him dad?"

(Nobu, who secretly really fears being hated by family members: ... I've been bitten by karma)

The image of Nobu being driven insane by his hellspawn and Tsuchida Gozen laughing at him constantly for it is hilarious.

Also. Reading about the twin thing makes my Nobuspawns twins headcanon intensify LMAO. Like, I’m surprised I’ve not seen anyone make this wild guess yet. It’s very flimsy, so it cannot warrant a legitimate scholarly pursuit (unless there’s actually a bulk of info about Nobuspawns that only ivory tower historians know of, and not revealed). 

Like, at best you can just wild guess from the fact that they’re born in the same year. And making the theory that separating them can be interpreted as a ploy to hide it, similar to what Ieyasu did. 

Maybe it’s buried in some wild 5ch forum, that’s why I’ve never seen it. The few times I click on the history threads, I regret them because often times they’re stupid and they make me very angry.

The one time I kinda had a laugh over it is this one silly thread where a bunch of people were like “What if for some bizarre reason NHK makes a Taiga about Nobukatsu” and people were posting overly-dramatic pitches. I don’t really like any of them. Most of them were the typical “is actually really smart/amazing, but hides it for whatever reason”. It’s still amusing, though, and I 100% endorse the sentiment.

I can and will write you a very dramatic pitch full of angst and drama worthy of a saga, I just don’t really know how to write.

Also I randomly have a Nobubu headcanon, please ignore me.

This is not history, this is my fantasy, so this is not useful information for anyone.

Sane analysis: He might have suffered an injury during battle (especially the intense battles in 1576-1579) that rendered him sterile afterwards.

Sane analysis 2: He might have always had infertility issues, but it was not so bad at first and still allowed him to have children. It just got worse as he grew older. 

Not sane crack theory: Well you know... women in their late 40s and beyond do tend to have problems conceiving. Maybe he’s not a he the whole time hurrr huurr...

Honestly I do wonder if Hide actually had more kids that we just don’t know about. Hidekatsu and Mystery Daughter was only known due to there existing temple records about offerings made for their sake. I guess even government censorship cannot censor temple documentation or something. No samurai paperwork about these kids were found yet. The non-temple stuff might have gotten purged or lost, but the temple stuff were safe. 

I will never shut up about “Hideyoshi is a girl” crack/bullshit theory for as long as people will not shut up about the Kenshin one. Boyfriend can be whoever. Maybe it’s Mitsun. Maybe it’s Toshiie. Maybe it’s Toshiie’s brother. Hell, maybe it’s Akechu for all I know.

This research paper is legit, though. 

Also, I don’t understand this part:

Ni no Maru is pregnant, but he doesn’t consider it his? Why? I looked up Ni no Maru, and that was Chacha, so...???? Why??? If this baby is Hideyori, then this letter is very confusing????? I don’t understand LMAO. 

I've been reading a mix of weird stuff, my brain ends up conjuring up this dream about this manga series where it's the Sengoku samurai but in a pâttissier AU.

Between reading Hideyoshi conspiracy theories, I was reading Yumeiro Pâtissiere. Must be why.

Basically all those wars just turned into the Great British Bake Off or something.

My weird dream only went as far as Okehazama tho. And I didn't even get to see what cakes were made. Just chapters of the planning stages where Nobu's staff were going for a "rain" theme for the round against Yoshimoto because Okehazama.

There's weird details like there being this amazing pâtissier/chef/I dunno named Chef Ryan, and I guess that was French-ified Rikyū? All the pâtissiere manga that I've read has always gone oo aa wow oolala over France when it comes to cakes.

Nobu spotted Hide somewhere (I guess it was a cooking school, who freaking knows), thought he made something great and went "Ok you're hired, now come with me" while Hide goes "dafuq just happened".

And the worst part is that after Cinnamon the dog and "Nobu becomes an Isekai Prince" and "Nobu works at a grocery store" and weird high school WTF AU manga, I can totally see someone making this cake AU real somewhere in the future.

(And if it does come true, or already did exist, I will be very smug)

Not sure how will Akechu/the shogun/ the Kyoto shit in general work out in this scenario. I've never read WTF AUs because I think it's kind of weird. I just know they exist.

Maybe they're a super old establishment of traditional Japanese ingredients or league of craftsmen or something, I dunno. I can totally see Akechu being this wagashi artisan that gor hired to help with making cake decor LMAO.

^ A Honnouji monument just sitting casually in a street corner and often overlooked unless you actually know it’s there.

The timetravel stuff I’ve seen usually utilized the “big” Honnouji monument for drama/impact (like Ikesen) or the present day Honnouji (which is a completely different location), but seriously, the original Honnouji was... huge. The temple compound easily takes up a few blocks of buildings in Kyoto.

How funny it would be if the story starts with an MC just passing by some random residential area, but oh no! That’s also still part of Honnouji! And timetravel. 

Like seriously, look at this: 

It’s now just some random houses and office and restaurants, but it’s part of what used to be Honnouji. 

Or maybe I should stop dreaming and actually go draw that shit for real.

You know, Frois had said that Nobunaga himself jumped on this Nichi fellow and grabbed him, not Hideyoshi. Maybe Murdoch misread the Frois text. Or maybe he got confused because the text refers to Nobunaga as “the king” and maybe his mind muddled it up with another episode where Hideyoshi is also called “the king”.

I just found that Murdoch’s book is on Archive.org so I’m reading it to see what other funny stories are in there other than the very messed up “Asai” situation (I’m crying, who is supposed to be who?????)

It’s both funny when it’s actual quotes of the missionaries going “what in God’s Holy name is wrong with these people”, and funny when it’s Murdoch narrating a very very strange version of “common facts” about the Sengoku that you just be like “where the fuck are you getting these stories from?”

Nobu’s spawn being like “why can’t I commit adultery tho” :’D 

I mean, bro, you might have a better argument if you read the Bible first, and then ask the priests why is Solomon allowed to have 1000 wives. (they probably would still insist on saying That is Not Okay, but eh)

Also maybe this copy is just faulty, but in this book there’s some typos where Nobutaka is mistakenly written as Nobutada. Woops. 

Murdoch said that by 1590s Nobukatsu is Nobunaga’s "only surviving son” and I just... My man, I’m very sorry you didn’t know Nobunaga had 10+ sons and there’s still maybe 5 of them at this point in time. I know there’s at least 3 of them that made it past 1600. 

I think he legit thought there was only three of them (Nobutada, Nobukatsu, and Nobutaka). 

Also there’s a story about that troll hellspawn where after Hideyoshi called him back, Hideyoshi put on this big show of crying crocodile tears while wailing about Nobunaga again (according to Frois), and I just headcanon that my lord is just like “Do I look like I care about how much you love my dad, stop talking and let me go home already”.

Has anyone made a conspiracy/bullshit fantasy that Mitsunari is Hide's secret son yet? 'Cause agewise it isn't impossible (Hide would be 23 when Mitsun is born).