curiouslilbird reblogged
curiouslilbird reblogged
woke up and someone spilled vanilla extract all over my dash, so as punishment you strange little beasties are getting all the VANILLA FACTS i know:
- vanilla is the 2nd most expensive spice in the world (2nd to saffron)
- which is why more than 99% of what we call "vanilla extract" is actually vanillin (vanilla's dominant flavor compound) and is not extracted from real vanilla.
- luckily, even professionals struggle to tell the difference when it comes to things like baked goods. but there is a distinct difference in non-heat treated products like vanilla ice cream. real vanilla has a more complex, individualized flavor profile.
- why is vanilla so expensive? because it is a ridiculously delicate & demanding crop. complete primadonna.
- vanilla beans come from vanilla orchids. these crazy flowers bloom for A SINGLE DAY and have to be HAND-POLLINATED in a process that is exhausting, delicate, and requires specialist knowledge passed down over generations.
- then, if you're lucky, you get vanilla beans.
- which then require months of further specialized treatment.
- the entire process takes about a year and can go wrong at any stage
- vanilla has been cultivated for over 800 years (possibly much longer). the first known cultivators are the Totonac, an indigenous people of Mexico.
- the Aztecs used it as a sweetener to balance out the bitter taste of cocoa. it was popular in a drink called xocolatl--the precursor to modern hot chocolate!
- it is only pollinated by a very specific orchid bee!!!
- which is why no fruit could be grown outside of Mexico until the 1800s
- Edmond Albius, born into slavery, invented the pollination method we still use today--launching a global industry when he was just 12 years old.
- today, the majority of the world's vanilla is grown in Madagascar
- if you want real vanilla, read the labels carefully--it's harder to find than you think!
in conclusion, those tiny black specks you see in fancy vanilla ice cream? those are vanilla bean seeds! itty bitty orchid seeds!!! they are delicious and also a PRISSY BITCH!
(src)
Okay, but what about Saffron? Why is that more expensive?
ok i love saffron but it is a fucking CUNT look at this shit:
this is saffron. it's made up of tiny red threads. each of those threads?
- THREE TO A FUCKING FLOWER.
- it takes 75,000 flowers to make ONE POUND of saffron
- do u see this field? do u see this fucking field?
- this field will produce enough saffron to fit in a goddam...baggie? a basket? a smallish bucket, perhaps?
- and did I MENTION
- the harvesting has to be done BY HAND
- are u
- are u comprehending
- the Bullshit, are u comprehending it yet?
- can u imagine. having to sit over a pile of thousands of blossoms and pick each. motherfucking. thread. by hand.
- and after hours and hours
- (your joints aching)
- (your fingers stained)
- after hours of this nonsense, lo and behold! you have harvested--about a thimble full of fucking saffron
- jesus wept and so should you
she's such a whore why do i love her
curiouslilbird reblogged
babubean-deactivated20160727
im v curious ok so reblog this n put ur favorite smell in the tags
curiouslilbird reblogged
Facets of Vanilla: Sweet, Creamy, Sexy Fragrances for Fall/Winter
—
Vanilla is an extremely popular ingredient in perfumery for its creamy, luscious, warm, and almost-edible qualities, but I feel it’s gotten a bad rep due to the endless stream of synthetic celeb- and lingerie-inspired fragrances. (I can’t count how many girls got sucked in by that marketing myth that smelling like a cake will draw men and compliments like ants.)
Don’t get me wrong; the countless dessert-like fragrances (I’ve lost count somewhere in 2005) from Victoria’s Secret and Parlux - who does a lot of the fragrances for celebrities - are affordable, accessible, and smell pretty good if you just want a quick shot of sugar. But when you’re ready to outgrow the cookie-cutter scents and go for some that are just a little more challenging to the nose (and wallet, sadly), here are some alternatives:
—
L de Lolita Lempicka (Lolita Lepicka)
This comes in EDP (medium concentration) and parfum (high concentration). The splash of orange and the musky spices are more pronounced in the EDP version, while the pure parfum is sweeter, simpler, and cuts straight to a maple-y, buttery vanilla with just a trace of orange blossom.
I mostly dislike fruity-vanillas because they are so overdone and can get so cloying, but the orange here is just beautiful.
Cost: moderately-high price in department stores but can be found cheap at discounters, TJ Maxx, etc.
Cheaper alternative: Demeter Orange Cream Pop. Not quite as rich and buttery, or nearly as long-lasting, but still fun!
—
Hypnotic Poison (Christian Dior)
Musky and darker than your average vanilla scent, HP is a beautifully-eccentric composition that contains caraway, which gives it that characteristic cream-soda feel, while the bitter almond and sambac jasmine adds a coconuty, metallic edge.
It’s smells delicious AND toxic at the same time.
Cost: *** (The price is moderately high even at discounters as Dior manages its pricing very well, similar to Chanel.)
Cheaper alternative: I’m actually hard pressed to find something that’s similar. Most vanillas have more florals or fruits, or else aren’t quite as dark and mysterious as Hypnotic Poison. The ones that are closest to this are equally or more expensive!
—
Shalimar (Guerlain)
The grand dame of oriental scents, Shalimar is actually no longer considered “sweet” by today’s refined-sugar scent standards. This is not a scent that most people will love on first sniff. The vanilla here is a very dark and bitter, like a creme brulee crust burnt to the point of being carcinogenic. Almost scary by today’s standards, and definitely more “Mata Hari” than “Britney Spears”.
Shalimar is smoky, powdery, leathery, dirty, and VERY French. If you’re looking to channel a femme fatale look for Halloween and want a scent to get you in that mood, this is it!
Price: **** (Guerlain isn’t cheap but you can sometimes find it at discounters for 20-40% off the retail price. The EDT is sometimes also priced cheaper although prices vary by region.)
Cheaper alternative: Coty Emeraude. This “good girl’s Shalimar” shares a very similar bergamot-vanillic-powdery-oriental structure, but is a good deal less raunchy and leathery. Seems it’s harder to find outside of the US though.
—
L’Instant de Guerlain (Guerlain)
Think of L’Instant as a floral-honey scent instead of a vanilla one. It’s a beautiful, luminous, feminine scent; not dark or sugary.
Price: **** (Similar to Shalimar, although prices can vary by country and retailer.)
Cheaper alternative: L’occitane Eau de Miel - sadly this one was discontinued. Another alternative is Guerlain’s Aqua Allegoria Flora Nymphea, which is cheaper than L’Instant, but not really cheap.
—
Coromandel (Chanel)
Think of all the vanilla-patchouli fragrances that you know.
Now forget all of those.
Coromandel is a modern classic that smells nothing like them. The vanilla takes a backseat and the sappy, earthy patchouli takes center-stage. If you like your scents with some complexity but don’t like the powderiness or leather in Shalimar, Coromandel might be one to check out. But if you don’t like patchouli or earthy fragrances (they can smell a little “unclean”), forget this.
Price: ***** (This is part of the Les Exclusif line and is sold only at Chanel Beauty boutiques. It’s VERY hard to locate at discounters, and you will not be able to find much of a discount usually.)
Cheaper alternative: Jessica Simpson Fancy Nights. Kudos to Ms Simpson for daring to step beyond the norms of the average celebrity fragrance. Fancy Nights shares that same wet, mossy-green patchouli note with an added papyrus accord to shake things up. Definitely not sugary-sweet or for the uninitiated who want a more typical vanilla.
—
Un Bois Vanille (Serge Lutens)
Arguably the most gourmand of the lot because of its lactonic coconut-milk sweetness. I actually don’t smell as much wood (“bois”) as I’d like, which brings this into full-on edible category for me.
This is sweet, creamy, thick and rich; heavier than L de Lolita Lempicka and very much what you would imagine a $50 plate of coconut-vanilla dessert in an uber-posh patisserie to smell like. Approach only if you absolutely LOVE vanilla with a passion. (Often, this is too much even for me.)
Price: ***** (Niche perfumes don’t come cheap and aren’t easy to find, and that’s a bit of a pain.)
Cheaper alternative: Try Demeter Angel Food or Lush’s American Cream!
YAY vanilla-based perfumes! I've recently gotten into wearing vanilla, and I like smelling like my favorite flavor of ice cream. ^o^
Funny thing? Out of all the perfumes I use, the vanilla one I have (Body Fantasies' Vanilla, about $7 from the drugstore) is the only one to garner me a compliment from my boyfriend of 4 1/2 years. So, yeah, maybe that marketing myth has a little truth behind it? xD