built in

Infinity War Bloopers (x)

(All hail the true GOAT of the MCU)

Remember to leave milk and cookies out for when Captain America comes and leaves presents under your tree tonight!

buck waking up to a world of WTF

my favorite thing that Clark Kent does is try to figure out how a Normal Human Man would respond to getting injured

like if someone shoots at him he can say “oh he missed” and if someone tries to punch him he can kind of roll with it and barely avoid getting hit so they don’t smash their hand while going “oh ow oof what a punch ouch”

but then here comes the Joker with a comically large wooden mallet and now Clark has to figure out how Normal Human Man Clark Kent could conceivably survive this without making it obvious that he is not actually a Normal Human Man. just “oh goddammit i’ve never even seen someone get hit with one of these before, the joker’s probably seen all kinds of people get hit, he knows what this is supposed to look like but i have no goddamn idea i am so fucked”

superman may have the power of flight and super strength but clark kent has the power of improv

BUT YOU FORGOT THE BEST PART

POLITELY ASKING JOKER TO STOP

you are completely right, clark kent asking people to please stop trying to murder him is definitely way up there on the list of reasons he is amazing

#EXCUSE ME SIR#BUT I AM TRYING TO LIVE#COULD YOU PLEASE TAKE YOUR MALLET ELSEWHERE#THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME AND COOPERATION#there’s no way he should be able to dodge but the joker is way too busy being mad at the gall of him to think about that#so offended that someone he had not planned to waste time on was still alive#clark attributes it to reporter’s instincts and the joker accepts this explanation because it’s a good punchline#none of that is canon fyi i’m just saying it should be#i know sometimes people think i’m being factually incorrect when what i am actually doing is making shit up (via unpretty)

x

requested by @elzabetholsens

This was all Natasha, I am 10000% certain.

oh my god

rapunzel rapunzel throw down some sick beats

Ever wonder what the highest kudo’d work on ao3 is?

wonder no more.

Seriously whatever you are expecting, this isn’t it.

Jesus H. Fucking Christ

I disagree, this is almost exactly what I was expecting! lol

The guy next to me in a coffee shop is telling his date ‘You know you girls are all liars. Well, not all, but I’d say 80%. More than half.’

‘Girls think they have power over men by using sex as a bargaining chip and they don’t.‘

Now he’s telling her about a ‘psycho’ date he had who started telling him how ‘patronizing’ he was OUT OF NOWHERE

He’s a musician but he says he couldn’t date any of the ‘sheep’ who come to his gigs.

He’s been talking about himself literally nonstop since I sat down fifteen minutes ago. The scariest thing is the girl is listening actively, leaning forward, and smiling and giggling while I’m mentally screaming ‘Run, girl, run!’

Now he’s talking about gig he did for the troops in Afghanistan and how dangerous it was. ‘I could have been shot by a sniper at any second. But I was making people human. I was keeping them from going crazy. I was playing bass and crowd-surfing on my back. We were treated like ACDC. I had a prejudice about the military but you see the armed forces for what they are. They’re good people.’

He’s finally stopped telling her about the military and has gone back to covering every detail of his career. I still know absolutely nothing about his date.

Now he’s complaining about how bad the dancers were at one of his gigs (‘pathetic, ridiculous’).

Now he’s giving her a detailed history lesson on Greco-Turkish military conflict. I swear I’m not making any of this up.

Summary of the rest of the date:

Guy’s talking continues, relentless. Girl’s responses slowly growing more and more lackluster (unnoticed). Finally Guy gets up to use the bathroom. I casually say to Girl, ‘First date?’ A few seconds later, we’re recapping every obnoxious moment, literally holding onto each other, doubled over and gasping with laughter. ‘He hasn’t stopped talking since I sat down!’ ‘Oh my god, I’m so tired!’ ‘I mean, it’s your choice, but I wouldn’t go on a second date with that guy.’ More peals of laughter. ‘Oh my god, I’m so tired!’ ‘Not that I wanted to eavesdrop, but when he said all women were liars…’ ‘I know, right? I couldn’t believe it! I didn’t want to offend him, but…’ And so on. Finally: ‘Shh, here he comes.’

We straighten up and I pretend to be working on my laptop. Guy comes back to the table and they leave together. She waves at me behind his back.

Steve desperately trying to high five Bucky in Captain America: The Winter Soldier

when your otp becomes canon