vampire hunter? no i said vampire HAUNTER. this jerk sucked all my blood out so now i spend my afterlife knocking over shelves and scaring off potential victims and just making the castle generally pretty cold

it's always 'bleh why are the plates floating', 'gah who knocked over my blood goblet' and never 'sorry for killing you' ok starve then!

and what are you going to do about it? have a priest exorcise the place? yeah good luck with all the crosses and holy water you piece of shit

It’s a lovely morning in the gothic castle, and you are a horrible ghost.

This literally feels like a Black Mirror episode

God I hate these fucking floating monoliths. They always go, like, 10mph below the speed limit and if you try to pass them they just fucking distort reality around them until you're back behind them again. One of them cut me off on the highway once and when I honked it banished me to a hoary netherworld where I wandered, lost and alone, for untold centuries, trapped in the liminal space between what could have been and what never was, black stars dotting the bright infinity yawning out around me as I drove out of thought and time, through endless ruined cities and blighted lands unmarked by the sun's cold rays, and when I finally got out I was more than 20m late for my dentist appointment and they had to reschedule me.

Hey? Hey holy shit

i’m so upset

I just realized that the reason ghosts say Boo! is because it’s a latin verb

they’re literally saying ‘I alarm/I am alarming/I do alarm!!

I can’t

present active boō, present infinitive boāre, perfect active boāvī, supine boātum

Recte!

if it comes from the latin word, they’re actually saying “I’M YELLING!” which is even cuter

do they speak latin because it’s a dead language

get out

This is exactly the kind of content I come here for like I want to print this out, frame it and put it on my wall.

IT’S ALMOS HERE!!!!!!!!

AITA for not telling my fiancé I know he’s queer? 

I 20s (F) have a 20s (M) fiancé, V, and he’s been talking about this terrible secret he cannot tell me and he keeps almost starting to come out and then backing out. The issue is V and I were raised together by his parents, and my surrogate 40s (M) father and (now deceased) surrogate mother arranged for our marriage back when we were both children. They thought it was the best for us and at the time we were too young to realize the implications and had no reason to reject to the match. When we were teenagers our mother was on her deathbed and she told us again that she wished for us to marry, and of course we both agreed. However, V is also best friends with a 20s (M) guy called H, and they were nearly inseparable as boys and teens. They also went to university together and shared an apartment but V had to come home due to family reasons. Lately he’s been going out all day and coming home at night hours later. He insists that he’s fine and that we all leave him alone and not worry for him, but I think he and H have been sneaking around. He even delayed our wedding day by arranging a trip to go to England alone with H. It’s exhausting for all of us and I think I should just tell V I know and support him and that we can call off the marriage, but I’m not sure that’s the best course of action? I’m completely fine with not marrying him - he always felt more like a brother to me anyway - but I worry it might come off wrong. The worst part is he’s really beating himself up about it. He’s so guilty it’s beginning to take a toll on his health. I don’t care if he has a boyfriend I just want him to be happy.

EDIT: nvm he built an 8ft creature in his dorm

you think it can’t get better, but it does. sound on.

ITS SPOOPY SEASON BABEEEEEEEEEYY

IT’S BACK!!! YAAAAAY!!!

Speak With Dead

3rd level necromancy

Bard, Cleric, Wizard

There was a pool 🏊‍♂️ for skeletens 💀 only.

what if ghosts just kept aging as if they were effected by time and gravity and growth. what if the old man who died decades before you moved in looks indescribable as a specter, gnarled and double-triple-quadruple wrinkled his total age now nearing 300, yet upright and ambulatory like a moving willow tree. if you think you saw a young woman in a stretched out tattered white dress screaming at you to terrify you, it was just a little baby who drowned in the 2000s, no longer fitting in her nightgown, trying to ask you for help through wailing. even if ghosts could groom themselves, the babies and the animals wouldn’t know how to. the overgrown beast with long shaggy fur covered in dirt whining and panting in your closet could be your childhood dog, wasn’t he the kind of species that needed regular brushing or things would get disgusting quickly? if he can feel, he must be uncomfortable. anyways goodnight. *kisses your forehead turns out light runs into the hallway fast*

If zombies were real, you wouldn't first be warned by the approaching horde by their smell, by their groans, not even a cloud of smoke of the dust they raise coming closer from the horizon. It would be the flies. Hordes and hordes of insects, corpse-flies laying eggs on the carcasses of people who still walk, eating the eyeballs from their sockets, climbing across their unfeeling leathery skin. And the buzzing. The inescapable, deafening buzzing. Everywhere. Like you did not just kick a hornet's nest, but the very ground you walk on was a hornet nest, and each step caused another explosion of insects.

Insects, corpse flies, the buzzing. Their swarms blacken the skies, more horrifying than their migrating meals. The deafening cacophony of constant buzzing, the horrid noise of the living who feast on the dead who feast on the living. The buzzing.

The endless, inescapable buzzing.

Hey OP, thanks for the visceral horror with my breakfast. Really pairs well with the sense of impending doom.

Thanks. I was out in the woods picking blueberries today. There were bugs.

What, the forest-dwelling entities with imperfect human mimicry who insinuate themselves into groups of hikers? Yeah, we had one of those. Clocked it immediately, of course. Honestly it kind of fell in that so-inept-it's-kind-of-charming range. We just played along until it'd had it's fill of marshmallows and shambled back into the treeline. We might have been violating some kind of killjoy wildlife contact best practices but what the hell, can't plan around every little thing. Why, what happened to you guys

just realized how funny the name “slenderman” is... they really didn’t dedicate a lot of thought to him did they

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Happy 20 Thousand Notes to this post every one I am still trapped in this Gay ass fucking Forest

New comic, simply titled Aquarium! Hope you all enjoy the fun new guy!

So I’m staying at a friend’s house in Boston

And in their guest room is a door.

And my first thought was closet. Just an ordinary, tiny, New England closet.

But no!

There are STAIRS in that closet!

Now where do those stairs go, you may ask?

Up to the black void attic of course.

But you know, it doesn’t seem to end there.

Because for reasons no one seems to know, this door deadbolts from inside. There’s nothing but a black void up there. Why must it lock on that side of it???

Of course, it was then that I spotted something else.

Why yes, those ARE scratch marks on the inside of the door. Which, one might think dog because they’re so low on the door (only a third of the way up).

But you know, this wouldn’t be fun if that was all there was.

That deadbolt has scratches all around it too.

Funzies!

Because guess what.

That deadbolt is five feet off the ground. And there is no dog in this house tall enough to reach it.

Pretty sure I just entered a horror film.

Gotta love Boston architecture.

You’re friend’s a werewolf don’t be afraid just support them.