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Pedro Pascal as Mario in SNL’s HBO Mario Kart (The Last of Us Parody)

OK, but I partially disagree with this headcanon, and here’s why:

1) Bruce is totally playing Gamora. You don’t think Bruce Banner has played Dungeons & Dragons before? Bruce Banner has absolutely played Dungeons & Dragons before. He played all through high school and college and when Bucky announces the campaign Bruce jumps at the opportunity because he just misses it so much (mostly rose-tinted nostalgia goggles but). So he sits Bucky down and asks him for every bit of info he can on the setting and spends a whole night with a pot of tea drafting up the five-page backstory for his space assassin and her family tree and her struggle with her relationship with the villain and comes to Bucky with a fully-ready character sheet and a list of things Bucky will need to OK before Gamora hops in.

Bucky quietly resolves to integrate as much as he can into the story, mainly because Bruce came up with some better ideas than he’d had.

2) Tony is definitely playing Quill, because Tony has never played D&D before. You don’t get to be where Tony Stark is in life and have much free time. He does what a lot of newbies do and bases a character on himself, or at least the parts he likes: clever, snarky, pre-’90s musical taste, beds space babes, heroic sometimes probably. He wants to be cool but has no idea how to be cool within this context (“My character’s name is Starlord.” “What? Tony, no.”). He hogs the spotlight all the time (all the time) but clearly has no idea what he’s doing and when someone who seems like they know what they’re talking about gives him advice he always takes (“I’m going to need that guy’s leg.” “Seriously? Alright” *Rolls to grapple*).

Quill’s backstory is primarily Bruce’s doing. Tony just handed it in with a “yeah whatever’s on there.”

3) Thor is playing Drax but didn’t join until a few sessions in when he tagged along and decided it looked like fun (“THIS PLEASES ME! ALLOW ME TO JOIN YOUR TALES OF ADVENTURE!”). He definitely needed help constructing his character sheet, but he had no problem coming up with a character. Bucky asked him what he wanted to play and got that glint in his eye and responded “I WILL FORGE A HERO WORTHY OF THE ANCIENT TALES OF ASGARD.” And he put a lot of thought into Drax, both in personal history and personality. He’s mostly modeled on Thor’s favorite Asgardian folk heroes, with some personal flaws and quirks thrown in that Thor thinks are interesting.

Of course Thor doesn’t really understand the game part of it, he’s in it for the story (“Thor what the hell man there’s no way we can take on Ronan at this level!” “AH BUT THINK OF THE THRILLING DRAMA OF THE MOMENT DRAX AND RONAN MEET AGAIN!” “We are all going to die.” “AND IT WILL BE A THRILLING TRAGEDY!”)

4) Steve is absolutely playing Rocket but what started as a complete joke ballooned into a fully fleshed-out character with a tragic backstory. Steve’s an artist, he’s a creative guy and little too creative for his own good sometimes and bouncing his ideas off of Natasha turned a simple joke into a more elaborate character dynamic than even Bruce’s. He trolls Bucky a lot and it’s even better for Steve when he really gets into Rocket’s character and plays up the drama, partly because Bucky can’t tell if he’s joking or not.

5) Somewhere in the brainstorming session, Steve and Natasha decided that Rocket has a partner who is a talking tree. Natasha pitches this idea completely straight-faced to Bucky and after the fiasco of Steve’s character idea Bucky’s just too tired to say no to the tree-man. Natasha gives him a bit of a backstory and how Rocket and Groot got together and it sounds pretty solid, so whatever, tree-man can stay.

Then when all the characters get introduced Natasha just hovers over Tony and puffs out her chest and says in her deepest voice: “I am Groot.”

And Steve snickers and nobody has any idea why.

A session later Natasha is responding to everything Tony says with that same deep “I am Groot.” and Steve goes blue in the face trying to hold in his laughter and Tony cracks and the game has to pause for 10 minutes while Nat and Steve recompose themselves.

Nat also has a better grasp of the rules than Bucky realized and completely tweaked her character into being able to do basically anything she can justify. And it’s all right there in the book, Bucky can’t even argue from a rules standpoint. They’re only level 5 Groot shouldn’t be essentially bulletproof but through some loophole in the rules, yep, there it is.

Natasha Romanoff is trained to exploit weaknesses. Of course she’s a total munchkin.

IT GOT SO MUCH FUCKING BETTER

I love this post n it gOT BETTER

crownsandashes You must see this … 

in which joe explains the cultural complexities and crucial campiness of eurovision to their usamerican rookie

andy sends this pic to the group chat and 2 seconds later nile responds with this. joe is delighted (‘look nicky, I’m a mémé!’) and instantly makes it his phone background

#DAD POSE LINEAGE

bakery au where nicky works in a popular bakery that gets crazy lines around the holidays because they do themed cookies cakes treats etc and joe has the worst luck for craving something sweet on days that are either abnormally busy or are holidays (joe doesn’t notice this pattern; he thinks the bakery is just crazy busy everyday because they have good cookies) so he’ll wait in line for twenty minutes meanwhile nicky is behind the counter fighting for his life putting together all these insane holiday orders worth hundreds of dollars trying to prevent customers from fist fighting over cakes and then joe always appears for 0.5 seconds in the middle of the rush like i would like one cookie please :) whichever one you like the best :) and tips more than double the cost of the actual cookie so nicky starts giving him free extras and the first time he does it joe gets back in the line just to come back in and politely offer to pay because nicky accidentally gave him three cookies instead of one and nicky makes him take another cookie and insists it’s a perk of being a favorite customer before he has to turn away to prevent a middle aged mom from throwing a tantrum because they’re sold out of the sugar cookies she wants. joe finds this confusing bc the reason he tips so much is that he feels bad for only getting one little thing when everybody else seems to be leaving with huge bags but the hot bakery man is giving him free food so hey he’s not going to argue. he and nicky get onto a first name basis, even if they never have time to exchange more than a sentence or two. nicky somehow figures out that joe likes vanilla and buttery flavours more so than chocolate. it’s cool being a regular. 

cut to one fateful valentine’s day that joe somehow has failed to realise is valentine’s day. he waits in the line, comes in and asks for a cookie. nicky charges him the cost of one cookie and then grabs three at random as per their usual exchange, which turn out to be sugar cookies iced to look like those valentine’s sweetheart candies. the first one says hey cutie, the second one says be mine, and the third one says what’s your number? 

joe, a little confused but a lot flattered, scribbles his phone number and a little message with a winky face on his receipt and stuffs it into the tip jar with a bill. then he walks out of the bakery and goes about his day, wondering absently if anything will come of it, and if a baker would enjoy a first date where joe cooked him dinner. 

it takes him 45 minutes to realise it’s valentine’s day. it takes 3 more for him to realise that nicky didn’t personalise those cookies just for him, and half a second more to decide he can never enter the bakery again, and in fact might have to leave the country. 

at 6:07 that evening, seven minutes after the bakery has closed, when joe is on the way over to andy’s to lament the state of his life, he gets a text from an unknown number that says you are either the boldest man i’ve ever met in my life or the dumbest. when are you taking me out? xx - nicky

*record scratch* *freeze frame*

Din Djarin: Yup, that's me. You're probably wondering how I ended up in this situation.

That Ben Affleck was Adele all this time has left me amazed. Truly his greatest role.

I think Neil Gaiman is one of the only celebrities that truly understands what Tumblr users want.

Meet: The Crows | insp. in tags

Inktober day 26 - Stretch

Process on my InstagramTV

i'll see your (extremely valid!) joenicky eurovision meet cute and raise you: only acceptable ballad singer/songwriter on the planet yusuf al-kaysani and glam rock/heavy metal lovechild nicolo di genova have been happily married for 10 years and the world is about to find out.

#nicky kisses joe in front of like 30 cameras as the votes are coming in#the internet is like love 2 see artists keeping the tradition of pissing off homophobes on live tv#the next day nicky's giving an interview and the reporter is all#'you put on a great performance but came in second how do you feel about that?'#and nicky's like well first of all i'm very proud of my husband for winning!#and the reporter is like haha you guys are really taking this act seriously#and nicky looks them dead in the face and produces the wedding photo he keeps in his wallet at all times#also their stage personas and irl styles are hilariously different#joe's understated yet stylish romantique very fine fabrics and a few strategically placed sequins#nicky's like barely broadcast-able sluttiness#irl they're athleisure dudebro and h&m 50% off sales rack respectively

don't hide the gold in the tags, i beg you :D

i.

Luke likes to stay awake on watch. Or maybe he likes to let Din sleep. Gently nudging a Mandalorian into letting his guard down is no easy task, and for hours it’s nearly impossible to tell whether Din is actually asleep or awake, watchful. But eventually, Din does go still and his signature in the Force—which Luke is getting better at picking out like a scent—settles like a ripple in a shallow pool. And there’s trust there. Luke usually spends nights like this reading a text he copied out of his growing library—ancient stuff on meditation or about the first in his order who forged sabers. In Din’s lap, sometimes Grogu starts and looks from the softly rising beskar breastplate and then to Luke’s smile. Then the child goes back to sleep.

ii.

Din has a talent for dropping off to sleep with little fanfare. He’s used to stealing minutes of rest in between long bounties. Every second of sleep is precious. It adds up. But when he’s last to fall asleep, after Luke and Grogu, he just gazes at them, seconds ticking by. Grogu’s face goes comically slack whenever the child passes out, and Luke’s smile follows him into his slumber. No one is there to see how he long he gazes at them, dear things, almost in disbelief. He has his helmet on anyway.

He puts the tip of Grogu’s ear between his gloved fingers and pushes Luke’s bangs out of his eyes.

iii.

When he’s awake by himself, it’s usually because Master Luke and his father are exhausted. They can have some very busy days. He knows better than to wander off and get into too much trouble when his parents are sleeping, so he just wriggles down to his father’s utility belt (very carefully)(some of the things his dad carries blow up)(he found out about this the hard way) and takes out his favorite toy—the ball.

He returns to the crevice between Master Luke and his father’s bodies, and lets his power flow out of his little fingers, and the ball floats up. It catches a million lights of the night sky and also the silly, mirror-house faces of Master Luke and his father’s helmet, who are forehead to forehead. After a while, his eyelids get heavy, and the ball drops with the dullest thunk, and his thoughts drift off to what his family will do tomorrow.

Keep reading

I now present you with the dumbest Joe head cannon in the world:

Picture it, some place in America, 2011. The pop group One Direction drops the single “That’s What Makes You Beautiful.” In case you don’t know the lyrics here’s the chorus:

Baby, you light up my world like nobody else. The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed. But when you smile at the ground, it ain't hard to tell. You don't know, oh-oh. You don't know you're beautiful”

It’s a ridiculous song. It’s also a catchy song. Joe, 900 year old warrior poet, influencer, participant, muse of the art world since he was born hears it and oh he HATES it.

Yeah, yeah he likes pop music as much as the next person, but THIS is what young people are telling their paramours? No. Love deserves better than this.

But like I said it’s a fucking catchy song, and now it’s stuck in his head. And after a while he gets bored, and so starts analyzing it. And....you know here at 3 am in a safe house outside of Barcelona, he’s starting to think they’re on to something. Is there not a beauty in the simplicity of just telling the person you love they’re beautiful? That the simple flip their hair can fill you with light?

Does Nicky not love him with such simple words? His love is not a poet, but the weight behind each “I love you” and “you are beautiful” or “the most handsome man I know” never fail to make Joe melt.

Maybe these bouncy teenage boys are secret geniuses.

But he can’t just make that call! He needs to discuss it with someone! And pickings are slim. Andy will kind of bounce on the heels of her feet to the song, but has no opinion past that. Nicky...tries, and yes Nicky also has multiple degrees in art history and theory because he likes art too, and he wanted to be able to tell Joe how much he loves his art with all the right art words, but he doesn’t get what there is to dig into with this song. Booker 100% ribs Joe about liking a tween boy band, but gets them both tickets to a show so they can drunkenly jump up and down with all the excited teen girls. But the issue never really get resolved, and it’s a bit like a reoccurring itch in Joe’s brain.

Enter Nile, who one morning finds herself ushered to the breakfast table, has a cup of coffee and a pastry plunked in front of her, and is told “I would like to discuss modern art with you, Nile. Have you heard of a band called One Direction?”

as it should be

Luke Skywalker in The Mandalorian but it’s Toxic by Britney Spears

Sometimes all it takes is one (obnoxiously) signed up cup. 

My artwork for this year’s @eamesstupidcupid Happy Valentine’s Day @phrynewrites, I hope it’s a cozy one for you! <3